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jpgr1989
EXT SPENCER HOUSE, NIGHT
SHAWN and HENRY are hiding behind a log across the road from their house. HENRY is watching through binoculars
as SHAWN is sitting against the log facing the other way, less than thrilled to be there.
SHAWN:
How long do we have to wait?
HENRY:
Until we catch our bad guy.
SHAWN:
Can I sleep?
HENRY:
You can't sleep on a stakeout, Shawn. You can eat, you can chew gum... but you can't drink, because if you drink, you're going to have to pee, and the target always comes out right when you got to pee.
SHAWN:
Now I think I got to pee.
HENRY:
Well, then, Shawn, your bladder's going to get some training tonight, too. (sees someone walking towards the house) We got action. Now, I want you to stay...
SHAWN:
I know. I know, I know.
HENRY:
Shh. Go, go.
HENRY and SHAWN creep across the road and sneak up on their target The MAN peers into the back door. HENRY and SHAWN pause at the gate.
HENRY:
Come on.
HENRY and SHAWN move forward as the MAN bends over to pick up the newspaper on HENRY’s porch. HENRY grabs him.
HENRY:
I got you! I got you red-handed, you lying son of a bitch. (mocking) "I don't know what happened to your newspaper, Henry”. You're transparent, Clark. You didn't think I could nab a liar like you?
CLARK:
I can explain.
HENRY:
Tell it to the neighborhood watch association. (turns so CLARK is facing SHAWN) Give the paper to the boy, Clark.
CLARK hands the paper to SHAWN.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN is sitting behind VICK’S desk and starts to read the newspaper, his legs crossed on her desk. GUS walks in.
GUS:
What the hell are you doing?
SHAWN:
Checking baseball scores. My fantasy team is killing me.
GUS:
This is the Chief's office.
SHAWN:
I know. She runs the league. I'm kidding. She's in a meeting. She won't mind. Plus, we look really important hanging out in here. Gus, have you tried this chair? (stands) It's a pregnancy chair. (sits) We have to get one for the office, immediately. My birthing canal has never felt so in line.
GUS:
We need to get out of here.
SHAWN:
She told me to wait.
GUS:
For what?
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm not a mind reader.
GUS:
No, that's just what you tell everybody.
SHAWN:
I want you to try this chair. (stands and walks around the desk)
GUS:
I'm not trying that chair, Shawn.
SHAWN:
I'll sit on the birthing ball. (sits) I kid you not, that thing is like a refreshing waterfall cascading down your vertebrae. It might help with your stomach issues.
GUS:
Who told you I had stomach issues?
SHAWN:
Uh, my nose? The vent in the bathroom? Air fresheners all over the place?
GUS:
I'm trying a new medication for my lactose intolerance. (walks around desk)
SHAWN:
I believe the problem is physical, and I think it can be cured by what I am now referring to as... "the magic springy bounce-up chair”.
GUS pokes the cushion on the chair as McNAB enters with drinks.
McNAB:
Hey, Shawn. Smoothies are here. (hands a cup to SHAWN)
SHAWN:
Pineapple?
McNAB:
Of course.
SHAWN:
Thanks, Buzz.
McNAB leaves and SHAWN slurps his smoothie through the straw.
GUS:
You're having food delivered?
SHAWN:
They were already going out.
GUS:
(annoyed) Oh, boy. I tell you...(sits in the chair and immediately relaxes) Wow.
SHAWN:
What did I tell you? (stands and walks over to GUS) Now, take a hit off this bad boy and complete the moment. You've earned it.
SHAWN hands GUS the smoothie and just as he is about the drink it, VICK enters.
VICK:
What do you think this is, Mr. Guster?
SHAWN:
I apologize. (GUS stands) This will never happen again. Give me that! (takes the smoothie)
VICK:
Boys, out.
SHAWN and GUS switch places with VICK.
SHAWN:
Gus, a smoothie? You know these things stain. (sips) Mmm. But they are very delicious. Chief, would you like some? (holds the cup out)
GUS:
That's not my smoothie.
VICK:
I don't care whose smoothie it is. I don't even remember why I asked you to stay now.
SHAWN:
You want us on that case, with the blond woman.
VICK:
No.
SHAWN:
Mm-hmm. Wintersby. Willachek? Whistlerbottom.
VICK:
No, no, it’s…
SHAWN:
Wilcroft.
VICK:
No, that's not... Okay, wait a minute. Were you listening in on my conversation?
SHAWN:
I don't know if I heard it psychically or if I saw you walk by with her and Detective Lassiter, but I definitely heard the word "psychic”.
VICK:
The woman, Raylene, said she visits an occasional psychic. She wasn't asking for one.
SHAWN:
Well, not in so many words.
VICK:
No, not in any words. This is a bank robbery case. We don't need psychics for a bank robbery case.
SHAWN:
Bank robbery?
VICK:
Mm-hmm.
SHAWN:
I didn't read anything in the paper about bank robbery.
VICK:
It was four years ago.
SHAWN:
So it went unsolved?
VICK:
It was solved.
SHAWN:
Well, then what does she need a psychic for? (GUS jabs him in the back) Gus, that is a perfectly reasonable question.
GUS:
Thank you, Chief. We'll be leaving now.
VICK sits.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'm still confused.
VICK:
(stands) Her husband's partners are getting out of jail. This is a routine warning that we issue when someone may potentially be in danger.
SHAWN:
This is the part where we offer up our services.
GUS:
No, I think this is the part where we leave.
VICK:
That's a good idea.
SHAWN:
But we...
VICK:
(walks around the desk and ushers them out of the office) Believe it or not, Mr. Spencer, crimes were solved long before you got here, and they continue to be solved when you're not around. Oh, I remember what I wanted to tell you.
SHAWN:
What?
VICK:
Stay out of my chair. (closes doors)
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
GUS and SHAWN walk down the hall towards the exit.
SHAWN:
Bank robbers? Dude, that's awesome. We should go find Lassiter and our future client.
GUS:
We got to go.
SHAWN:
Dude, this woman is on an eternal quest for a good psychic. That's me! I'm going to go find her. (sips smoothie)
GUS:
I'm staying right here.
SHAWN:
Great idea. Wait 10 seconds and make an entrance. (hands GUS the smoothie) Drink some.
SHAWN turns back towards the bullpen as GUS sips the smoothie.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
RAYLENE walks into the bullpen with LASSITER and JULIET.
RAYLENE:
Are you saying that I'm in danger?
LASSITER:
Your husband's partners are being paroled today.
RAYLENE sits in the chair facing LASSITER’S desk. LASSITER sits on the edge of his desk and JULIET stands beside him.
LASSITER:
I have reason to believe their first order of business is going to be to try and find that lost money.
RAYLENE:
But the only person who knew where that money ended up was my husband.
LASSITER:
I know that, but do they?
SHAWN:
(enters) Hey, Lassie. Juliet. (looks at RAYLENE) I don't believe we've met. Or did we meet? (holds finger to temple) In a bank? No, that's not it. Why am I getting "bank"? Piggy bank? Sperm bank? Doesn't matter. I'm Shawn Spencer. I am the official head psychic here at the department.
LASSITER:
You don't have a title. And there is serious doubt as to whether you're really even psychic.
SHAWN:
I solved the McCallum disappearance. And the Summerland murder. (searches pockets) Oh, and I found your keys. (throws keys to LASSITER) And your badge. (throws badge to LASSITER)
LASSITER:
(fuming) Out.
GUS:
(walks in) Shawn, where are my keys?
LASSITER:
What? No. Out.
SHAWN looks at RAYLENE’S folder on LASSITER’S desk.
JULIET:
If you don't mind, we're a little busy. We have a...
SHAWN:
Excuse us, Raylene. (turns to leave)
RAYLENE:
Do we know each other?
SHAWN:
No, we don't. I'm sorry. Psychic, remember? Sometimes, I can't turn it off.
LASSITER rolls his eyes.
RAYLENE:
(stands) Do you do readings?
SHAWN:
We do it all. Full service.
RAYLENE:
I'm a bit of an enthusiast. I used to have a regular girl read for me.
GUS:
(pulls SHAWN back by his arm) Really? (takes a business card from his pocket) Uh, here's a card. We're at the beachfront location. I could put my cell number on the back if you have any questions. Anytime, really.
RAYLENE:
Thank you. You're so kind. (reads card) This is a pharmaceutical company.
SHAWN:
Like I said, we do it all.
RAYLENE:
Well, I always say, "a man with many hats... "
GUS:
"Doesn't like his haircut"?
RAYLENE:
Exactly. I thought I was the only one who read that book.
GUS:
That's my favorite.
RAYLENE:
Mine too.
GUS:
Really?
LASSITER clears his throat and GUS and RAYLENE stop their conversation, a little embarrassed.
SHAWN:
And... scene.
SHAWN and GUS leave. GUS looks back over his shoulder at RAYLENE.
**************************************************************************
PSYCH
“Woman Seeking Dead Husband – Smokers Okay, No Pets”
By
Steve Franks
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Jeff Melman
**********************************************************************
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN is printing out newspaper reports about the bank robbery when GUS enters. GUS looks off-screen at something.
SHAWN:
Dude, what took you so long? This is good stuff. You've got to see what happened to this car. I mean, it was really... (looks in the same direction as GUS) What?
GUS walks forward and we see a big chunk of wall has been torn out with just some drywall left.
GUS:
What happened here?
SHAWN:
Oh, that? I had a drywaller come in and take out a wall.
GUS:
A wall? This is a rental. What do you think our landlord is going to say?
SHAWN:
Gee, I don't know. "Thank you"? Gus, this place was way too cramped.
GUS:
My name is on that lease.
SHAWN:
Don't worry. I'll make sure you get a thank-you note, too.
GUS:
You're taking my name off the lease, and the door, and these Frisbees. (picks up a neon-pink Frisbee bearing the logo)
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be ridiculous. Look, I'm almost positive this isn't a load-bearing wall, but if you're really concerned, why don't you go jump up and down in the attic and make sure.
GUS:
(sees RAYLENE in the waiting room) What is she doing here?
SHAWN:
Ah. She's our first real client.
GUS:
Actual client? Hired for the job?
SHAWN:
Actual client.
GUS looks at RAYLENE who smiles.
SHAWN:
Go on, man.
RAYLENE joins them in the office and SHAWN sits at his desk, feet up. GUS stands next to him.
RAYLENE:
I have to admit, when I met you at the police station, I was intrigued, so I checked your recent track record. It's amazing, really.
GUS:
Well, it's...it's a team effort.
SHAWN:
Not really. I do most of the work.
GUS:
What can we help you with, ma'am? (sits on the edge of the desk)
RAYLENE:
I need you to get in contact with someone.
SHAWN:
Well, tracking people down is our specialty. (GUS looks at him) What? Oh, it's not now?
RAYLENE:
This one might be a little tricky.
GUS:
How tricky? Is the person out of the state? Country?
RAYLENE:
He's dead.
SHAWN:
Ah, and I assume that's why you need a psychic.
RAYLENE nods.
GUS:
Hold on. Dead? Like dead-dead? Currently being eaten by worms?
RAYLENE:
He's actually entombed in a mausoleum.
SHAWN:
Gus, he's ascended to the next dimension. (to RAYLENE) It's fine.
GUS:
No, Shawn, I think we might be at a bit of an impasse.
SHAWN:
What exactly do you need to know?
As RAYLENE speaks, GUS gets up and walks away, his back to her.
RAYLENE:
My husband was not a perfect man. He got himself in a bit of trouble. Okay, I'll be honest, it was a lot of trouble. He got involved in a bank robbery. He was one of three, but the only one who didn't go to prison. Unfortunately, the reason he didn't get caught was that he drove his car down an embankment...
SHAWN:
Wait. (sits up) I see rain. No roads. No. (closes laptop showing article) There was a fiery crash, wasn't there?
RAYLENE:
Yes.
SHAWN:
What would you like me to ask, Raylene?
RAYLENE:
Well, this is hard to say, but he was the one designated to bury the money. They were to all meet later and divide the cash, only his partners were caught first.
GUS:
So why wait until now?
RAYLENE:
His partners think that I know where he hid the money. (starts to cry) If I don't give it to them, they're going to kill me.
GUS:
Shawn, can I speak to you outside, please?
SHAWN:
I... guess.
EXT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
GUS strides outside, SHAWN following.
SHAWN:
Dude, what is wrong with you?
GUS:
Shawn, I don't know how to break this to you, but you are not psychic.
SHAWN:
Clue me in on the problem here.
GUS:
It's a big problem when the job requires extensive conversing with the dead.
They both look through the window at RAYLENE in the office.
SHAWN:
Gus, what is the question that she wants answered? "Where is the money," right? That doesn't require any actual dead guy chit-chat. We simply trace his last steps, do a little research, ask a few questions, and bingo!
GUS:
Stop saying "bingo”. You know how I hate that.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. Yahtzee.
GUS:
We're not doing it, Shawn. (heads back inside)
SHAWN:
Mahjong! Gus! (follows)
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
GUS walks back in followed by SHAWN. RAYLENE turns to face them.
GUS:
Mrs. Wilcroft...
RAYLENE:
Raylene.
GUS:
Raylene. Your problem is... outside of our reach.
Standing behind him, SHAWN shakes his head and mouths “It’s not”.
GUS:
You are in real danger.
SHAWN mouths something positive, hands in the air.
GUS:
I'd like to recommend police protection.
SHAWN mouths "We’ll take the case!"
GUS:
I'm pleased to be of service. (shakes RAYLENE’S hand)
RAYLENE:
Thank you.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN winks at RAYLENE.
EXT. MOTEL, DAY
LASSITER and JULIET are in his car, eyes trained on a specific room.
LASSITER:
I know they're in there.
JULIET:
Just so you know, I am uncomfortable with intra-office romance.
LASSITER:
I wasn't considering it... and I'm completely uncomfortable with the implication.
JULIET:
So it wasn't true, the rumor about you and your last partner?
LASSITER:
I'm not going to dignify that with a response.
JULIET:
Mm-hmm.
Two men exit the room and walk towards the well-used car parked in front.
LASSITER:
This is them.
JULIET:
The bank robbers?
LASSITER:
Yeah, a bit worse for wear than the day I arrested them.
JULIET:
You caught them?
LASSITER:
I was part of a team, but yeah, it was mostly me.
JULIET:
That's a big deal.
LASSITER:
Would've been a big deal if I found the money and closed the case. Things like that make a career. Instead, I got a bunch of loose ends, a dead guy, and $3.6 million in cash that vanished into thin air.
JULIET watches as the men get into the car.
JULIET:
It's funny, they don't look so mean.
LASSITER:
What do you mean, "mean"?
JULIET:
They look like repairmen. Big repairmen, but they don't look like killers.
LASSITER:
Duck.
They both duck down as the car drives past. They get up and watch to see where it goes.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
SHAWN has closed the door to the inner office and closed the blinds. Lit candles are on every available surface. There is a photo of RAYLENE’S husband standing on an easel. GUS opens the door to reveal RAYLENE and three other women sitting around a table holding hands. SHAWN is standing at one end wearing a loose blue robe that seems to billow through there is no wind inside. His arms are held out to his side as he chants.
SHAWN:
Eyes of a serpent, ears of a bat... send us a signal from...
GUS:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
(chant) I hear a voice.
GUS:
Can I see you outside, please?
SHAWN:
(chant) It wants me to come outside.
GUS:
Now?
SHAWN:
(chant) I should go.
With a sigh, SHAWN lowers his arms and uses his foot to turn off the fan that had been blowing on him. He stops in front of GUS by the door.
GUS:
Is that my bathrobe?
SHAWN precedes him into the outer office. GUS closes the door.
GUS:
What are you doing?
SHAWN:
What does it look like I'm doing? I'm having a seance.
GUS:
You can't have a seance.
SHAWN:
Gus, there are no rules against having a seance. Anyone can have one. It's le a garage sale or plastic surgery.
GUS:
Okay, first of all, technically, you need to have a permit to have a garage sale. Secondly, you cannot speak to the dead.
SHAWN:
Oh, Gus, you don't understand at all, do you? I don't need to make contact with the dead. No, I need to speak with all the people in that room. They're witnesses. We can piece together the rest based on the information they give us. I'm already on to something. Check this out. The dead guy was on the lam for three days with the cash. He had help.
GUS:
From whom?
SHAWN:
I'm almost there.
They head back into the séance room. SHAWN now sits at one end of the table, GUS at the other. They are all holding hands.
SHAWN:
Raylene?
RAYLENE:
Yes, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I'm sensing the last time he called, before the accident.
RAYLENE:
Ellen was the only one who talked to him.
The woman sitting across from RAYLENE opens her eyes at this betrayal.
SHAWN:
Ellen. Yes, I feel that deeply. You didn't tell the police that, did you?
ELLEN:
No, I was afraid. He's my brother. I didn't want to turn him in.
SHAWN:
No, of course not. Where did he call from?
ELLEN:
A pay phone outside a store.
SHAWN:
Yes, it was a store. I feel it. Which store?
ELLEN:
Uh, I think it was a... Thrifty Mart. Up north. He'd been driving. I... I've always imagined it was the one near... Pismo?
SHAWN:
Pismo! Yes. But the spirits are confused. They need more specific directions. Nearest... cross street?
ELLEN:
Uh, just past the park we used to hike with Roger.
SHAWN:
Who's Roger?
ELLEN:
(hesitates) He's our cousin.
SHAWN:
Really? But wait! There's more. The spirits are asking me... what is Roger's address?
ELLEN:
I really haven't seen Roger in years.
SHAWN:
(shouts) Come on, Ellen! Work with me! Think harder.
ELLEN:
Okay, sorry.
SHAWN:
How about a phone number?
GUS:
(stands in frustration) Okay.
SHAWN gasps at the broken circle.
SHAWN:
Gus, what have you done? You've broken the chain of spiritual trust.
GUS:
I didn't break anything.
ELLEN:
Don't ruin it for everyone, Gus.
GUS:
I'm not ruining anything. Listen, Raylene, I have to apologize to you. You seem like a very decent person, but what you need is protection, not this.
SHAWN buries his head in his hands.
GUS:
A bodyguard, a policeman. I can assure you, there is no spirit in here.
RAYLENE looks to SHAWN.
SHAWN:
(nervously) What?
GUS:
And let me make you a guarantee. There is absolutely no way there'll be any sort of contact with zombies...
At that moment, something is thrown through the window, shattering it. The women scream. Car tires are heard screeching as they drive away.
RAYLENE:
(to one of the women) You okay?
SHAWN rubs his hair, removing bits of glass.
SHAWN:
I think that's all for us tonight, ladies.
>>>LATER>>>
GUS peers through the closed blinds. SHAWN creeps over and joins him.
GUS:
(whispers) Did you do that?
SHAWN:
(whispers) Why would I ruin our totally cool window?
GUS:
(whispers) For effect, to make me think you contacted an evil ghost.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Gus, please. Why didn't you float that idea by me sooner? That's genius. (looks out window) Somebody obviously wants us off this case.
GUS:
(whispers) I think it's those convicts. But whoever it is, we'll never find them. I just saw them run off.
SHAWN:
(whispers) You sure about that?
GUS:
(whispers) Yeah.
SHAWN:
Ladies, stay here. We're going after them... or it. (whispers to GUS) Let's get some tacos.
GUS:
Okay.
They leave the office.
INT. SBPD, HALL, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN walk with JULIET, telling her what happened.
SHAWN:
And then the window just shattered.
JULIET:
And you think ghosts did it?
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, NIGHT
SHAWN:
No, no, no, no. Though there may have been some women present who thought ghosts were responsible.
GUS:
I blame it on the two convicts from the Holmby Bank robbery.
JULIET:
(puts file on her desk) I'm sorry, I still don't understand why that means you need to see the entire case file.
SHAWN:
Oh, no, Juliet, we don't need to see the whole thing. No, just the cover page, one or two others here or there. Definitely the witness list.
GUS:
Well, you got to see that.
JULIET:
And the Chief's okay with this?
SHAWN:
Oh, yeah!
GUS:
Yeah!
JULIET:
I don't think so.
SHAWN:
No?
JULIET:
No.
JULIET goes about her business, lifting a large file box onto her desk. GUS and SHAWN walk back into the hall.
INT. SBPD, HALL, NIGHT
GUS:
I liked the other girl better.
SHAWN:
Not me. Hey, since we're here, we should do some digging.
GUS:
Good idea. Why don't you dig me getting the hell out of here and going to get some sleep? (walks off)
SHAWN:
I set you up for that. Lobbed it right over the plate.
SHAWN watches GUS leave and sees that Office ALLEN is at the desk. He fakes a cough as he walks by.
ALLEN:
Mr. Spencer!
SHAWN:
Oh! (comes back) Hey, you. What a surprise. You look different.
ALLEN:
Yes, I took your advice. Three weeks without a cigarette.
SHAWN:
Well, it has certainly enhanced your aura. And remember, it wasn't my advice, it was your grandma's spirit.
ALLEN:
Have you spoken to her again?
SHAWN:
She's here.
ALLEN:
Now?
SHAWN:
Yes.
ALLEN:
Where? In this hallway?
SHAWN:
No. In the records room.
ALLEN:
(nods) I thought I felt something eerie in there.
SHAWN:
Me too. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed down there.
ALLEN:
Please. (holds up a ring with a large number of keys)
SHAWN gasps with feigned surprise.
INT. SBPD, RECORDS ROOM, NIGHT
ALLEN leads SHAWN into the darkened room and turns on the lights.
SHAWN:
No, no, no. Not too much light. You don't want to scare her away.
ALLEN dims the lights.
SHAWN:
Yes. (walks forward) Oh, yes. Yes, I can feel her, all right. (starts looking at the shelves) She's… she's over by the W's.
ALLEN:
Why?
SHAWN:
No. "W". (gasps) This is it.
ALLEN:
I'm nervous.
SHAWN:
Don't be. I want you to relax. Breathe. Close your eyes.
ALLEN closes her eyes and SHAWN grabs the box from the shelf and moves it to the lower one.
ALLEN:
Why would she be in the W's?
SHAWN:
I don't know. (looks through folders) Did you know any W's?
ALLEN:
That bastard Walter.
SHAWN:
Walter. (pulls out folder) Your ex? (reads)
ALLEN:
Wow! Yes. I hear something.
SHAWN:
Yes, me too.
ALLEN:
Paper!
SHAWN:
(writes on his hand) No. No, it's not paper.
ALLEN:
Yes, it's clearly paper.
SHAWN:
You have to concentrate. Breathe deeply.
SHAWN hurriedly puts away the file and folder.
ALLEN:
No. Uh-uh. I'm definitely not feeling anything anymore.
SHAWN puts the box back and resumes his vision pose just as ALLEN opens her eyes.
SHAWN:
I think we've lost her.
INT. SBPD, HALL, NIGHT
SHAWN:
I'm so sorry I couldn't reach her.
ALLEN:
It's okay. (takes SHAWN’S hands) I know how temperamental the spirit world can...(sees the writing on his hand) Your hand!
SHAWN lets out an exaggerated gasp of astonishment.
ALLEN:
It was the spirits.
SHAWN:
Yes.
GUS:
It's a message from beyond. What does it say?
SHAWN:
(holds hand in front of his eyes) I think I should keep it to myself. It's a private message.
INT. GUS’ APARTMENT, BEDROOM, DAY
GUS is asleep in bed when the lights come on. He wakes and sits up, startled. SHAWN is sitting on the windowsill.
SHAWN:
Dude, you look so peaceful when you're sleeping.
GUS:
(stands and points at SHAWN) Never come in my apartment again. You hear me?
SHAWN:
I've seen the Holmby Bank file.
GUS:
Look, Shawn, I don't want to...
SHAWN:
The cousin is the key. (stands)
GUS:
Which cousin? The one the sister mentioned?
SHAWN:
And then immediately regretted. You could see it. She let it slip. Dude, the guy runs a cemetery. Which one? Oh, I don't know, the one David Wilcroft is buried in? I’ll bet you dollars to donuts he knows exactly where the money is. Look, it's all right here on my hand.
SHAWN holds up the hand he wrote on and GUS grabs it and turns it so he can read.
SHAWN:
His name is Roger Blaine, creepy as all-get-out. Lives on the grounds alone, no wife, no kids... (GUS points to a spot) Not that part. That's the Italian seamstress I met at the renaissance fair.
GUS drops SHAWN’S hand in disgust.
INT. ECHO, ON THE ROAD, DAY
GUS is behind the wheel as SHAWN eats.
GUS:
How much further is this place?
SHAWN:
I don't know. 50, 60 miles.
GUS:
60 miles? And you didn't get me a donut?
SHAWN:
I did get you a donut, and then I ate it.
GUS:
I can't believe I'm doing this.
SHAWN:
Solving a crime? That happens to be our job description.
GUS:
No, driving so far on a whim.
SHAWN:
"A whim”, he says. A guy dies and gets buried by his own weirdo cousin in a tiny cemetery way up the coast in a town with a population of 200. That is not a whim. That is a clue.
GUS:
You think the cousin has the money?
SHAWN:
"Roger Blaine"? That even sounds like an alias. He could've killed Wilcroft. Or it could have been the sister. Gus, they're all kind of creepy. The dead guy, the undertaker, the sister, Raylene...
GUS:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. There's nothing creepy about Raylene.
SHAWN:
Nothing creepy about the melodramatic widow?
GUS:
No.
SHAWN:
Are you serious? Who marries a bank robber? Who sees a psychic every week?
GUS:
There's nothing wrong with her, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Okay, what is this thing you have with women in jeopardy? They have a name for this, you know. It's called the Stockholm syndrome.
GUS:
No, it's not.
SHAWN:
Florence Nightingale's disease?
GUS:
Are you trying to be funny? You can't ridicule me because I want to help.
SHAWN:
I can when you want to help too much. You have an unnatural affinity for this woman that I simply cannot wrap my brain around. She dresses like she's on her way to a PTA meeting.
GUS:
Fine. She reminds me of somebody who was very important to me.
SHAWN:
Who?
VICK:
Don't worry about it.
SHAWN:
Oh, no.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Don't say it.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Don't say Meredith Baxter Birney.
GUS:
It's not M.B.B.
SHAWN:
This is unhealthy.
GUS:
Okay, you were in love with her, too.
SHAWN:
I loved her because she was Mrs. Keaton and she gave birth to A.P.K.
GUS:
It's not her anyway.
SHAWN:
Well, who is it?
GUS:
My babysitter.
SHAWN:
Your babysitter?
GUS:
Yes, my babysitter.
SHAWN:
Gus, Mrs. Pilderman was in her late 60s.
GUS:
Mrs. Pilderman was 37 years old and she was a nurse, Shawn. She taught me things like, you know, about books and art. Things like that.
SHAWN:
Things like skinny-dipping.
GUS:
I did not go skinny-dipping with Mrs. Pilderman.
SHAWN:
Well, at least that sheds some light on it.
EXT. CEMETARY, DAY
SHAWN and GUS stand on the porch of BLAINE’S house. SHAWN knocks on the door.
SHAWN:
Huh. Nobody's home.
GUS:
No, somebody's here.
SHAWN:
You can see through doors now? That's the new thing?
GUS:
I can smell the laundry vent.
SHAWN:
No, you can't.
GUS:
Okay. (sniffs)
SHAWN:
Oh, Gus, please, with the supersmeller. You have to stop.
GUS continues to sniff and SHAWN starts to sniff as well.
SHAWN:
Oh, dude, I can smell it, too.
GUS:
I told you.
SHAWN:
Jeans and socks and underwear and a Bounce sheet.
GUS:
Make jokes. How long do you think it takes to dry a load of clothes? 30 minutes? Somebody's here and not answering the door. (bends over to pick through curtains)
SHAWN:
Gus, I apologize. That's very impressive detective work. I feel a little bad about the donut thing now.
GUS:
You should.
SHAWN:
(tries the door but it’s locked) Dang it! Let's try the back.
They run down the stairs and peek around the corner of the house. They pause and then creep along the path to the back. SHAWN backs up against the house as GUS peers around him. SHAWN points down and then waggles his fingers in front of his eyes before crowing. GUS grabs his hand and shoves it down.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Just stay and watch. Go on, G.
SHAWN creeps around to the backstairs and climbs up them sideways. Just as he reaches the door, it opens abruptly from inside. SHAWN is startled by the man.
SHAWN:
Whoa!
GUS comes running over.
SHAWN:
You're not Roger. No. No, no, you're, uh…(flashes on photos) You're David Wilcroft. Aren't you supposed to be dead?
GUS faints. SHAWN looks at him.
SHAWN:
Gus? Gus?
INT. BLAINE’S HOUSE, DAY
WILCROFT walks them through the kitchen to the living room.
WILCROFT:
Look, it’s not that easy to explain. I'm not a real criminal. I just... I got in a little over my head.
GUS:
You robbed a bank.
WILCROFT:
I didn't want to. I was in a bad place. They trusted me. I was supposed to stash the cash.
SHAWN:
(sees the mud on WILCROFT’S shoes and jeans) You lost the money.
WILCROFT:
Yeah. How'd you know?
SHAWN:
(puts his hand to his head and flashes on the articles) Uh... it was...it was raining really hard for two whole days.
WILCROFT:
It was the worst rainstorm in 30 years.
SHAWN:
You couldn't find it.
WILCROFT:
Yeah, by the time the roads reopened, every marker I left was gone. It was washed away. I lost three and a half million dollars. Driving back, I nearly drove off the road. It was then I realized I'd be better off dead.
SHAWN:
And you have been digging ever since.
WILCROFT:
Every chance I can get out there without the risk of being seen by hikers or mountain bikers, I dig.
GUS:
You know what? Raylene is in agony over this.
WILCROFT:
I didn't mean her any harm.
GUS:
You were never going to tell her?
WILCROFT:
I couldn't.
SHAWN:
Excuse us a moment.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Gus, what's happening with you and this guy's wife? Are you having feelings for this woman?
GUS:
That's ridiculous.
SHAWN:
No, no, Gus. Gus, this is wonderful. Look, we didn't know he was alive. When she came to us, she was technically available...
GUS:
Shawn, stop it. (to WILCROFT) I'm not hitting on your wife.
SHAWN:
No, he's not, but there is some serious crushing here. Dude, I am not blind. "A man with many hats doesn't like his haircut"? What? What book is that from?
GUS:
She's a charming woman.
SHAWN:
"A charming woman"? Oh, you're Jane Austen now? She is an adult, she is attractive, she is mature.
GUS:
Shawn...
SHAWN:
David, help me out here. Tell him that this is healthy.
WILCROFT:
Raylene is a very dynamic woman. Everybody's drawn to her. Look, guys, I know you want to turn me in. But you've got to understand, I am close. I am so very close. I've covered nearly every inch inside the Kalish trail loop where I buried it.
GUS:
And you want us to let you find it?
WILCROFT:
Get her to hide someplace, someplace safe. I just want to return the money and get on with my life.
SHAWN:
We have to think this through.
GUS:
Yeah.
GUS and SHAWN head for the door.
WILCROFT:
You know, in my mind, they were the lucky ones, they got to go to prison, pay off their debt to society. I've been living as a dead man. If Raylene's going to find out that I'm alive, at the very least don't let it come from a stranger, let it come from me.
EXT. BLAINE’S HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk to the car.
GUS:
We're letting him go?
SHAWN:
He's not going anywhere until he finds that money. I doubt that'll be anytime soon. He did have cool hair, though. We're missing something else here. He's the key to solving this puzzle.
GUS:
(looks at SHAWN over the car) We need to tell Raylene.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're holding all the cards. Why would we do that?
GUS:
Because she's in danger.
SHAWN:
Maybe we can fix that.
They get into the car.
EXT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
GUS: (v.o.)
Your husband, he's alive.
SHAWN: (v.o.)
Gus!
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
RAYLENE is sitting on a chair in front of GUS’ desk. SHAWN and GUS are standing.
SHAWN:
Remember the part where we weren't going to tell her?
GUS:
We never said that.
RAYLENE:
David's alive?
GUS:
We found him. He's with his cousin.
SHAWN can’t believe that GUS has gone against the plan because of his feelings towards RAYLENE.
RAYLENE:
Roger? No, no, no. That can't be.
SHAWN:
I'm sure your head is spinning, and that you don't feel completely safe right now. But rest assured, we do have a plan. We are going to put the convicts back in jail.
GUS:
Where they belong.
SHAWN:
And are going to stay for a while.
EXT. STREET, DAY
The two convicts walk into a liquor store. Across the street, LASSITER and JULIET watch from his car.
LASSITER:
We'll put these guys behind bars where they belong.
INT. LASSITER’S CAR, DAY
While LASSITER looks through binoculars, JULIET removes an old fast food take-out tray from the dash.
JULIET:
Ugh. (puts it in the back seat) So, who authorized this stakeout?
LASSITER:
What?
JULIET:
You know, who set it up?
LASSITER:
I did.
JULIET:
I mean, who sanctioned it? Approved it? Above you.
LASSITER:
Above me? You know, I don't think I like where this is going.
JULIET:
I just mean it should be officially sanctioned as per the police code.
LASSITER:
Which one?
JULIET:
11a-17.
LASSITER:
Ticky-Tack. Doesn't apply.
JULIET:
In most cases, someone still has to authorize it.
LASSITER:
Oh, that's right, I remember now. I did!
JULIET:
What about 42.211?
LASSITER:
What about it?
JULIET:
Well, it states that...
LASSITER:
It's superseded by 15.75.
JULIET:
Not necessarily.
LASSITER:
If you're in the jurisdiction Of a 23.40, it is.
JULIET:
Maybe.
LASSITER:
"Maybe"?
SHAWN pops up in the back seat.
SHAWN:
Technically, a 23.40 only applies in federal cases.
LASSITER:
(looks at SHAWN) What are you doing in here?
SHAWN:
I thought we could share info. What are we looking at? (reaches for binoculars on dash)
LASSITER:
(slaps SHAWN’S hand) Get out of my car!
SHAWN:
Shouldn't you be wondering how I slid in and lounged for two minutes without you noticing? (to JULIET) You're new and pretty, so it's okay.
LASSITER:
You've got 10 seconds before I latch the doors and haul you down to the station.
SHAWN:
(sing-song) They don't know where the money is.
JULIET:
What?
SHAWN:
Isn't that why you're following them? So they'll lead you to the money? Psychic. It's amazing. You'll get used to it. Look, the dead guy buried the money and then lost it, but that's beside the point. I think we can cut our losses, and put these two back behind bars, if we work together.
JULIET:
And how do we do that?
SHAWN:
First, we dress up as musketeers and make a very special pact. (puts his hand out in front, palm down, waiting for the other to put their hands on his) Come on, you watched them pull at least a handful of probation violations. You've been tailing them. You saw what they did to my office.
JULIET:
They haven't been anywhere near your office.
SHAWN:
They were near enough to bust out my window two nights ago.
LASSITER:
No, you're wrong.
SHAWN:
You lost them, anyway.
LASSITER looks back at the liquor store to see the two men are gone.
SHAWN:
We'll talk tomorrow. Bye, Juliet. (gets out of the car)
LASSITER grips the steering wheel with both hands and breathes deep to control his frustration. Around the corner, GUS drives up and SHAWN runs over and gets in the car.
INT. ECHO, DAY
SHAWN puts on his seatbelt.
GUS:
They don't want our help?
SHAWN:
Of course they don't, but they also lost our guys. Did you see where they went?
GUS:
Did I see where they went? You mean, did I see their car turn right on Riverside? Or did I see the parking tag from the 2400 motel?
SHAWN:
Touché. Did you see what kind of whiskey they bought?
GUS:
Shawn, please. Time is being wasted.
SHAWN chuckles as GUS drives.
EXT. 2400 MOTEL, NIGHT
SHAWN is trying to unlock the door to the bank robbers’ room
GUS:
This is breaking and entering.
SHAWN:
No, no, no. Only if we break something. And then enter something. Entering is just "entering”.
GUS:
I'm not breaking the law, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Look, you want to save your little widow? We've got to find some evidence to put these guys away.
GUS:
I'm standing firm on this.
SHAWN looks down at GUS’ feet and gives up on the door.
SHAWN:
Fine. What about the window? If it just opens, does that count?
GUS:
Depends.
SHAWN gets the window open a crack and peers in. GUS sees something behind SHAWN.
SHAWN:
I see something.
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
I might be able to slide this chain off. (tries to move chain from the top of the window)
GUS:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm trying to concentrate.
GUS:
You might want to turn around.
SHAWN:
What? (turns to see the bank robbers, one aiming a gun at him) Whoa! You guys parked around back, huh?
GUS and SHAWN slowly raise their hands.
INT. 2400 MOTEL ROOM, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN are pushed into the room.
SHAWN:
Okay, okay! Was that really necessary? Were we resisting?
ROBBER 1:
Man, window inspector? In a motel? (takes off jacket)
SHAWN:
Okay, I lied. I did. I'm sorry. The truth is I'm a psychic. That's what I do.
ROBBER 2:
I've been in jail four years.
SHAWN:
You don't have papers? I thought you guys had TV and yard darts and Mah-Jongg and... (GUS smacks him) Okay. I... I... I, uh... I come bearing a message... from a departed being. David Wilcroft... wants you to know that he lost the money. It's gone forever.
ROBBER 1:
Why are you telling us this?
SHAWN:
Uh, he...he is concerned that you're going to harm... rins... rackle...
GUS:
Raylene.
SHAWN:
Raylene.
The two robbers laugh.
ROBBER 1:
Oh, that's funny.
SHAWN and GUS join in the laughter.
SHAWN:
That is funny.
ROBBER 1:
(sobers instantly) Jesse, can you make sure that we are not disturbed?
JESSE backs away to the door.
SHAWN:
You can...
JESSE goes outside, closing the door.
ROBBER 1:
Can you prove you're a psychic?
SHAWN:
Sure. Sure. Uh... uh, you are... a bank robber. Yes. You... did not like prison. (sees dirt on the hem of ROBBER 1’s pants) You are wearing the same pants that you were released in, and you have... you've packed on a few pounds since being incarcerated...
ROBBER 1:
No, look, man, I'm talking about real proof. Like a test. Now, look, if you're right, you live. If you're wrong... Man, you don't want to be wrong.
SHAWN:
Here's the thing. It's not really a parlor trick...
ROBBER 1:
No.
SHAWN:
And... And I don't want to cheapen it.
ROBBER 1:
Look, prove it now. Let's go. (pushes SHAWN onto the couch) What's wrong with you? Move.
GUS:
(sits in chair) Okay, okay.
ROBBER 1 stands with his back to the TV and puts his other hand behind his back.
ROBBER 1:
How many fingers?
SHAWN:
H... How many, uh... fingers? What, are you...Are you kidding? I mean... (pours himself a glass of water from the metal pitcher on the table)
ROBBER 1:
Do I look like I'm joking around? How many fingers?
SHAWN:
We've got to be able to come up with something better.
ROBBER 1:
All right, man. Time's up.
SHAWN sees ROBBER 1’s hand reflected in the TV and the pitcher.
SHAWN:
Four. (sits back and sips water)
ROBBER 1:
All right, how many now?
SHAWN:
(glances at the pitcher) Two. Now, can we move on? Because Gus and I have some questions that we...
ROBBER 1 changes his fingers to three and SHAWN checks the pitcher.
SHAWN:
Three. For instance, why was it so funny when...Three. And is it possible... Still three.
ROBBER 1 is undecided.
SHAWN:
Now it's technically two and a half fingers. And... the guy with the gun is flipping me the bird.
ROBBER 1:
You can see my fingers, can't you?
SHAWN:
No, no. Yes. Yes, I can. It's the reflection of the TV bouncing off the mirror to the... to the water pitcher here.
ROBBER 1:
Okay, maybe not. We're going to try this one more time. (moves in front of GUS) Now, how many fingers?
SHAWN looks at GUS who shows him three fingers.
SHAWN:
Dude... you need to stop picking three.
ROBBER 1:
(lowers gun) Respect, man. (fist bumps SHAWN) Oh, man, that's... yeah.
EXT. 2400 MOTEL, NIGHT
LASSITER and JULIET pull into the parking lot and see the light on in the room.
LASSITER:
Yep. They're back here.
JULIET:
I can't believe we lost them.
LASSITER:
Don't think that wasn't on purpose.
LASSITER puts the car in park.
INT. 2400 MOTEL ROOM, NIGHT
JESSE is back inside and is sitting next to SHAWN on the couch. All but GUS have beers.
SHAWN:
(toasts) To Wilcroft!
ROBBER 1:
A hell of a wheel man. (sits on SHAWN’S other side)
SHAWN:
He was the wheel man?
ROBBER 1:
Yeah. You should know that, right?
GUS:
Well, Shawn's visions sometimes are scattered. Incomplete.
SHAWN:
How does a wheel man miss a turn on a mountain road?
JESSE:
Oh, I tell you what, he didn't miss that turn. I bet he just drove straight off. You want to know why?
SHAWN:
(slowly looks to GUS) Because he was trying to get away from his... wife.
ROBBER 1:
Damn, you're good!
GUS:
Hey, no, no. That's... That can't be. Why would he be...
ROBBER 1:
We called her "The Viper”. Man, she was cold as hell. We had to do whatever she said, man. We had no choice.
GUS:
Who?
ROBBER 1:
The wife.
GUS:
Raylene?
ROBBER 1:
You know her?
GUS:
Well, she came to us, she wanted to contact David.
ROBBER 1:
Figures. That was her only weakness. The occult. Man, she'd stop at nothing to get her hands on that money.
GUS:
No, she only wanted that money to protect herself from you two.
Both men point to themselves.
ROBBER 1:
From... from us?
GUS:
Yeah.
The robbers laugh.
ROBBER 1:
Man, the last thing we would ever do is cross her. All we wanted to do was get away from her. Especially David.
SHAWN looks sadly at GUS.
ROBBER 1:
She ran him around like he was an animal. He did whatever she said. (looks to SHAWN) Look, man, I don't know if you guys got caught up in the charm or whatever, but I'll tell you, man, that was her key. She could play anybody. I'm telling you, she's a very dangerous lady.
GUS:
Raylene was the mastermind?
SHAWN:
Whoo! I already knew that... because I'm a psychic. Come on, guys. We should go.
SHAWN and the robbers stand up. SHAWN shakes ROBBER 1’s hand. JESSE peers out the window.
JESSE:
Uh... you don't want to go out that way.
SHAWN:
Why?
JESSE:
We got company outside. (sees LASSITER and JULIET)
SHAWN:
Is there another way out of here?
INT. ECHO, ON THE ROAD, NIGHT
SHAWN is driving while keeping an eye on the rearview mirror.
GUS:
I can't believe I just crawled through a bathroom window. It has to be a lie.
SHAWN:
Gus, you're attracted to dangerous women, man. It happens. Joan Jett, for example. Penny Marshall. Grace Jones. Or the woman who played Pinky Tuscadero.
GUS:
She seemed so sincere. So vulnerable, you know?
SHAWN:
Yeah, turns out she's a domineering snake lady who drove her browbeaten husband to fake his own death. And we... we led her right to the poor bastard.
GUS:
Man.
SHAWN:
Lizzie Borden. Kathy Bates.
EXT. MAUSOLEUM, NIGHT
GUS parks the car right in front of the mausoleum and the two run inside.
INT. MAUSOLEUM, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS run into a room where they see RAYLENE.
GUS:
Raylene, this is not...
RAYLENE turns to face them with a gun in her hand. They stop short.
SHAWN:
Whoa! What, today's gun day?
RAYLENE:
Sit. (points to bench)
GUS and SHAWN sit down.
GUS:
"Just rush in here”. Bad idea, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Let her hang herself.
RAYLENE:
Quiet!
SHAWN:
(puts hand to head) Raylene, I'm sensing (stands) that this is going to end very, very badly.
RAYLENE:
Find me my money. (looks to WILCROFT) I know you have it.
SHAWN:
He doesn't have it. I'm the only one who knows where the money is.
GUS:
Whoa, whoa. (stands) He doesn't know where the money is.
SHAWN:
(clenched jaw) Of course I know where the money is.
GUS:
Shawn, I don't know what your strategy is, but you don't know where the money is.
RAYLENE:
You have five seconds. One...
SHAWN:
Really?
RAYLENE:
Two...
SHAWN:
The countdown?
RAYLENE:
Three!
SHAWN:
(jumps on the bench) Okay. It's in the crypt.
RAYLENE:
The money's in the crypt?
SHAWN:
(jumps onto WILCROFT’S bench) David here certainly isn't. (jumps to the floor) Think about it, Raylene. Roger runs the place. It's the perfect hiding spot. They can get in and out whenever they want.
RAYLENE:
(to WILCROFT) Pry it open.
WILCROFT:
With what?
RAYLENE:
(looks around) With the stanchion.
WILCROFT gets up and walks to the stanchion.
SHAWN:
Huh. (walks to GUS) Apparently, those are called "stanchions," Gus. Were you aware of this?
GUS:
Yes, I was. How did you figure out that money was in the crypt?
SHAWN:
(whispers) I'm bluffing.
GUS:
(whispers) This is not a good time to bluff.
SHAWN:
I think it's a great time. She was going to kill us. And besides, I've always thought a crypt was a great place to stash loot, you know?
WILCROFT approaches the crypt with the stanchion.
SHAWN:
It's kind of like a vault. You can just get in there whenever you need to.
GUS:
She's going to figure out you're lying!
SHAWN:
Eventually. But come on, it's going to take a while to bust open a crypt.
They hear a crash and turn around to see that WILCROFT has broken open a section of the crypt.
SHAWN:
(turns back to GUS) Wow. Not as long as I was hoping for.
RAYLENE:
Help him get it out.
GUS:
Raylene, please...
RAYLENE:
What are you waiting for?
SHAWN hears the door open.
SHAWN:
That.
ROBBER 1 and JESSE enter.
ROBBER 1:
Son of a...
JESSE:
David.
GUS:
I don't believe this.
SHAWN:
What are you going to do, Raylene? Shoot all of us?
RAYLENE:
None of you are armed. I can do whatever I want.
The robbers slowly raise their hands.
JULIET:
Really, now?
JULIET aims her gun at RAYLENE. LASSITER approaches from the other side.
LASSITER:
Drop it.
RAYLENE puts her gun on the bench and LASSITER picks it up and puts it in his pocket.
LASSITER:
(to WILCROFT) You, move away from the stanchion.
WILCROFT puts the stanchion down and sits back on the bench.
SHAWN:
Uh... what took you so long?
LASSITER:
Shut up.
JULIET cuffs RAYLENE and LASSITER cuffs WILCROFT. The detectives take their prisoners out.
GUS:
He does have nice hair.
SHAWN:
Yeah, that takes a lot of upkeep, though, man.
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
You've got to worry about split ends...
GUS:
Dandruff.
SHAWN:
Dandruff.
GUS:
It's horrible.
SHAWN:
It's awful.
GUS:
Yeah. Let's get out of here.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
LASSITER, JULIET, SHAWN and GUS follow VICK.
VICK:
The Wilcrofts are not talking at all to our investigators.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
LASSITER, JULIET, SHAWN and GUS stand in front of the desk as VICK walks around behind it.
VICK:
We get indications from their lawyers that they will plead the fifth to all charges, which leaves me with a whole slew of loose ends. For instance, Detective Lassiter, could you tell me how you made the discovery that David Wilcroft was still alive?
LASSITER:
Well, actually, Chief, we never made that connection, per se. We were on a stakeout.
VICK:
Yes, I see that. (reads report) You describe it as... "harrowing and intense”.
JULIET:
I'm sorry. Those were my words. (to LASSITER) You wanted me to spell-check it.
VICK:
I still don't understand how that connected you to David Wilcroft.
GUS:
Well, that's where we come in, Chief. Some good work was done...
SHAWN:
By Detective Lassiter. He was amazing. He figured out there was a connection to Roger Blaine, the cousin, who was involved with the faking of the death. Burnt body, no DNA, pretty convenient, he deducted.
LASSITER:
I never said that.
SHAWN:
No, but you thought it. That's how good you are, Lassie. You practically solved this entire case up here, (taps head) without uttering a single word.
LASSITER:
I did nothing of the kind. I was following the money and protecting Raylene.
VICK:
Who turned out to be the dangerous one.
SHAWN:
Which I picked up from Detective Lassiter's massive brain.
LASSITER:
Not true.
SHAWN:
True.
LASSITER:
Not.
SHAWN:
It was so.
VICK:
Gentlemen, please. So we still have no idea where the money is?
SHAWN puts his hand on LASSITER’S head. LASSITER shoves it away.
SHAWN:
I got nothing from him. But if he figures anything out, I'll be the first to know.
LASSITER:
Would you excuse us for a moment? (grabs SHAWN and spins him around, keeping a grip on the back of his neck) We're going to have a private conversation.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
LASSITER:
I know what you're doing.
SHAWN:
Giving you credit.
LASSITER:
Trying to get me to admit you're psychic.
SHAWN:
You've already done that.
LASSITER:
No, I haven't.
SHAWN:
(pauses to think) You're right. I'm sorry, you didn't actually say it.
LASSITER:
Spencer, no matter what you do, I will never, never, ever say those words.
SHAWN:
Which words?
LASSITER:
You know which words.
SHAWN:
No, man, I lost my train of thought. Which words?
LASSITER only smirks at him. SHAWN puts one hand on LASSITER’S head and pinches the detective’s nose with the other. He soon lets go.
SHAWN:
Oh. (loudly) That you think I'm a psychic. (those in the office look at them) Those words? So when are you going to tell them where the money is?
LASSITER:
I don't know where the money is.
SHAWN:
Sure you do. You're seeing... dirt. Am I right?
LASSITER:
No!
SHAWN:
What am I going to say now? (goes back into the office)
EXT, HIKING TRAILS, DAY
GUS parks the car near the beginning of the trails and he and SHAWN get out.
GUS:
What are we doing here?
SHAWN:
It's Saturday. I thought we'd get some fresh air.
GUS:
We drove an hour out of town to get some fresh air?
SHAWN:
Well, there's that...(opens the back to reveal shovels – and takeout) and...(takes out shovels) and we're going to find the dread pirate Wilcroft's dirty booty.
GUS:
Shawn, the guy's been digging for four years. We're going to find it in one afternoon?
SHAWN:
90 minutes, tops. (brings out the takeout) And I brought some chicken for a hearty snack.
GUS:
And how do you plan on finding it?
SHAWN:
Well, he said he dug up every inch of the Kalish loop after he buried it here, right?
GUS:
Yes, three miles' worth.
SHAWN:
But it was dark, and it had rained. And he said he thought it was right off the path. He may have gotten lost.
GUS:
I heard the story, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Did he realize that there is a "J" Kalish and an "L" Kalish trail? Dude, it's completely defunct. Check it out. (gives GUS map) Only used by the Rangers for back fires, medical access, mud slide emergency routes, like, for instance, during a torrential rainstorm. Otherwise, it's gated, and it looks completely abandoned from the road.
GUS:
Okay, I find it, (takes a dinner) I get credit. (picks up a shovel and starts down the trail)
SHAWN:
I'm the psychic. I have to get a vibration. (closes back of car and follows) "Chief?" "Yes?" "I'm getting a trailhead, a pathway...and something else." "What is it?" "Chicken bones. Yes, Tandoori style." "Fresh." "Oh, I bet they were delicious." "Yes."