Transcript: 1x15 Scary Sherry
Jun. 24th, 2012 07:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jpgrLook! I've done it! I've finished season 1! I hope you all liked it and I will continue so keep watching.
HALLOWEEN NIGHT, 1987
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
SHAWN is dressed as a policeman and is none too happy about it. He leaves the house and stops, looking up.
SHAWN:
This is torture.
HENRY, in uniform, is leaning against his squad car.
HENRY:
It's not torture, Shawn. It's a 10-minute ride to the police station.
SHAWN:
(whines) But I want to eat my candy! (holds up plastic bag)
HENRY:
Not until I have it X-rayed.
GUS joins them dressed as Lando Calrissian.
GUS:
Well, can I eat my candy?
HENRY:
Knock yourself out, Lando. As long as your old man doesn't mind his nine-year-old son passing razor blades.
INT. SQUAD CAR, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS sit in the front seat as HENRY drives them to the station. Out of nowhere, a MAN throws himself at the car, forcing HENRY to step on the brakes. The MAN peers in the open window.
MAN:
Help! Officer, please! We've got a jumper!
HENRY:
(points) Hey, hey, back off. I got kids in here.
MAN:
Phone lines are down. We've tried the police already. There's no time, she's really going to jump.
HENRY:
Okay, okay, look, look, I'll radio for backup, but I'm not going to subject these boys to--
SHAWN and GUS look at the building and see the woman.
SHAWN:
Dad, you have to help.
HENRY looks and sees the woman standing in the open window.
HENRY:
Son of a--
HENRY puts on the lights and siren and drives onto the premises past a sign reading “Wispy Sunny Pines Mental Health Facility”. He pulls up in front of the building.
HENRY:
All right, now, listen to me, boys. I do not want you to leave this vehicle. Do you understand? I want you to stay put until I get back. Don't look. Don't listen. Just shut your eyes. (gets out of the car) And keep them shut. I'll be right back.
SHAWN and GUS close their eyes.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
HENRY rushes up the stairs followed by the MAN.
MAN:
She's straight up the stairs. Room 413!
INT. SQUAD CAR, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS are sitting with their eyes shut tight.
SHAWN:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
GUS:
Not even sort of.
SHAWN opens his eyes and looks up at the building where he sees the woman framed in the window. GUS peeks and sees SHAWN looking. The woman leans forward and starts to fall. GUS puts his hand over SHAWN’S eyes while closing his own. SHAWN reaches up with his hand to pulls GUS’ away.
SHAWN:
Gus...
GUS:
You'll thank me later.
SHAWN finally gets GUS’ hand away and looks up at the window. It’s empty. The boys look at each other as more police arrive on site.
EXACTLY TWENTY YEARS LATER…give or take ten minutes
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
The facility is long-abandoned; overgrown and dilapidated.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
A scared young woman is walking down the hall as a scary voice calls out her name. She looks around and sees a figure in white coming at her. She runs up the stairs as the voice keeps calling.
VOICE:
Doreen!
DOREEN runs down the hall, scrambling under a fallen door. She presses back against a wall and whimpers.
VOICE:
Doreen!
DOREEN runs into the closest room: 413. She looks out the window and sees the reflection of the figure chasing her. She turns and screams as she backs away. She falls backwards out the window. A figure dressed in white with black hair looks out the window.
**************************************************************************
PSYCH
“Scary Sherry: Bianca’s Toast”
By
Steve Franks & James Roday
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
John Landis
**********************************************************************
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the office, still dressed from playing racquetball.
GUS:
You cheated.
SHAWN:
I did not cheat. You're not using the side walls at all.
GUS:
I don't need your tips, Shawn. I've beaten you before.
SHAWN:
Yeah, when we were 12, and I had pink eye.
GUS:
Immaterial. The low game was crackling. The worm burner was in full effect.
SHAWN:
You cannot have a shot called the worm burner.
GUS:
Why not?
SHAWN:
Because it's my strikeout pitch in wiffle ball. Pick a different name.
They turn around and see a woman dressed in a pink shirt and a denim mini-skirt facing away from them.
SHAWN:
Excuse us. May we help you?
The woman turns around and it’s JULIET.
JULIET:
(turns around) Hey, guys.
GUS:
Damn, girl.
JULIET:
Yeah, I know. Get it all out now. I barely recognize myself.(takes two cards from her purse) But isn't it kind of amazing?
JULIET walks over and hands SHAWN and GUS a card each.
SHAWN:
(reads) Mary Lou Baumgartner, National Alumni Vice-Parliamentarian, Beta Kappa Theta sorority. (looks at GUS)
JULIET:
Guys, I'm undercover. Deep.
SHAWN:
Oh...we should totally celebrate!
JULIET:
It's crazy. I have spent the entire morning planning a mixer! And yesterday, I went and I had a Himalayan mani-pedi. Yeah, at first, it was just to get the other girls to talk, but then I realized my cuticles have been completely taken for granted.
SHAWN:
Jules?
JULIET:
Hmm?
SHAWN:
You realize that we're the only ones that can see or hear you?
JULIET:
Yeah, okay, I admit, I've been undercover a week now, and it's really hard to get out of this mindset. These girls, they are demons. They are vicious little prairie dogs with trust funds and collagen parties. It's a lot to juggle, and I need a favor.
SHAWN:
Okay.
JULIET:
I've been at the university investigating the death of a co-ed, Doreen Harthan.
GUS:
The girl they found at Wispy Sunny Pines? Isn't that a suicide?
JULIET:
Allegedly. A copycat job. I guess Santa Barbara has some sort of urban legend about a mental patient who jumped from room 413.
GUS:
Scary Sherry.
SHAWN:
We know that one.
JULIET:
Yeah, well, I'm not so sure about the suicide angle, and Interim Chief Vick is putting a tremendous amount of faith in me to crack this thing, and I need to build a case. (unzips a pink folder and pulls out a file) So I'm here, but I'm not. Get it?
SHAWN:
(takes file) Gus, what's the word?
GUS:
Uh, that would be "mum”.
JULIET:
Doreen was pledging the sorority, and I, or Mary Lou, am helping my sisters through this very difficult time. I'm convinced they know more than they're letting on. I need a psychic to read the sorority house. Can you come by tonight?
SHAWN:
Can we wear pajamas?
JULIET:
No.
SHAWN:
Even better.
JULIET:
Guys, this is serious. There's some really weird stuff that's been going on. These girls are petrified. They think they're being haunted.
GUS:
By what?
JULIET hesitates and looks down.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on, Jules. You know we're going to come man up. Just tell us.
JULIET:
Doreen Harthan's lumbering ghost.
GUS:
Lumbering?
SHAWN:
Seems completely logical to me.
JULIET:
(picks up purse) Meet me at the house at 7:00. And remember, I was never here.
SHAWN:
Oh, quick question. Where's Lassiter for all of this?
JULIET:
Temporary reassignment. Bye! (waves and leaves)
INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
LASSITER stops short when he sees an older woman sitting at the table in the room.
LASSITER:
Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to vacate this room.
The WOMAN is eating a muffin with a cup of coffee.
WOMAN:
Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to go screw yourself.
LASSITER:
I beg your pardon?
WOMAN:
Oh, don't beg.
LASSITER:
(walks over) Look, there's going to be a private meeting in this room between myself and a new detective from a new department.
WOMAN:
Well, then I must be in the right place.
LASSITER:
Uh, no, ma'am, I'm looking for a rookie.
WOMAN:
What the hell does that mean?
LASSITER:
You know, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, roots matching the rest of the hair.
WOMAN:
I'm a detective. Goochberg. "Gooch" to people I respect, and those few lucky enough to have seen me naked. Guess which one you should use?
LASSITER:
Oh, God, the first one? How could you possibly be a rookie detective at your... you know, advanced age?
GOOCHBERG:
I passed the test Friday. I had to sue the department to let me take it again.
LASSITER:
Again?
GOOCHBERG:
I might have failed it...a few times. 13, to be exact. But that's the first thing you're going to learn about me, scarecrow. The word "quit" is not in my vocabulary. Where do you go to shoot guns around here?
GOOCHBERG stands and heads for the door leaving a stunned LASSITER standing in the empty room.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS are sitting on couches across from each other surrounded by the residents drinking tea. SHAWN takes a deep breath and looks covertly into the purse of the girl next to him. He sees a valet parking ticket for the mall and has a “vision”.
SHAWN:
I see a man. He's driving your car. You don't know him. He's a valet. And a mall. Wait, I see a shoe store. Your father's gold card. A Jamba Juice may have been involved.
GIRL:
Oh, my God, I totally went shopping today. And I passed a Jamba on State Street. You are amazing.
All the girls gasp in amazement.
JULIET:
See, Bianca? (whispers) Now, tell Shawn what happened to you last night.
BIANCA:
Okay, here goes. This is so scary. I was lying in bed watching One Tree Hill, my favorite show-- Chad Michael Murray is so hot. And I have this cute liquid kitty alarm clock, right? It meows, and it blinks its eyes every half-hour. So, all of a sudden, they just started blinking, over and over and over, and then it just stopped! And then... it let out this half-meow (meows) And then its tail fell off. Then it exploded.
SHAWN:
Wow. Uh, slow build. Uh, half-meow? Unexpected. Didn't see the end coming at all. How about you, Gus?
GUS:
Uh, what? No, I can't say I did.
SHAWN:
Anybody else?
The girls all start talking at once.
JULIET:
Okay, okay, so basically, it's a lot of really weird stuff that's creepy and happens at night. Mr... Spencer, is it?
SHAWN:
Yes, that's correct, Mrs... barn...door? Take...bill... mat... snatcher...bik... gert... sten...per plintken? Baumgartner. Now, what I'm going to need from you, is an article of clothing, preferably an undergarment.
JULIET:
Don't you usually get that from the victim?
SHAWN:
I've seen it both ways. I'm going to have to take a look around to see... what I feel. Starting with the bedrooms. (stands)
JULIET:
Of course. I'll show you upstairs.
The girls sitting next to GUS look at each other.
GIRL 1:
Ask him.
GIRL 2:
You ask him.
GUS:
What? What do you want to ask me, girls? Don't be nervous. I put on my pants one leg at time, just like you. (laughs)
SHAWN hears what’s going on and puts a hand up to stop JULIET as he waits to hear the outcome.
GIRL 1:
Okay. Did you really play Bud on The Cosby Show?
GUS:
(offended) Bud? Who told you that?
SHAWN smirks.
BIANCA:
I knew I recognized you!
GUS looks over as SHAWN moves JULIET across the room.
GUS:
Wait, wait, I'm not--
BIANCA:
Oh, come on, don't be modest, Gus. You were totally Bud!
GUS:
Shawn, you believe this?
SHAWN:
Uh, no, no, no, I-I didn't...I didn't catch any of that... Bud.
GUS:
Stop telling people that my name is Bud! (stands)
The room goes dark and the girls gasp. A voice echoes through the room.
VOICE:
Get out!
The lights come back on for a moment before going out again.
VOICE:
Ackenaib! Ackenaib! Ackenaib!
A vase falls from the mantelpiece and shatters on the floor. The girls gasp as a floor lamp falls over. The lights come back on again and GUS looks at SHAWN and points to the right. The lights go off again and they all look at each other. BIANCA screams and everyone looks in the same direction and we see a figure in white, face distorted by the window. The girls scream and run to huddle in the center of the room. The lights come back on and, sitting on the cushion where GUS had been seated in is teacup resting on its saucer. JULIET sees that SHAWN is no longer standing next to her.
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN down the stairs to the car screaming girlishly.
GUS:
Get in the car! We're going to die!
GUS runs to the driver’s side and hits the alarm button on his keys. On the passenger side, SHAWN jumps up and down.
SHAWN:
Make it open! Make the door open!
GUS:
I'm trying!
SHAWN:
Make the door open!
JULIET:
(on the stairs) Shawn! Where are you going?
SHAWN stops jumping and composes himself before walking over to JULIET. GUS finally gets the alarm to stop. He also realizes his window was down.
SHAWN:
My partner and I just need to confer in private. Compare notes and whatnot.
The car engine starts and SHAWN turns around to see GUS peel out of the driveway. He looks at JULIET as if to say “Let’s pretend this never happened”.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
SHAWN is checking out the empty room as JULIET enters.
JULIET:
Okay... the girls are sleeping over at the Omega Mus'.
SHAWN sits on the couch and JULIET sits next to him. He holds up a piece of electronics.
SHAWN:
Well, they can come home tomorrow. I found the evil spirit. It's Radio Shack. The face at the window? The old "floodlight on the roof" trick. That's how they do it at Haunted Mansion. Don't ask me how I know that.
JULIET:
These girls are awful. The suspect list is essentially the entire student registry. Although...
SHAWN:
Although what?
JULIET:
Alice Bundy. Doreen's best friend, her roommate.
SHAWN:
I thought you said she lived at home.
JULIET:
The Harthans took Alice in. She's the only one that I haven't talked to, but conventional wisdom would say she has a score to settle. Holy Shitzu! (looks at her hand)
SHAWN:
Excuse me?
JULIET:
(whines) This nail polish is already starting to chip.
SHAWN just shakes his head.
INT. SBPD, FIRING RANGE, DAY
LASSITER has on his protective gear while GOOCHBERG, in the area next to him, is not using any. She blinks every time she fires while LASSITER shows complete control. When they are done, LASSITER enters her area.
LASSITER:
You know, you might actually hit the target more if you bothered to blink in between rounds, and of course your concentration level might get a little boost if you bothered to wear protective ear and eyewear.
GOOCHBERG:
Nah. That wouldn't do any good. I'm totally deaf in this ear. (points to left) I was in a barroom fight with a teamster. She had a waffle iron. But see, that's not the problem. The problem is this pea-shooter, this pea-shooter they issued me (puts down gun) I need a real gun. I need something like this. (picks up LASSITER’S)
LASSITER:
No!
GOOCHBERG:
Let me see this. Ah, see, now, this is a gun. (cocks and aims the gun at the target)
LASSITER:
No, you see, that's an enormously powerful handgun. You're not bracing yourself for the kickback.
GOOCHBERG:
(looks at LASSITER) Don't tell me my business, kid.
GOOCHBERG uses both hands to aim and LASSITER covers his ears. GOOCHBERG fires and the gun goes flying out of her hands and falls to the floor, falling apart. LASSITER whimpers.
EXT. COLLEGE QUAD, DAY
A number of campus organizations have booths set up to promote awareness for various charities. The sorority is organizing makeovers. JULIET is there with BIANCA, BETTY and EDEN. A girl walks by the booth showing some curiosity.
JULIET:
Oh, trust me, you won't even recognize yourself.
BETTY:
Which is a really good thing.
JULIET:
It'll be fun, and you can help save the endangered Tamarind monkeys.
The girl takes a flyer and walks away. JULIET looks around and sees a young woman with long dark hair dressed in jeans and a casual top take the stairs to the quad. She leaves the booth.
BETTY:
Bianca, you have, like, twice as many flyers as me and Mary Lou. What's going on with you? Are you... are you, like, pregnant or something?
BIANCA:
Can you just shut up for, like, five seconds, Betty?
BETTY:
Oh, my God. You are being such a horrid little bitch right now.
BIANCA:
How can you just... aren't you scared? I haven't slept at all. I feel like I'm losing--
BETTY:
Suck it up. End of story. I will not go down with you, Bianca.
BIANCA shoves her flyers at BETTY and walks away. In another section of the quad, JULIET approaches the girl.
JULIET:
Alice Bundy? Hi! I'm Mary Lou Baumgartner. Beta Kappa Theta West Coast Alumni…
ALICE:
Yeah, save it. I already hate you.
JULIET:
…Vice Parliamentarian. Oh. Well. I know you were Doreen's best friend, and I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know that if there's anything that I or Beta Kappa Theta can do for you during this very difficult time, please, don't hesitate to ask. (hands ALICE a flyer)
ALICE:
How does it feel being Queen of the Damned?
JULIET:
Alice, I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
ALICE:
Well, just stay away from me. Fair warning.
ALICE walks away and into the Engineering building. BETTY walks up to JULIET, watching ALICE.
BETTY:
Ew, hair.
JULIET:
(scoffs) Yeah.
EXT. SBPD, PARKING LOT, DAY
LASSITER and GOOCHBERG are walking to his car. He opens the passenger door for GOOCHBERG but she opens the rear passenger door.
LASSITER:
What are you doing?
GOOCHBERG:
I'm riding in the back.
LASSITER:
No, you're not.
GOOCHBERG:
I'm not going to take a stray bullet for you, scarecrow. Look, even if I wanted to sit in the front, it's not going to happen. My eyes can't take that kind of direct sunlight. My rods and cones are all out of whack. I took a crowbar to an eye socket during a sangria party gone wrong. Long story short, I've got early onset retinitis pigmentosa. (chews on a toothpick and gets into the back seat)
Showing great restraint, LASSITER closes the passenger door.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
GUS is working at his desk when SHAWN walks over to him and sets motorcycle helmet on the corner of the desk.
SHAWN:
Hey, buddy, good news. I just got a fax confirming that the city of has unanimously voted you Santa Barbara Exorcist of the Year. (claps)
GUS:
Okay, make all your little jokes. But I know who was right on my ass all the way to the car.
SHAWN:
I had no choice. You were my ride home.
GUS:
Shawn, you were screaming, too.
SHAWN:
Yes, I was screaming, "Gus, stop! Let's be brave!”
GUS:
Look, both the parents and the best friend were adamant that Doreen had too much to live for to kill herself. Plus, she was pledging a sorority.
SHAWN:
(walks over to the board with information on it) Right.
GUS:
(shows SHAWN photos) Now, take another look at this.
SHAWN:
(studies photo) The latch is broken.
GUS:
And she fell backwards.
SHAWN:
Scary Sherry took a swan dive.
GUS:
Exactly.
SHAWN:
Gus, you're on fire.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN:
The copycat suicide angle literally goes out the window. What next?
GUS:
I couldn't find the word "ackenaib" anywhere. I checked alternate spellings, all possible roots. Nothing in Latin. So now I'm going through the dead languages by region. Sanskrit was a wash, as was Avestan. Up next is Old Church Slavonic, but to be honest, I think it's all just nonsensical gibberish.
SHAWN goes back to the board and writes “ACNAIB” in marker under other variations of the word.
GUS:
But it’s gotta mean something. The voice at the house kept repeating it.
SHAWN:
(imitates the voice as he writes) Acnaib. (mimics with his finger) Acnaib. Acnaib. I don't know. (sees reflection in helmet) What's Juliet's number? I have a theory. (reaches for phone)
GUS:
What's the theory?
SHAWN:
Gus, just feed me the digits.
GUS:
Why do I always have to ask what the damn theory is, Shawn?
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, NIGHT
JULIET, still dressed as Mary Lou, is working at her desk. She checks her watch and prepares to leave just as her cell phone rings. She gets the phone from her purse and answers as Mary Lou.
JULIET:
Hello?
SHAWN:
(over phone) Is Bianca with you?
JULIET:
Who wants to know?
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
SHAWN:
Jules! Where is she?
JULIET:
Okay, tone. (continues to collect her items) She's back at the house with Betty, running late for the mixer, just like me.
SHAWN:
All right, listen, I've had a vision. We need to meet at the sorority house on the fly.
JULIET:
Shawn, I can't! (checks gun) I have to make the spirit speech, and who's going to fuse the Planter's Punch? Oh, yeah, and by the way, met Alice Bundy today. Not a shiny happy person. I think maybe--
SHAWN:
Jules! Doreen didn't kill herself! She was not alone in that room, and we need to talk to Bianca right now! (tosses the keys to GUS) She's in danger!
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
A gloved hand attached to a plaid-covered arm plugs in an exterior extension cord to an outside plug.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, BATHROOM, NIGHT
BIANCA sits in an old tub, bubble bath up to her neck. She is on the verge of tears. There is a knock on the door.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY:
Bianca! What are you doing in there? We're going to be totally late for Mary Lou's speech, and we're supposed to lead the slow clap.
BIANCA:
Just go without me. You don't have to wait.
The transom window high on the wall above the bath opens.
BETTY:
Okay, this is ridiculous. Just open the door. I'm coming in there.
BIANCA:
I'm not going to the mixer, Betty. Even if I wanted to, (looks at hands) my fingers and toes are all pruney now.
A toaster is lowered through the window.
BETTY:
Ew.
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
JULIET pulls up to the house in her Volkswagon and heads inside.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY:
Bianca, open the door. This is completely ridiculous.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, BATHROOM, NIGHT
BIANCA sees the toaster and screams. The toaster drops into the water and the electricity crackles.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, ENTRANCE HALL, NIGHT
JULIET pauses as the lights flicker.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY is pulling on the knob of the bathroom door. JULIET calls up.
JULIET:
Hello?
BETTY:
(frantic) Mary Lou, it's Bianca! Help!
JULIET runs up the stairs, and, after trying the doorknob, bursts it open with her shoulder. Both she and BETTY rush in only to look in shock. SHAWN and GUS run into the house and up the stairs, stopping on the landing when they see JULIET. SHAWN looks at her.
SHAWN:
Jules?
JULIET just shakes her head.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, NIGHT
JULIET, as Mary Lou, is there with BETTY, trying to get her to talk as VICK looks on. SHAWN and GUS watch from the sidelines.
JULIET:
Betty, if you know something, you have to tell the Chief here. We are all in danger. Any one of us could be next.
VICK:
I can sit here all night, Betty. I've got a six-month-old who still has colic. I consider this a reprieve. Now, why is your friend Bianca dead?
SHAWN:
(puts a hand to his head) I can see it. I can see her running down the hallway of the asylum. Wait a second. Doreen wasn't supposed to die. This was an accident. (sits at table) The wood. The wood was rotten. The latch broke.
BETTY:
Yes, yes, it broke! That's it. Don't you see? We never meant for her to fall! It was a complete accident!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK to the night of DOREEN’S death. BIANCA was the one dressed up as Scary Sherry. BETTY comes up beside her.
BETTY:
Oh, my God, Bianca! What the hell did you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
VICK:
Okay, please, do continue.
BETTY:
Okay, like, it was, it was my job to get Doreen into the house. She knew that it was a haze. She thought that she was supposed to spend the whole night inside. Like that movie with the hedge maze and Vincent van Patten?
JULIET:
Hell Night.
BETTY:
Exactly. Bianca was inside, wearing this nightgown, you know, like. like Scary Sherry, the girl who jumped from--
GUS:
We know.
SHAWN:
Nightgown. Nightgown. I'm feeling the nightgown.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK-
EXT. TAR PIT, NIGHT
BETTY and BIANCA walk up to a pit. BIANCA is holding the white nightgown.
BETTY:
Put it in. (takes gown from BIANCA) God. (throws gown into the pit and pushes it down with a stick)
BETTY: (v.o.)
Bianca buried it in the tar pits three nights ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JULIET:
Tar pits?
BETTY:
I know, it was really gross and sticky, (voice breaks) but she was just scared. We both were. Look, it was an accident, I swear to God. Bianca tried to grab her arm, but it was too late. I mean, nobody was supposed to die! (takes tissue from JULIET) Now Bianca's gone, too.
VICK:
You withheld evidence, and by conspiring with Bianca, we can charge you with involuntary manslaughter. You understand that's a crime?
BETTY:
Oh, God, no! No!
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
Scary Sherry stands in the open window. Young SHAWN pulls GUS’ hand away from his eyes and looks up just as the woman leans forward.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN wakes with a gasp, his head on his laptop keyboard. He sits up slowly with a groan and rubs the back of his neck. GUS is standing beside his desk, a cup of coffee in his hand.
GUS:
You actually slept here last night?
SHAWN:
Yes, I did. It's called crunch time. Did you check the messages? Have we heard from Juliet?
GUS:
Yeah. Alice Bundy's alibi's air tight. She lives with Doreen's family. Says she went upstairs to bed early that night, and the parents confirmed it. They were still downstairs awake when the police called.
SHAWN gets up and walks to the fridge.
SHAWN:
Who the hell is doing this?
GUS:
Oh, and your dad called.
SHAWN:
What could he possibly want? (takes out small bottle of juice)
GUS:
Said he wanted to remind you about dinner tonight. You're supposed to bring dessert. He actually seemed sort of excited.
SHAWN:
Oh, God, that's tonight. Dude, you have to come.
GUS:
(picks up sample case) Ooh, I don't know about that, Shawn. Seems like a pretty big deal, him reaching out and all. I wouldn't want to intrude.
SHAWN:
(sips juice) Gus, he loves you. He always has. Plus, if you come, we can roll earlier. We'll say we're working on a case.
GUS:
We are working on a case. (goes through case)
SHAWN:
Sweet. So it's settled. What are you doing?
GUS:
I have to start and ultimately finish my route.
SHAWN:
Awesome. (caps juice and picks up keys) I am going to go find Alice "Best Friend" Bundy.
GUS:
Don't you think that girl has been through enough, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, there is no such thing as an airtight alibi, and if there is, we're going to pretend like there isn't. This girl is Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct, which makes me Michael Douglas, and you George Dzundza. Whose name is actually Gus in the film! Until we have another lead, we assume it's her. We've just got to figure out the "how." So far, no ice pick.
GUS:
(closes case and walks over to SHAWN) Okay, first of all, don't ever compare my black ass to George Dzundza again, okay?
SHAWN:
Fair.
GUS:
And what could you possibly ask that girl that the police already haven't?
EXT. COLLEGE QUAD, DAY
SHAWN finds ALICE in front of the engineering building.
SHAWN:
Want to split a pineapple? (holds up the fruit)
ALICE:
I'm sorry, do I know you?
SHAWN:
My name is Ichabod Fletchman. "Sticky Icky" to my boys, but that's neither here nor there. What's important is that this baby is 82% Hawaiian, and I've got all afternoon.
ALICE:
Are you a crazy person?
SHAWN:
(sees two friendship rings on her finger) It's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing, only I was going to add "who likes to make toast" to the end of mine.
ALICE:
Great. So you're another cop, then?
SHAWN:
Not a cop. Not even close.
ALICE:
Well, then who are you?
SHAWN looks around and sees a biker with spiked, tipped hair whose bike chain is off track.
SHAWN:
Hint. Green Day there is about to eat some stone.
The guy gets on his bike and pedals for a bit before the bike stops and he falls off.
ALICE:
How did you do that?
SHAWN:
I'm a psychic.
ALICE:
Pass. (walks away)
SHAWN runs around and cuts her off.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on. I was trying to be cool.
ALICE:
What do you want from me? You want to read my palm? Would you like a lock of my hair?
SHAWN:
Whoa, Alice. Now, I can. I can feel that you're hurting--
ALICE:
Really? Can you feel that I'm hurting? Come on, psychic, you can do better than that, can't you? Do you have a best friend?
SHAWN is a little taken aback. This encounter is not going as planned.
SHAWN:
Yeah. Uh, since birth, almost.
ALICE:
Great, so then maybe you could wrap your head around this. Doreen and I were closer than sisters. Her parents took me in when I was seven. Seven. They raised me. We did everything together, and the one time that I wasn't there, the one time I let her down, and now she's gone.
SHAWN:
I know if anything happened to Gus, I would, uh… I don't know, I've never… I mean, I was…
ALICE:
Look, do you really think I killed that girl? Do you? I mean, I understand your suspicion and everything, but I'm barely hanging on here, and I just don't think that. I'm not a murderer.
SHAWN:
Well, I certainly hope not for your sake.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE, DAY
LASSITER and GOOCHBERG are talking with the store CLERK.
CLERK:
Someone came in and emptied the cash register when I was in the back.
LASSITER:
(looks at GOOCHBERG) You're not writing this down?
GOOCHBERG:
Who's got the arthritic thumb here? I hitchhiked from Jersey to Havana when I was 19.
LASSITER:
For crying out loud. (takes pad and pen from jacket pocket)
CLERK:
They also got away with about $60 worth of rump roast.
GOOCHBERG:
Don't try to sell me on that nonsense, you punk! What, do you think this is my first square dance? (lunges and slides of the counter before gripping the clerk by her shirt) Give me your gun, Lassiter. I'll show you how to make this little pig squeal.
The CLERK breaks away and runs out the door.
GOOCHBERG:
You're just going to let him go?
LASSITER:
He's the victim, Goochberg!
GOOCHBERG:
Fine! Fine! I'll do it myself! (runs after the clerk)
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, DAY
JULIET is heading for her car when one of the girls, EDEN, comes out of the door.
EDEN:
Mary Lou, wait! I totally almost forgot to give this to you. (hands JULIET an oversized envelope)
JULIET:
Well, what is it, Eden?
EDEN:
I don't know. It was left on the stoop, like, like a little baby orphan.
JULIET opens the envelope and sees an invitation for a candlelight vigil.
JULIET:
(reads) "God's gift is forgiveness. Please join us in remembering our daughter. Your attendance would be greatly appreciated.”
EDEN:
Tonight? Hello! Plans. Bye! (heads back inside)
JULIET:
Bye! (gets in car)
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
There are a number of dirty plates on the table, a sign of a good dinner. The three are on dessert. HENRY sits at the head of the table drinking a bottle of beer. SHAWN and GUS are on either side. SHAWN is pushing food around on his plate.
SHAWN:
Boy, we really, we really should be going. (wipes his face with a napkin)
HENRY:
Oh, come on, guys. Shawn, stay. Your case will still be there.
SHAWN:
Uh, the sooner we can crack this case and move on, the better, believe me.
HENRY:
Well, this wouldn't have anything to do with the Wispy Sunny Pines suicide, now, would it?
SHAWN and GUS answer at the same time.
GUS:
Yes, sir.
SHAWN:
No.
HENRY:
(leans forward) Ooh, the plot thickens.
SHAWN:
Okay, it's true. Fine. And it hits a little close to home, seeing as how we were actually there the first time it happened.
HENRY:
The first time what happened? (points at SHAWN when he doesn’t answer) Did you open your eyes?
SHAWN:
Dad, you've known me my whole life. Of course I opened my eyes.
HENRY:
Shawn, that is exactly why I refused to let you ride around with me.
SHAWN:
Dad, let it go. I was nine.
HENRY:
That is a lack of respect. Of protocol.
SHAWN:
Of protocol? Again, can I plead nine years old?
HENRY:
(chuckles) And you guys, you've been freaked out about this your entire lives?
GUS:
I don't even drive by that place.
HENRY laughs.
SHAWN:
I really don't think it's funny. It was a very scary thing for two young boys. Certainly puts a new spin on the nanny in The Omen.
GUS:
You know that's right.
HENRY:
Shawn, how much did you see?
SHAWN:
You know, we didn't… we didn't actually see it.
GUS:
Luckily, he missed the bitter, grisly end.
HENRY:
Luckily?
GUS:
Yes, luckily. I covered his eyes, but we know what happened.
HENRY:
I beg to differ. I think that you two missed one very small but important detail. She never jumped. (laughs)
SHAWN:
What? No. No, no, no, no, that's… that's impossible. We saw the window. She was gone.
HENRY:
Because one off-duty police officer pulled her back inside. "Scary" Sherry Craddock was rehabilitated. I'm pretty sure that she's married and living in Fresno. Come on, guys, give me some more credit here. I have no idea how that ridiculous urban legend got started in the first place. (gets up and takes plates to the sink)
SHAWN and GUS lean over the table and whisper so HENRY doesn’t hear.
SHAWN:
Your big-ass mouth.
GUS:
I wanted to keep it a secret. You're the one who was broadcasting it at the lunch table.
SHAWN:
I can't believe this.
GUS:
We actually started an urban legend.
SHAWN:
That's dope!
They fist-bump right before HENRY comes over and sets a hand on SHAWN’S shoulder. He leans in and whispers.
HENRY:
Sometimes, Shawn, the answer is right in front of your eyes. You just need to choose to see it. (slaps SHAWN on the side of the face before leaving)
SHAWN:
That was creepy.
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS drive down a residential street.
SHAWN:
Whoa, this is it. Alice's house. I know there's something here. I've just got to find it.
GUS parks on the opposite side of the street from the house. They take off their seatbelts.
INT. ECHO, NIGHT
SHAWN:
Here's the plan. You ring the doorbell and distract who…whom. who? Whom?
GUS:
Whom...
SHAWN:
The person. The person that answers the door. I go around back, figure out a way in. (turns to open the door)
GUS:
Are you kidding? It took the whole ride to come up with that?
SHAWN:
Well, feel free to make revisions, Gus.
GUS:
How am I supposed to distract them?
SHAWN:
Oh, you'll think of something. Good luck. (puts a hand on GUS’ shoulder) We're all counting on you. (gets out of the car)
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, ENTRANCE, NIGHT
The doorbell rings and an older woman answers the door to find GUS on the step.
GUS:
Mrs.Harthan?
WOMAN:
(Scottish accent) No, the Harthans are down at the cemetery. I'm Poppy, the housekeeper. May I help you?
GUS:
Um, yes. Have you seen Mrs. Pickles?
POPPY:
Mrs. Pickles?
GUS:
Mrs. Pickles, my orange tabby? You must have seen her. She's pregnant with who knows how many unborn tabby kittens, and I've lost her!
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, BACKYARD, NIGHT
While GUS is talking, SHAWN sneaks in the backyard and into the house through a very large doggie door.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY is serving GUS tea as they sit on the couch.
POPPY:
You know… (hands GUS a cup)
GUS:
Thank you.
POPPY:
…growing up in Edinburgh, my sisters and I had a basset hound who used to hoot like a snowy owl.
GUS:
No kidding? What'd you name him?
POPPY:
Eh, we called him "Basset Hound." Although my… my sister, she always used to call him "Uncle Jimmy." I never knew why.
Behind POPPY, GUS sees SHAWN sneaking about.
GUS:
(wails) Mrs. Pickles!
POPPY:
(hands him a cupcake on a plate) Oh, dear, your Mrs. Pickles will come back to you, D'Andre.
SHAWN walks out from the kitchen so only GUS can see him, mouthful of cupcake. He gives a thumbs-up. GUS wails again and SHAWN walks into the study.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, STUDY, NIGHT
SHAWN finishes the cupcake and begins to look around. He thumbs through a photo album and sees a picture of ALICE and DOREEN, each wearing friendship rings, the same two that ALICE now wears. His phone begins to ring.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY looks around at the phone ringing.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, STUDY, NIGHT
SHAWN panics when he realizes the ringing is his phone. He runs back to the kitchen.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY continues to look around.
POPPY:
What in the heaven's that?
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, BACKYARD, NIGHT
SHAWN stops and stares at the phone.
SHAWN:
I have got to set this thing on vibrate. (answers) I'm sorry, who is this?
EDEN:
(over phone) Shawn, it's Eden.
SHAWN:
Who?
EDEN:
(over phone) From Beta Kappa Theta. Are you coming to our party, or, like, what the heck? There are cops here and everything.
SHAWN leaves the yard and closes the gate behind him.
SHAWN:
Let me talk to Mary Lou.
EDEN:
(over phone) Mary Lou had to go to some candlelight vigil thingy for Doreen.
SHAWN:
Vigil? What vigil? There was--
EDEN:
(over phone) Yeah, at that creepy Wispy Sunny Pines place.
SHAWN sees tar on a drainpipe running down the side of the house and flashes back to what BETTY said about burying the gown at the tar pits. He surmises that ALICE followed them and removed the gown after they left.
EDEN:
(over phone) What about Bud? Can he come?
SHAWN ends the call and tracks the tar marks to an upstairs window. His mind then tells him how ALICE set everything up after sneaking out of her room.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
GUS is sipping his tea.
POPPY:
Has anyone ever told you you look like little Bud from the old Cosby Show?
GUS:
Yes, ma'am, but I was not Bud. (cell phone rings and he sets down cup, pulls phone from pocket and answers) Hello? You bet. (ends call) It's her.
POPPY:
Who?
GUS:
Mrs. Pickles. She's home. (gets up and leaves)
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, FRONT, NIGHT
GUS meets up with SHAWN.
GUS:
I believe it was -
SHAWN:
It was her. And I've got the "how." We've got to go to Wispy Sunny Pines.
They walk to the car.
GUS:
What? No, no, no. You said go to the sorority house.
SHAWN:
No, the girls are fine. Cops are there. Meanwhile, Juliet's at some candlelight vigil with Doreen's family at the asylum.
GUS:
Wait a minute, no, no, no. The housekeeper just said Doreen's parents were at the cemetery.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
(sees concern on SHAWN’S face) What?
SHAWN:
Oh, God. Of course. Why mess around with the worker bees when you can kill the queen?
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, Alice! She wanted us all at that party, including us, so that she could get Mary Lou by herself! This is Silence of the Lambs! Which means we're both Scott Glenn!
They each go to their own doors but GUS refuses to unlock it, talking to SHAWN over the roof.
GUS:
Okay, Shawn, if I'm going to go back to that creepy-ass institution I've been afraid to drive by since I was nine, there's going to be some rules and regulations.
SHAWN:
Gus, this is no time for fun-
GUS:
Listen, Shawn! I will not enter a room first. I will not enter a room last. I will not investigate any suspicious noises, or go looking for a fuse box, and you will not, under any circumstance, leave me by myself without a weapon of some sort. Do you understand and agree to my terms?
SHAWN:
I'm not prepared to negotiate--
GUS:
Do you understand, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Yes! I do, yes!
GUS:
All right. Let's go help Juliet.
They get in the car and drive off.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM, NIGHT
GOOCHBERG is lying unconscious on the bed, machines softly beeping. LASSITER stands beside the bed, not believing that he is there. Suddenly, GOOCHBERG’S hand reaches out and grabs LASSITER’S arm.
GOOCHBERG:
Scarecrow, did we get him?
LASSITER:
No. No, of course we didn't get him. Your little pursuit sort of ended when you had a mild cardiac arrest. When were you going to tell me about the pacemaker? And how dare you try and scale a fence in high heels? He was the victim, Goochberg.
GOOCHBERG:
But did we get him?
LASSITER:
(moves to the other side of the bed) Yeah. Yeah, we got him, Goochberg.
LASSITER’S cell phone rings and he walks away from the bed to answer it.
LASSITER:
Lassiter. Spencer? Do you realize you are the second-to-last human person on this planet I want to be speaking to right now?
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
JULIET pulls up in front of the abandoned building. There are no other cars there, and no lights inside. JULIET gets out of the car and stairs up at the building.
JULIET:
(sighs) Call for backup, O'Hara. Just make the call. Better safe than sorry.
She reaches into her purse and gets her phone just as it rings. The screen shows it’s SHAWN. Just as she’s about to answer, ALICE appears on the stairs.
ALICE:
Mary Lou! We're…we're over here.
JULIET puts away her phone, dons her Mary Lou persona and joins ALICE.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
The hallway is lit with white candles of varying sizes.
ALICE:
I have to say, I'm a little shocked to see you here.
JULIET:
Where's everyone else?
ALICE:
Oh, upstairs. They're waiting for you. I told them you probably wouldn't show.
JULIET:
Well, maybe you misjudged me.
ALICE:
Maybe I did. Follow me?
ALICE heads up the stairs, also lined with candles. JULIET starts after ALICE but pauses and looks around.
JULIET:
Wow! This must have taken hours.
They continue upstairs to the next floor, also lined with candles.
JULIET:
I mean, this is really extensive. Candle-wise.
They continue upstairs to the fourth floor, also lined with candles.
ALICE:
The whole family's waiting in room 413.
JULIET:
Okay.
They arrive at room 413 and ALICE motions for JULIET to enter first.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
In the center of the room, candles are set in a circle. Within the circle is the nightgown covered in tar, spread out like it is waiting to be worn. Hanging above the circle are upside-down naked dolls. There are no people.
JULIET:
Alice, what the hell is this?
ALICE walks in behind her wearing a headset microphone and brandishing an axe.
ALICE:
(voice echoes) Welcome to the party, Mary Lou. It's a banquet fit for a queen!
ALICE swings the axe at JULIET who uses her purse to hit ALICE as she ducks out of the way. The purse falls to the floor.
JULIET:
(holds hands out placating) Alice, you do not want to do this. Give me the ax. I'm not who you think I am.
ALICE:
(voice echoes) No, you are exactly who I think you are. You're the reason girls vomit and starve themselves to death. And you're the reason that they fill themselves with plastic, and you are the reason that Doreen is dead. And so now, on behalf of the entire suit of the broken hearts, Alice will now lop off the queen's head. (laughs) That just sounded so much better out loud than it did in my head.
She lunges at JULIET, swinging the axe. She buries it in the wall next to JULIET’S head.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS pull up in the Echo just as LASSITER arrives in his car. All three get out and SHAWN rushes for the door, only to stop and look at LASSITER.
SHAWN:
Lassie! Our timing is really starting to crackle.
They hear glass shatter and screams from inside and they run into the building.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
LASSITER enters, gun drawn. He pauses at the base of the stairs before running up them. SHAWN and GUS run in and SHAWN starts up the stairs before GUS grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him back.
GUS:
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We made a deal, Shawn!
SHAWN rolls his eyes and motions with his arms for GUS to go first upstairs.
GUS:
Thank you.
They run upstairs.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
ALICE keeps attacking JULIET with the axe, but the detective keeps dodging out of the way.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN follow LASSITER. The detective steps over a fallen piece of furniture but GUS steps on a weak spot, his foot falling through and getting stuck. SHAWN runs past and GUS grabs at him.
GUS:
Get it out! Get it out!
SHAWN:
(weakly pulls on GUS’ leg) Pull your foot out of the shoe!
GUS:
I can't! It's too tight! Shawn, Shawn, don't leave me, Shawn. That was rule number five.
SHAWN is torn between helping JULIET and not leaving GUS.
SHAWN:
Wiggle your big toe!
GUS:
I can't wiggle my big toe!
SHAWN:
Dude!
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Work the laces. (runs after LASSITER)
GUS:
Shawn? Shawn!
SHAWN catches up to LASSITER who is checking every open room, gun drawn. They hear a groaning coming from down the hall.
SHAWN:
Juliet!
LASSITER:
O’Hara!
They hear a woman scream and even GUS stops his panicking. SHAWN and LASSITER look at each other before SHAWN pushes the detective forward, taking cover behind the armed man.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
ALICE keeps attacking JULIET with the axe.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS undoes his belt and begins to wield it as a weapon.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
JULIET now has her hands on the axe and both women fight for possession of the weapon. JULIET literally gets the upper hand and pushes ALICE away with a hand to her face.
ALICE:
That is it! Now you die for sure! (rushes JULIET)
JULIET:
I don't think so. (punches ALICE who falls to the floor) You are under arrest, you crazy, crazy, crazy bitch! (holds axe menacingly)
LASSITER and SHAWN rush into the room.
LASSITER:
Detective!
SHAWN:
Juliet!
JULIET looks at them, panting, still gripping the axe. SHAWN approaches cautiously, not wanting to set her off.
SHAWN:
Hey. (puts his hands on the axe handle and tries to take it away) I got it. (JULIET lets go) I got it.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
LASSITER escorts a handcuffed ALICE out by the arm, followed by JULIET and SHAWN. VICK runs up with another detective and some officers.
VICK:
What the hell happened in there?
ALICE:
She's crazy. Look, she's possessed. You have to believe me.
VICK:
O'Hara?
JULIET:
You're asking me? I thought I was coming to a candlelight vigil. I thought I was coming to pay my condolences. Apparently, that wasn't the case.
SHAWN is tracing his fingers along the edge of the axe in front of ALICE, who seems mesmerized. Until he cuts his finger.
SHAWN:
Ow! (sucks on his finger)
LASSITER:
Give me that. (takes axe)
ALICE:
What would you have done, Shawn, if it was your best friend? What would you have done?
SHAWN:
Oh, no. Gus. (runs inside)
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS is on his knees, sobbing and weakly flailing his belt. A strange deep voice echoes through the building.
VOICE:
Bud! Work the laces.
GUS realizes it’s SHAWN using the same microphone ALICE used.
GUS:
Shawn! Come get me out of here! That's not funny, Shawn!
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
VICK is working at her desk as LASSITER walks in.
LASSITER:
Did I upset you?
VICK:
(looks up) Upset me?
LASSITER:
Insult you? Demean you in some way that I do not comprehend?
VICK:
Detective, I'm pretty sure I have no idea what you're talking about.
LASSITER:
The woman. The crazy woman? The half-deaf litigating nightmare express of a detective. Why would you put me, of all people, with her? I'm head detective.
VICK:
Honestly, detective, I thought you two might hit it off.
LASSITER:
Why would you possibly think that?
VICK:
Well, she kind of reminded me a little of you. You know, a few years down the road. Similar interests, outlooks. Everyone thought it was a pretty good idea.
LASSITER:
That's how people perceive me?
VICK:
We're all a little surprised that it didn't work out, Carlton.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
LASSITER walks out of the office and stops in the hall, waving and smiling at a couple of officers passing by. His smile falters when they ignore him. He then looks up and sees SHAWN sitting on JULIET’S desk, his partner in her chair and GUS in one pulled up to the desk. They were all laughing and eating Chinese food. He walks over, wanting to join in their conversation.
GUS:
(laughing) You sick mother…
SHAWN:
Dude, we could hear you from the fourth floor.
GUS:
Don't lie! Don't lie!
LASSITER walks away, ignored once again.
SHAWN:
Hey, Lassie!
LASSITER turns around in time to catch the fortune cookie SHAWN tosses at him. The three stop laughing and smile at him. LASSITER turns away and walks down the hall. A smile quirks his lips as he breaks open the fortune cookie and puts half of it in his mouth before reading the fortune.
HALLOWEEN NIGHT, 1987
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
SHAWN is dressed as a policeman and is none too happy about it. He leaves the house and stops, looking up.
SHAWN:
This is torture.
HENRY, in uniform, is leaning against his squad car.
HENRY:
It's not torture, Shawn. It's a 10-minute ride to the police station.
SHAWN:
(whines) But I want to eat my candy! (holds up plastic bag)
HENRY:
Not until I have it X-rayed.
GUS joins them dressed as Lando Calrissian.
GUS:
Well, can I eat my candy?
HENRY:
Knock yourself out, Lando. As long as your old man doesn't mind his nine-year-old son passing razor blades.
INT. SQUAD CAR, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS sit in the front seat as HENRY drives them to the station. Out of nowhere, a MAN throws himself at the car, forcing HENRY to step on the brakes. The MAN peers in the open window.
MAN:
Help! Officer, please! We've got a jumper!
HENRY:
(points) Hey, hey, back off. I got kids in here.
MAN:
Phone lines are down. We've tried the police already. There's no time, she's really going to jump.
HENRY:
Okay, okay, look, look, I'll radio for backup, but I'm not going to subject these boys to--
SHAWN and GUS look at the building and see the woman.
SHAWN:
Dad, you have to help.
HENRY looks and sees the woman standing in the open window.
HENRY:
Son of a--
HENRY puts on the lights and siren and drives onto the premises past a sign reading “Wispy Sunny Pines Mental Health Facility”. He pulls up in front of the building.
HENRY:
All right, now, listen to me, boys. I do not want you to leave this vehicle. Do you understand? I want you to stay put until I get back. Don't look. Don't listen. Just shut your eyes. (gets out of the car) And keep them shut. I'll be right back.
SHAWN and GUS close their eyes.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
HENRY rushes up the stairs followed by the MAN.
MAN:
She's straight up the stairs. Room 413!
INT. SQUAD CAR, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS are sitting with their eyes shut tight.
SHAWN:
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
GUS:
Not even sort of.
SHAWN opens his eyes and looks up at the building where he sees the woman framed in the window. GUS peeks and sees SHAWN looking. The woman leans forward and starts to fall. GUS puts his hand over SHAWN’S eyes while closing his own. SHAWN reaches up with his hand to pulls GUS’ away.
SHAWN:
Gus...
GUS:
You'll thank me later.
SHAWN finally gets GUS’ hand away and looks up at the window. It’s empty. The boys look at each other as more police arrive on site.
EXACTLY TWENTY YEARS LATER…give or take ten minutes
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
The facility is long-abandoned; overgrown and dilapidated.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
A scared young woman is walking down the hall as a scary voice calls out her name. She looks around and sees a figure in white coming at her. She runs up the stairs as the voice keeps calling.
VOICE:
Doreen!
DOREEN runs down the hall, scrambling under a fallen door. She presses back against a wall and whimpers.
VOICE:
Doreen!
DOREEN runs into the closest room: 413. She looks out the window and sees the reflection of the figure chasing her. She turns and screams as she backs away. She falls backwards out the window. A figure dressed in white with black hair looks out the window.
PSYCH
“Scary Sherry: Bianca’s Toast”
By
Steve Franks & James Roday
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
John Landis
**********************************************************************
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the office, still dressed from playing racquetball.
GUS:
You cheated.
SHAWN:
I did not cheat. You're not using the side walls at all.
GUS:
I don't need your tips, Shawn. I've beaten you before.
SHAWN:
Yeah, when we were 12, and I had pink eye.
GUS:
Immaterial. The low game was crackling. The worm burner was in full effect.
SHAWN:
You cannot have a shot called the worm burner.
GUS:
Why not?
SHAWN:
Because it's my strikeout pitch in wiffle ball. Pick a different name.
They turn around and see a woman dressed in a pink shirt and a denim mini-skirt facing away from them.
SHAWN:
Excuse us. May we help you?
The woman turns around and it’s JULIET.
JULIET:
(turns around) Hey, guys.
GUS:
Damn, girl.
JULIET:
Yeah, I know. Get it all out now. I barely recognize myself.(takes two cards from her purse) But isn't it kind of amazing?
JULIET walks over and hands SHAWN and GUS a card each.
SHAWN:
(reads) Mary Lou Baumgartner, National Alumni Vice-Parliamentarian, Beta Kappa Theta sorority. (looks at GUS)
JULIET:
Guys, I'm undercover. Deep.
SHAWN:
Oh...we should totally celebrate!
JULIET:
It's crazy. I have spent the entire morning planning a mixer! And yesterday, I went and I had a Himalayan mani-pedi. Yeah, at first, it was just to get the other girls to talk, but then I realized my cuticles have been completely taken for granted.
SHAWN:
Jules?
JULIET:
Hmm?
SHAWN:
You realize that we're the only ones that can see or hear you?
JULIET:
Yeah, okay, I admit, I've been undercover a week now, and it's really hard to get out of this mindset. These girls, they are demons. They are vicious little prairie dogs with trust funds and collagen parties. It's a lot to juggle, and I need a favor.
SHAWN:
Okay.
JULIET:
I've been at the university investigating the death of a co-ed, Doreen Harthan.
GUS:
The girl they found at Wispy Sunny Pines? Isn't that a suicide?
JULIET:
Allegedly. A copycat job. I guess Santa Barbara has some sort of urban legend about a mental patient who jumped from room 413.
GUS:
Scary Sherry.
SHAWN:
We know that one.
JULIET:
Yeah, well, I'm not so sure about the suicide angle, and Interim Chief Vick is putting a tremendous amount of faith in me to crack this thing, and I need to build a case. (unzips a pink folder and pulls out a file) So I'm here, but I'm not. Get it?
SHAWN:
(takes file) Gus, what's the word?
GUS:
Uh, that would be "mum”.
JULIET:
Doreen was pledging the sorority, and I, or Mary Lou, am helping my sisters through this very difficult time. I'm convinced they know more than they're letting on. I need a psychic to read the sorority house. Can you come by tonight?
SHAWN:
Can we wear pajamas?
JULIET:
No.
SHAWN:
Even better.
JULIET:
Guys, this is serious. There's some really weird stuff that's been going on. These girls are petrified. They think they're being haunted.
GUS:
By what?
JULIET hesitates and looks down.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on, Jules. You know we're going to come man up. Just tell us.
JULIET:
Doreen Harthan's lumbering ghost.
GUS:
Lumbering?
SHAWN:
Seems completely logical to me.
JULIET:
(picks up purse) Meet me at the house at 7:00. And remember, I was never here.
SHAWN:
Oh, quick question. Where's Lassiter for all of this?
JULIET:
Temporary reassignment. Bye! (waves and leaves)
INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
LASSITER stops short when he sees an older woman sitting at the table in the room.
LASSITER:
Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to vacate this room.
The WOMAN is eating a muffin with a cup of coffee.
WOMAN:
Excuse me. I'm going to have to ask you to go screw yourself.
LASSITER:
I beg your pardon?
WOMAN:
Oh, don't beg.
LASSITER:
(walks over) Look, there's going to be a private meeting in this room between myself and a new detective from a new department.
WOMAN:
Well, then I must be in the right place.
LASSITER:
Uh, no, ma'am, I'm looking for a rookie.
WOMAN:
What the hell does that mean?
LASSITER:
You know, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed, roots matching the rest of the hair.
WOMAN:
I'm a detective. Goochberg. "Gooch" to people I respect, and those few lucky enough to have seen me naked. Guess which one you should use?
LASSITER:
Oh, God, the first one? How could you possibly be a rookie detective at your... you know, advanced age?
GOOCHBERG:
I passed the test Friday. I had to sue the department to let me take it again.
LASSITER:
Again?
GOOCHBERG:
I might have failed it...a few times. 13, to be exact. But that's the first thing you're going to learn about me, scarecrow. The word "quit" is not in my vocabulary. Where do you go to shoot guns around here?
GOOCHBERG stands and heads for the door leaving a stunned LASSITER standing in the empty room.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS are sitting on couches across from each other surrounded by the residents drinking tea. SHAWN takes a deep breath and looks covertly into the purse of the girl next to him. He sees a valet parking ticket for the mall and has a “vision”.
SHAWN:
I see a man. He's driving your car. You don't know him. He's a valet. And a mall. Wait, I see a shoe store. Your father's gold card. A Jamba Juice may have been involved.
GIRL:
Oh, my God, I totally went shopping today. And I passed a Jamba on State Street. You are amazing.
All the girls gasp in amazement.
JULIET:
See, Bianca? (whispers) Now, tell Shawn what happened to you last night.
BIANCA:
Okay, here goes. This is so scary. I was lying in bed watching One Tree Hill, my favorite show-- Chad Michael Murray is so hot. And I have this cute liquid kitty alarm clock, right? It meows, and it blinks its eyes every half-hour. So, all of a sudden, they just started blinking, over and over and over, and then it just stopped! And then... it let out this half-meow (meows) And then its tail fell off. Then it exploded.
SHAWN:
Wow. Uh, slow build. Uh, half-meow? Unexpected. Didn't see the end coming at all. How about you, Gus?
GUS:
Uh, what? No, I can't say I did.
SHAWN:
Anybody else?
The girls all start talking at once.
JULIET:
Okay, okay, so basically, it's a lot of really weird stuff that's creepy and happens at night. Mr... Spencer, is it?
SHAWN:
Yes, that's correct, Mrs... barn...door? Take...bill... mat... snatcher...bik... gert... sten...per plintken? Baumgartner. Now, what I'm going to need from you, is an article of clothing, preferably an undergarment.
JULIET:
Don't you usually get that from the victim?
SHAWN:
I've seen it both ways. I'm going to have to take a look around to see... what I feel. Starting with the bedrooms. (stands)
JULIET:
Of course. I'll show you upstairs.
The girls sitting next to GUS look at each other.
GIRL 1:
Ask him.
GIRL 2:
You ask him.
GUS:
What? What do you want to ask me, girls? Don't be nervous. I put on my pants one leg at time, just like you. (laughs)
SHAWN hears what’s going on and puts a hand up to stop JULIET as he waits to hear the outcome.
GIRL 1:
Okay. Did you really play Bud on The Cosby Show?
GUS:
(offended) Bud? Who told you that?
SHAWN smirks.
BIANCA:
I knew I recognized you!
GUS looks over as SHAWN moves JULIET across the room.
GUS:
Wait, wait, I'm not--
BIANCA:
Oh, come on, don't be modest, Gus. You were totally Bud!
GUS:
Shawn, you believe this?
SHAWN:
Uh, no, no, no, I-I didn't...I didn't catch any of that... Bud.
GUS:
Stop telling people that my name is Bud! (stands)
The room goes dark and the girls gasp. A voice echoes through the room.
VOICE:
Get out!
The lights come back on for a moment before going out again.
VOICE:
Ackenaib! Ackenaib! Ackenaib!
A vase falls from the mantelpiece and shatters on the floor. The girls gasp as a floor lamp falls over. The lights come back on again and GUS looks at SHAWN and points to the right. The lights go off again and they all look at each other. BIANCA screams and everyone looks in the same direction and we see a figure in white, face distorted by the window. The girls scream and run to huddle in the center of the room. The lights come back on and, sitting on the cushion where GUS had been seated in is teacup resting on its saucer. JULIET sees that SHAWN is no longer standing next to her.
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN down the stairs to the car screaming girlishly.
GUS:
Get in the car! We're going to die!
GUS runs to the driver’s side and hits the alarm button on his keys. On the passenger side, SHAWN jumps up and down.
SHAWN:
Make it open! Make the door open!
GUS:
I'm trying!
SHAWN:
Make the door open!
JULIET:
(on the stairs) Shawn! Where are you going?
SHAWN stops jumping and composes himself before walking over to JULIET. GUS finally gets the alarm to stop. He also realizes his window was down.
SHAWN:
My partner and I just need to confer in private. Compare notes and whatnot.
The car engine starts and SHAWN turns around to see GUS peel out of the driveway. He looks at JULIET as if to say “Let’s pretend this never happened”.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
SHAWN is checking out the empty room as JULIET enters.
JULIET:
Okay... the girls are sleeping over at the Omega Mus'.
SHAWN sits on the couch and JULIET sits next to him. He holds up a piece of electronics.
SHAWN:
Well, they can come home tomorrow. I found the evil spirit. It's Radio Shack. The face at the window? The old "floodlight on the roof" trick. That's how they do it at Haunted Mansion. Don't ask me how I know that.
JULIET:
These girls are awful. The suspect list is essentially the entire student registry. Although...
SHAWN:
Although what?
JULIET:
Alice Bundy. Doreen's best friend, her roommate.
SHAWN:
I thought you said she lived at home.
JULIET:
The Harthans took Alice in. She's the only one that I haven't talked to, but conventional wisdom would say she has a score to settle. Holy Shitzu! (looks at her hand)
SHAWN:
Excuse me?
JULIET:
(whines) This nail polish is already starting to chip.
SHAWN just shakes his head.
INT. SBPD, FIRING RANGE, DAY
LASSITER has on his protective gear while GOOCHBERG, in the area next to him, is not using any. She blinks every time she fires while LASSITER shows complete control. When they are done, LASSITER enters her area.
LASSITER:
You know, you might actually hit the target more if you bothered to blink in between rounds, and of course your concentration level might get a little boost if you bothered to wear protective ear and eyewear.
GOOCHBERG:
Nah. That wouldn't do any good. I'm totally deaf in this ear. (points to left) I was in a barroom fight with a teamster. She had a waffle iron. But see, that's not the problem. The problem is this pea-shooter, this pea-shooter they issued me (puts down gun) I need a real gun. I need something like this. (picks up LASSITER’S)
LASSITER:
No!
GOOCHBERG:
Let me see this. Ah, see, now, this is a gun. (cocks and aims the gun at the target)
LASSITER:
No, you see, that's an enormously powerful handgun. You're not bracing yourself for the kickback.
GOOCHBERG:
(looks at LASSITER) Don't tell me my business, kid.
GOOCHBERG uses both hands to aim and LASSITER covers his ears. GOOCHBERG fires and the gun goes flying out of her hands and falls to the floor, falling apart. LASSITER whimpers.
EXT. COLLEGE QUAD, DAY
A number of campus organizations have booths set up to promote awareness for various charities. The sorority is organizing makeovers. JULIET is there with BIANCA, BETTY and EDEN. A girl walks by the booth showing some curiosity.
JULIET:
Oh, trust me, you won't even recognize yourself.
BETTY:
Which is a really good thing.
JULIET:
It'll be fun, and you can help save the endangered Tamarind monkeys.
The girl takes a flyer and walks away. JULIET looks around and sees a young woman with long dark hair dressed in jeans and a casual top take the stairs to the quad. She leaves the booth.
BETTY:
Bianca, you have, like, twice as many flyers as me and Mary Lou. What's going on with you? Are you... are you, like, pregnant or something?
BIANCA:
Can you just shut up for, like, five seconds, Betty?
BETTY:
Oh, my God. You are being such a horrid little bitch right now.
BIANCA:
How can you just... aren't you scared? I haven't slept at all. I feel like I'm losing--
BETTY:
Suck it up. End of story. I will not go down with you, Bianca.
BIANCA shoves her flyers at BETTY and walks away. In another section of the quad, JULIET approaches the girl.
JULIET:
Alice Bundy? Hi! I'm Mary Lou Baumgartner. Beta Kappa Theta West Coast Alumni…
ALICE:
Yeah, save it. I already hate you.
JULIET:
…Vice Parliamentarian. Oh. Well. I know you were Doreen's best friend, and I just wanted to introduce myself and let you know that if there's anything that I or Beta Kappa Theta can do for you during this very difficult time, please, don't hesitate to ask. (hands ALICE a flyer)
ALICE:
How does it feel being Queen of the Damned?
JULIET:
Alice, I'm sure I don't know what you mean.
ALICE:
Well, just stay away from me. Fair warning.
ALICE walks away and into the Engineering building. BETTY walks up to JULIET, watching ALICE.
BETTY:
Ew, hair.
JULIET:
(scoffs) Yeah.
EXT. SBPD, PARKING LOT, DAY
LASSITER and GOOCHBERG are walking to his car. He opens the passenger door for GOOCHBERG but she opens the rear passenger door.
LASSITER:
What are you doing?
GOOCHBERG:
I'm riding in the back.
LASSITER:
No, you're not.
GOOCHBERG:
I'm not going to take a stray bullet for you, scarecrow. Look, even if I wanted to sit in the front, it's not going to happen. My eyes can't take that kind of direct sunlight. My rods and cones are all out of whack. I took a crowbar to an eye socket during a sangria party gone wrong. Long story short, I've got early onset retinitis pigmentosa. (chews on a toothpick and gets into the back seat)
Showing great restraint, LASSITER closes the passenger door.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
GUS is working at his desk when SHAWN walks over to him and sets motorcycle helmet on the corner of the desk.
SHAWN:
Hey, buddy, good news. I just got a fax confirming that the city of has unanimously voted you Santa Barbara Exorcist of the Year. (claps)
GUS:
Okay, make all your little jokes. But I know who was right on my ass all the way to the car.
SHAWN:
I had no choice. You were my ride home.
GUS:
Shawn, you were screaming, too.
SHAWN:
Yes, I was screaming, "Gus, stop! Let's be brave!”
GUS:
Look, both the parents and the best friend were adamant that Doreen had too much to live for to kill herself. Plus, she was pledging a sorority.
SHAWN:
(walks over to the board with information on it) Right.
GUS:
(shows SHAWN photos) Now, take another look at this.
SHAWN:
(studies photo) The latch is broken.
GUS:
And she fell backwards.
SHAWN:
Scary Sherry took a swan dive.
GUS:
Exactly.
SHAWN:
Gus, you're on fire.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN:
The copycat suicide angle literally goes out the window. What next?
GUS:
I couldn't find the word "ackenaib" anywhere. I checked alternate spellings, all possible roots. Nothing in Latin. So now I'm going through the dead languages by region. Sanskrit was a wash, as was Avestan. Up next is Old Church Slavonic, but to be honest, I think it's all just nonsensical gibberish.
SHAWN goes back to the board and writes “ACNAIB” in marker under other variations of the word.
GUS:
But it’s gotta mean something. The voice at the house kept repeating it.
SHAWN:
(imitates the voice as he writes) Acnaib. (mimics with his finger) Acnaib. Acnaib. I don't know. (sees reflection in helmet) What's Juliet's number? I have a theory. (reaches for phone)
GUS:
What's the theory?
SHAWN:
Gus, just feed me the digits.
GUS:
Why do I always have to ask what the damn theory is, Shawn?
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, NIGHT
JULIET, still dressed as Mary Lou, is working at her desk. She checks her watch and prepares to leave just as her cell phone rings. She gets the phone from her purse and answers as Mary Lou.
JULIET:
Hello?
SHAWN:
(over phone) Is Bianca with you?
JULIET:
Who wants to know?
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
SHAWN:
Jules! Where is she?
JULIET:
Okay, tone. (continues to collect her items) She's back at the house with Betty, running late for the mixer, just like me.
SHAWN:
All right, listen, I've had a vision. We need to meet at the sorority house on the fly.
JULIET:
Shawn, I can't! (checks gun) I have to make the spirit speech, and who's going to fuse the Planter's Punch? Oh, yeah, and by the way, met Alice Bundy today. Not a shiny happy person. I think maybe--
SHAWN:
Jules! Doreen didn't kill herself! She was not alone in that room, and we need to talk to Bianca right now! (tosses the keys to GUS) She's in danger!
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
A gloved hand attached to a plaid-covered arm plugs in an exterior extension cord to an outside plug.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, BATHROOM, NIGHT
BIANCA sits in an old tub, bubble bath up to her neck. She is on the verge of tears. There is a knock on the door.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY:
Bianca! What are you doing in there? We're going to be totally late for Mary Lou's speech, and we're supposed to lead the slow clap.
BIANCA:
Just go without me. You don't have to wait.
The transom window high on the wall above the bath opens.
BETTY:
Okay, this is ridiculous. Just open the door. I'm coming in there.
BIANCA:
I'm not going to the mixer, Betty. Even if I wanted to, (looks at hands) my fingers and toes are all pruney now.
A toaster is lowered through the window.
BETTY:
Ew.
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, NIGHT
JULIET pulls up to the house in her Volkswagon and heads inside.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY:
Bianca, open the door. This is completely ridiculous.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, BATHROOM, NIGHT
BIANCA sees the toaster and screams. The toaster drops into the water and the electricity crackles.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, ENTRANCE HALL, NIGHT
JULIET pauses as the lights flicker.
INT. SORORITY HOUSE, HALL, NIGHT
BETTY is pulling on the knob of the bathroom door. JULIET calls up.
JULIET:
Hello?
BETTY:
(frantic) Mary Lou, it's Bianca! Help!
JULIET runs up the stairs, and, after trying the doorknob, bursts it open with her shoulder. Both she and BETTY rush in only to look in shock. SHAWN and GUS run into the house and up the stairs, stopping on the landing when they see JULIET. SHAWN looks at her.
SHAWN:
Jules?
JULIET just shakes her head.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, NIGHT
JULIET, as Mary Lou, is there with BETTY, trying to get her to talk as VICK looks on. SHAWN and GUS watch from the sidelines.
JULIET:
Betty, if you know something, you have to tell the Chief here. We are all in danger. Any one of us could be next.
VICK:
I can sit here all night, Betty. I've got a six-month-old who still has colic. I consider this a reprieve. Now, why is your friend Bianca dead?
SHAWN:
(puts a hand to his head) I can see it. I can see her running down the hallway of the asylum. Wait a second. Doreen wasn't supposed to die. This was an accident. (sits at table) The wood. The wood was rotten. The latch broke.
BETTY:
Yes, yes, it broke! That's it. Don't you see? We never meant for her to fall! It was a complete accident!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK to the night of DOREEN’S death. BIANCA was the one dressed up as Scary Sherry. BETTY comes up beside her.
BETTY:
Oh, my God, Bianca! What the hell did you do?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
VICK:
Okay, please, do continue.
BETTY:
Okay, like, it was, it was my job to get Doreen into the house. She knew that it was a haze. She thought that she was supposed to spend the whole night inside. Like that movie with the hedge maze and Vincent van Patten?
JULIET:
Hell Night.
BETTY:
Exactly. Bianca was inside, wearing this nightgown, you know, like. like Scary Sherry, the girl who jumped from--
GUS:
We know.
SHAWN:
Nightgown. Nightgown. I'm feeling the nightgown.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK-
EXT. TAR PIT, NIGHT
BETTY and BIANCA walk up to a pit. BIANCA is holding the white nightgown.
BETTY:
Put it in. (takes gown from BIANCA) God. (throws gown into the pit and pushes it down with a stick)
BETTY: (v.o.)
Bianca buried it in the tar pits three nights ago.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
JULIET:
Tar pits?
BETTY:
I know, it was really gross and sticky, (voice breaks) but she was just scared. We both were. Look, it was an accident, I swear to God. Bianca tried to grab her arm, but it was too late. I mean, nobody was supposed to die! (takes tissue from JULIET) Now Bianca's gone, too.
VICK:
You withheld evidence, and by conspiring with Bianca, we can charge you with involuntary manslaughter. You understand that's a crime?
BETTY:
Oh, God, no! No!
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
Scary Sherry stands in the open window. Young SHAWN pulls GUS’ hand away from his eyes and looks up just as the woman leans forward.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN wakes with a gasp, his head on his laptop keyboard. He sits up slowly with a groan and rubs the back of his neck. GUS is standing beside his desk, a cup of coffee in his hand.
GUS:
You actually slept here last night?
SHAWN:
Yes, I did. It's called crunch time. Did you check the messages? Have we heard from Juliet?
GUS:
Yeah. Alice Bundy's alibi's air tight. She lives with Doreen's family. Says she went upstairs to bed early that night, and the parents confirmed it. They were still downstairs awake when the police called.
SHAWN gets up and walks to the fridge.
SHAWN:
Who the hell is doing this?
GUS:
Oh, and your dad called.
SHAWN:
What could he possibly want? (takes out small bottle of juice)
GUS:
Said he wanted to remind you about dinner tonight. You're supposed to bring dessert. He actually seemed sort of excited.
SHAWN:
Oh, God, that's tonight. Dude, you have to come.
GUS:
(picks up sample case) Ooh, I don't know about that, Shawn. Seems like a pretty big deal, him reaching out and all. I wouldn't want to intrude.
SHAWN:
(sips juice) Gus, he loves you. He always has. Plus, if you come, we can roll earlier. We'll say we're working on a case.
GUS:
We are working on a case. (goes through case)
SHAWN:
Sweet. So it's settled. What are you doing?
GUS:
I have to start and ultimately finish my route.
SHAWN:
Awesome. (caps juice and picks up keys) I am going to go find Alice "Best Friend" Bundy.
GUS:
Don't you think that girl has been through enough, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, there is no such thing as an airtight alibi, and if there is, we're going to pretend like there isn't. This girl is Sharon Stone from Basic Instinct, which makes me Michael Douglas, and you George Dzundza. Whose name is actually Gus in the film! Until we have another lead, we assume it's her. We've just got to figure out the "how." So far, no ice pick.
GUS:
(closes case and walks over to SHAWN) Okay, first of all, don't ever compare my black ass to George Dzundza again, okay?
SHAWN:
Fair.
GUS:
And what could you possibly ask that girl that the police already haven't?
EXT. COLLEGE QUAD, DAY
SHAWN finds ALICE in front of the engineering building.
SHAWN:
Want to split a pineapple? (holds up the fruit)
ALICE:
I'm sorry, do I know you?
SHAWN:
My name is Ichabod Fletchman. "Sticky Icky" to my boys, but that's neither here nor there. What's important is that this baby is 82% Hawaiian, and I've got all afternoon.
ALICE:
Are you a crazy person?
SHAWN:
(sees two friendship rings on her finger) It's funny, I was about to ask you the same thing, only I was going to add "who likes to make toast" to the end of mine.
ALICE:
Great. So you're another cop, then?
SHAWN:
Not a cop. Not even close.
ALICE:
Well, then who are you?
SHAWN looks around and sees a biker with spiked, tipped hair whose bike chain is off track.
SHAWN:
Hint. Green Day there is about to eat some stone.
The guy gets on his bike and pedals for a bit before the bike stops and he falls off.
ALICE:
How did you do that?
SHAWN:
I'm a psychic.
ALICE:
Pass. (walks away)
SHAWN runs around and cuts her off.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on. I was trying to be cool.
ALICE:
What do you want from me? You want to read my palm? Would you like a lock of my hair?
SHAWN:
Whoa, Alice. Now, I can. I can feel that you're hurting--
ALICE:
Really? Can you feel that I'm hurting? Come on, psychic, you can do better than that, can't you? Do you have a best friend?
SHAWN is a little taken aback. This encounter is not going as planned.
SHAWN:
Yeah. Uh, since birth, almost.
ALICE:
Great, so then maybe you could wrap your head around this. Doreen and I were closer than sisters. Her parents took me in when I was seven. Seven. They raised me. We did everything together, and the one time that I wasn't there, the one time I let her down, and now she's gone.
SHAWN:
I know if anything happened to Gus, I would, uh… I don't know, I've never… I mean, I was…
ALICE:
Look, do you really think I killed that girl? Do you? I mean, I understand your suspicion and everything, but I'm barely hanging on here, and I just don't think that. I'm not a murderer.
SHAWN:
Well, I certainly hope not for your sake.
INT. CONVENIENCE STORE, DAY
LASSITER and GOOCHBERG are talking with the store CLERK.
CLERK:
Someone came in and emptied the cash register when I was in the back.
LASSITER:
(looks at GOOCHBERG) You're not writing this down?
GOOCHBERG:
Who's got the arthritic thumb here? I hitchhiked from Jersey to Havana when I was 19.
LASSITER:
For crying out loud. (takes pad and pen from jacket pocket)
CLERK:
They also got away with about $60 worth of rump roast.
GOOCHBERG:
Don't try to sell me on that nonsense, you punk! What, do you think this is my first square dance? (lunges and slides of the counter before gripping the clerk by her shirt) Give me your gun, Lassiter. I'll show you how to make this little pig squeal.
The CLERK breaks away and runs out the door.
GOOCHBERG:
You're just going to let him go?
LASSITER:
He's the victim, Goochberg!
GOOCHBERG:
Fine! Fine! I'll do it myself! (runs after the clerk)
EXT. SORORITY HOUSE, DAY
JULIET is heading for her car when one of the girls, EDEN, comes out of the door.
EDEN:
Mary Lou, wait! I totally almost forgot to give this to you. (hands JULIET an oversized envelope)
JULIET:
Well, what is it, Eden?
EDEN:
I don't know. It was left on the stoop, like, like a little baby orphan.
JULIET opens the envelope and sees an invitation for a candlelight vigil.
JULIET:
(reads) "God's gift is forgiveness. Please join us in remembering our daughter. Your attendance would be greatly appreciated.”
EDEN:
Tonight? Hello! Plans. Bye! (heads back inside)
JULIET:
Bye! (gets in car)
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
There are a number of dirty plates on the table, a sign of a good dinner. The three are on dessert. HENRY sits at the head of the table drinking a bottle of beer. SHAWN and GUS are on either side. SHAWN is pushing food around on his plate.
SHAWN:
Boy, we really, we really should be going. (wipes his face with a napkin)
HENRY:
Oh, come on, guys. Shawn, stay. Your case will still be there.
SHAWN:
Uh, the sooner we can crack this case and move on, the better, believe me.
HENRY:
Well, this wouldn't have anything to do with the Wispy Sunny Pines suicide, now, would it?
SHAWN and GUS answer at the same time.
GUS:
Yes, sir.
SHAWN:
No.
HENRY:
(leans forward) Ooh, the plot thickens.
SHAWN:
Okay, it's true. Fine. And it hits a little close to home, seeing as how we were actually there the first time it happened.
HENRY:
The first time what happened? (points at SHAWN when he doesn’t answer) Did you open your eyes?
SHAWN:
Dad, you've known me my whole life. Of course I opened my eyes.
HENRY:
Shawn, that is exactly why I refused to let you ride around with me.
SHAWN:
Dad, let it go. I was nine.
HENRY:
That is a lack of respect. Of protocol.
SHAWN:
Of protocol? Again, can I plead nine years old?
HENRY:
(chuckles) And you guys, you've been freaked out about this your entire lives?
GUS:
I don't even drive by that place.
HENRY laughs.
SHAWN:
I really don't think it's funny. It was a very scary thing for two young boys. Certainly puts a new spin on the nanny in The Omen.
GUS:
You know that's right.
HENRY:
Shawn, how much did you see?
SHAWN:
You know, we didn't… we didn't actually see it.
GUS:
Luckily, he missed the bitter, grisly end.
HENRY:
Luckily?
GUS:
Yes, luckily. I covered his eyes, but we know what happened.
HENRY:
I beg to differ. I think that you two missed one very small but important detail. She never jumped. (laughs)
SHAWN:
What? No. No, no, no, no, that's… that's impossible. We saw the window. She was gone.
HENRY:
Because one off-duty police officer pulled her back inside. "Scary" Sherry Craddock was rehabilitated. I'm pretty sure that she's married and living in Fresno. Come on, guys, give me some more credit here. I have no idea how that ridiculous urban legend got started in the first place. (gets up and takes plates to the sink)
SHAWN and GUS lean over the table and whisper so HENRY doesn’t hear.
SHAWN:
Your big-ass mouth.
GUS:
I wanted to keep it a secret. You're the one who was broadcasting it at the lunch table.
SHAWN:
I can't believe this.
GUS:
We actually started an urban legend.
SHAWN:
That's dope!
They fist-bump right before HENRY comes over and sets a hand on SHAWN’S shoulder. He leans in and whispers.
HENRY:
Sometimes, Shawn, the answer is right in front of your eyes. You just need to choose to see it. (slaps SHAWN on the side of the face before leaving)
SHAWN:
That was creepy.
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS drive down a residential street.
SHAWN:
Whoa, this is it. Alice's house. I know there's something here. I've just got to find it.
GUS parks on the opposite side of the street from the house. They take off their seatbelts.
INT. ECHO, NIGHT
SHAWN:
Here's the plan. You ring the doorbell and distract who…whom. who? Whom?
GUS:
Whom...
SHAWN:
The person. The person that answers the door. I go around back, figure out a way in. (turns to open the door)
GUS:
Are you kidding? It took the whole ride to come up with that?
SHAWN:
Well, feel free to make revisions, Gus.
GUS:
How am I supposed to distract them?
SHAWN:
Oh, you'll think of something. Good luck. (puts a hand on GUS’ shoulder) We're all counting on you. (gets out of the car)
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, ENTRANCE, NIGHT
The doorbell rings and an older woman answers the door to find GUS on the step.
GUS:
Mrs.Harthan?
WOMAN:
(Scottish accent) No, the Harthans are down at the cemetery. I'm Poppy, the housekeeper. May I help you?
GUS:
Um, yes. Have you seen Mrs. Pickles?
POPPY:
Mrs. Pickles?
GUS:
Mrs. Pickles, my orange tabby? You must have seen her. She's pregnant with who knows how many unborn tabby kittens, and I've lost her!
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, BACKYARD, NIGHT
While GUS is talking, SHAWN sneaks in the backyard and into the house through a very large doggie door.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY is serving GUS tea as they sit on the couch.
POPPY:
You know… (hands GUS a cup)
GUS:
Thank you.
POPPY:
…growing up in Edinburgh, my sisters and I had a basset hound who used to hoot like a snowy owl.
GUS:
No kidding? What'd you name him?
POPPY:
Eh, we called him "Basset Hound." Although my… my sister, she always used to call him "Uncle Jimmy." I never knew why.
Behind POPPY, GUS sees SHAWN sneaking about.
GUS:
(wails) Mrs. Pickles!
POPPY:
(hands him a cupcake on a plate) Oh, dear, your Mrs. Pickles will come back to you, D'Andre.
SHAWN walks out from the kitchen so only GUS can see him, mouthful of cupcake. He gives a thumbs-up. GUS wails again and SHAWN walks into the study.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, STUDY, NIGHT
SHAWN finishes the cupcake and begins to look around. He thumbs through a photo album and sees a picture of ALICE and DOREEN, each wearing friendship rings, the same two that ALICE now wears. His phone begins to ring.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY looks around at the phone ringing.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, STUDY, NIGHT
SHAWN panics when he realizes the ringing is his phone. He runs back to the kitchen.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
POPPY continues to look around.
POPPY:
What in the heaven's that?
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, BACKYARD, NIGHT
SHAWN stops and stares at the phone.
SHAWN:
I have got to set this thing on vibrate. (answers) I'm sorry, who is this?
EDEN:
(over phone) Shawn, it's Eden.
SHAWN:
Who?
EDEN:
(over phone) From Beta Kappa Theta. Are you coming to our party, or, like, what the heck? There are cops here and everything.
SHAWN leaves the yard and closes the gate behind him.
SHAWN:
Let me talk to Mary Lou.
EDEN:
(over phone) Mary Lou had to go to some candlelight vigil thingy for Doreen.
SHAWN:
Vigil? What vigil? There was--
EDEN:
(over phone) Yeah, at that creepy Wispy Sunny Pines place.
SHAWN sees tar on a drainpipe running down the side of the house and flashes back to what BETTY said about burying the gown at the tar pits. He surmises that ALICE followed them and removed the gown after they left.
EDEN:
(over phone) What about Bud? Can he come?
SHAWN ends the call and tracks the tar marks to an upstairs window. His mind then tells him how ALICE set everything up after sneaking out of her room.
INT. HARTHAN HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
GUS is sipping his tea.
POPPY:
Has anyone ever told you you look like little Bud from the old Cosby Show?
GUS:
Yes, ma'am, but I was not Bud. (cell phone rings and he sets down cup, pulls phone from pocket and answers) Hello? You bet. (ends call) It's her.
POPPY:
Who?
GUS:
Mrs. Pickles. She's home. (gets up and leaves)
EXT. HARTHAN HOUSE, FRONT, NIGHT
GUS meets up with SHAWN.
GUS:
I believe it was -
SHAWN:
It was her. And I've got the "how." We've got to go to Wispy Sunny Pines.
They walk to the car.
GUS:
What? No, no, no. You said go to the sorority house.
SHAWN:
No, the girls are fine. Cops are there. Meanwhile, Juliet's at some candlelight vigil with Doreen's family at the asylum.
GUS:
Wait a minute, no, no, no. The housekeeper just said Doreen's parents were at the cemetery.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
(sees concern on SHAWN’S face) What?
SHAWN:
Oh, God. Of course. Why mess around with the worker bees when you can kill the queen?
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Gus, Alice! She wanted us all at that party, including us, so that she could get Mary Lou by herself! This is Silence of the Lambs! Which means we're both Scott Glenn!
They each go to their own doors but GUS refuses to unlock it, talking to SHAWN over the roof.
GUS:
Okay, Shawn, if I'm going to go back to that creepy-ass institution I've been afraid to drive by since I was nine, there's going to be some rules and regulations.
SHAWN:
Gus, this is no time for fun-
GUS:
Listen, Shawn! I will not enter a room first. I will not enter a room last. I will not investigate any suspicious noises, or go looking for a fuse box, and you will not, under any circumstance, leave me by myself without a weapon of some sort. Do you understand and agree to my terms?
SHAWN:
I'm not prepared to negotiate--
GUS:
Do you understand, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Yes! I do, yes!
GUS:
All right. Let's go help Juliet.
They get in the car and drive off.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM, NIGHT
GOOCHBERG is lying unconscious on the bed, machines softly beeping. LASSITER stands beside the bed, not believing that he is there. Suddenly, GOOCHBERG’S hand reaches out and grabs LASSITER’S arm.
GOOCHBERG:
Scarecrow, did we get him?
LASSITER:
No. No, of course we didn't get him. Your little pursuit sort of ended when you had a mild cardiac arrest. When were you going to tell me about the pacemaker? And how dare you try and scale a fence in high heels? He was the victim, Goochberg.
GOOCHBERG:
But did we get him?
LASSITER:
(moves to the other side of the bed) Yeah. Yeah, we got him, Goochberg.
LASSITER’S cell phone rings and he walks away from the bed to answer it.
LASSITER:
Lassiter. Spencer? Do you realize you are the second-to-last human person on this planet I want to be speaking to right now?
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
JULIET pulls up in front of the abandoned building. There are no other cars there, and no lights inside. JULIET gets out of the car and stairs up at the building.
JULIET:
(sighs) Call for backup, O'Hara. Just make the call. Better safe than sorry.
She reaches into her purse and gets her phone just as it rings. The screen shows it’s SHAWN. Just as she’s about to answer, ALICE appears on the stairs.
ALICE:
Mary Lou! We're…we're over here.
JULIET puts away her phone, dons her Mary Lou persona and joins ALICE.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
The hallway is lit with white candles of varying sizes.
ALICE:
I have to say, I'm a little shocked to see you here.
JULIET:
Where's everyone else?
ALICE:
Oh, upstairs. They're waiting for you. I told them you probably wouldn't show.
JULIET:
Well, maybe you misjudged me.
ALICE:
Maybe I did. Follow me?
ALICE heads up the stairs, also lined with candles. JULIET starts after ALICE but pauses and looks around.
JULIET:
Wow! This must have taken hours.
They continue upstairs to the next floor, also lined with candles.
JULIET:
I mean, this is really extensive. Candle-wise.
They continue upstairs to the fourth floor, also lined with candles.
ALICE:
The whole family's waiting in room 413.
JULIET:
Okay.
They arrive at room 413 and ALICE motions for JULIET to enter first.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
In the center of the room, candles are set in a circle. Within the circle is the nightgown covered in tar, spread out like it is waiting to be worn. Hanging above the circle are upside-down naked dolls. There are no people.
JULIET:
Alice, what the hell is this?
ALICE walks in behind her wearing a headset microphone and brandishing an axe.
ALICE:
(voice echoes) Welcome to the party, Mary Lou. It's a banquet fit for a queen!
ALICE swings the axe at JULIET who uses her purse to hit ALICE as she ducks out of the way. The purse falls to the floor.
JULIET:
(holds hands out placating) Alice, you do not want to do this. Give me the ax. I'm not who you think I am.
ALICE:
(voice echoes) No, you are exactly who I think you are. You're the reason girls vomit and starve themselves to death. And you're the reason that they fill themselves with plastic, and you are the reason that Doreen is dead. And so now, on behalf of the entire suit of the broken hearts, Alice will now lop off the queen's head. (laughs) That just sounded so much better out loud than it did in my head.
She lunges at JULIET, swinging the axe. She buries it in the wall next to JULIET’S head.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
SHAWN and GUS pull up in the Echo just as LASSITER arrives in his car. All three get out and SHAWN rushes for the door, only to stop and look at LASSITER.
SHAWN:
Lassie! Our timing is really starting to crackle.
They hear glass shatter and screams from inside and they run into the building.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
LASSITER enters, gun drawn. He pauses at the base of the stairs before running up them. SHAWN and GUS run in and SHAWN starts up the stairs before GUS grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him back.
GUS:
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! We made a deal, Shawn!
SHAWN rolls his eyes and motions with his arms for GUS to go first upstairs.
GUS:
Thank you.
They run upstairs.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
ALICE keeps attacking JULIET with the axe, but the detective keeps dodging out of the way.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS and SHAWN follow LASSITER. The detective steps over a fallen piece of furniture but GUS steps on a weak spot, his foot falling through and getting stuck. SHAWN runs past and GUS grabs at him.
GUS:
Get it out! Get it out!
SHAWN:
(weakly pulls on GUS’ leg) Pull your foot out of the shoe!
GUS:
I can't! It's too tight! Shawn, Shawn, don't leave me, Shawn. That was rule number five.
SHAWN is torn between helping JULIET and not leaving GUS.
SHAWN:
Wiggle your big toe!
GUS:
I can't wiggle my big toe!
SHAWN:
Dude!
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Work the laces. (runs after LASSITER)
GUS:
Shawn? Shawn!
SHAWN catches up to LASSITER who is checking every open room, gun drawn. They hear a groaning coming from down the hall.
SHAWN:
Juliet!
LASSITER:
O’Hara!
They hear a woman scream and even GUS stops his panicking. SHAWN and LASSITER look at each other before SHAWN pushes the detective forward, taking cover behind the armed man.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
ALICE keeps attacking JULIET with the axe.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS undoes his belt and begins to wield it as a weapon.
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, ROOM 413, NIGHT
JULIET now has her hands on the axe and both women fight for possession of the weapon. JULIET literally gets the upper hand and pushes ALICE away with a hand to her face.
ALICE:
That is it! Now you die for sure! (rushes JULIET)
JULIET:
I don't think so. (punches ALICE who falls to the floor) You are under arrest, you crazy, crazy, crazy bitch! (holds axe menacingly)
LASSITER and SHAWN rush into the room.
LASSITER:
Detective!
SHAWN:
Juliet!
JULIET looks at them, panting, still gripping the axe. SHAWN approaches cautiously, not wanting to set her off.
SHAWN:
Hey. (puts his hands on the axe handle and tries to take it away) I got it. (JULIET lets go) I got it.
EXT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, NIGHT
LASSITER escorts a handcuffed ALICE out by the arm, followed by JULIET and SHAWN. VICK runs up with another detective and some officers.
VICK:
What the hell happened in there?
ALICE:
She's crazy. Look, she's possessed. You have to believe me.
VICK:
O'Hara?
JULIET:
You're asking me? I thought I was coming to a candlelight vigil. I thought I was coming to pay my condolences. Apparently, that wasn't the case.
SHAWN is tracing his fingers along the edge of the axe in front of ALICE, who seems mesmerized. Until he cuts his finger.
SHAWN:
Ow! (sucks on his finger)
LASSITER:
Give me that. (takes axe)
ALICE:
What would you have done, Shawn, if it was your best friend? What would you have done?
SHAWN:
Oh, no. Gus. (runs inside)
INT. WISPY SUNNY PINES, HALL, NIGHT
GUS is on his knees, sobbing and weakly flailing his belt. A strange deep voice echoes through the building.
VOICE:
Bud! Work the laces.
GUS realizes it’s SHAWN using the same microphone ALICE used.
GUS:
Shawn! Come get me out of here! That's not funny, Shawn!
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
VICK is working at her desk as LASSITER walks in.
LASSITER:
Did I upset you?
VICK:
(looks up) Upset me?
LASSITER:
Insult you? Demean you in some way that I do not comprehend?
VICK:
Detective, I'm pretty sure I have no idea what you're talking about.
LASSITER:
The woman. The crazy woman? The half-deaf litigating nightmare express of a detective. Why would you put me, of all people, with her? I'm head detective.
VICK:
Honestly, detective, I thought you two might hit it off.
LASSITER:
Why would you possibly think that?
VICK:
Well, she kind of reminded me a little of you. You know, a few years down the road. Similar interests, outlooks. Everyone thought it was a pretty good idea.
LASSITER:
That's how people perceive me?
VICK:
We're all a little surprised that it didn't work out, Carlton.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
LASSITER walks out of the office and stops in the hall, waving and smiling at a couple of officers passing by. His smile falters when they ignore him. He then looks up and sees SHAWN sitting on JULIET’S desk, his partner in her chair and GUS in one pulled up to the desk. They were all laughing and eating Chinese food. He walks over, wanting to join in their conversation.
GUS:
(laughing) You sick mother…
SHAWN:
Dude, we could hear you from the fourth floor.
GUS:
Don't lie! Don't lie!
LASSITER walks away, ignored once again.
SHAWN:
Hey, Lassie!
LASSITER turns around in time to catch the fortune cookie SHAWN tosses at him. The three stop laughing and smile at him. LASSITER turns away and walks down the hall. A smile quirks his lips as he breaks open the fortune cookie and puts half of it in his mouth before reading the fortune.