Transcript 2x03 Psy vs, Psy
Dec. 13th, 2012 11:13 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jpgrI might get one more in before Christmas, if you're lucky!
INT. VICE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE, DAY
The Vice Principal, PETLIC, is sitting behind his desk as SHAWN and HENRY – in uniform – face him.
HENRY:
Look I'm telling you, my son Shawn did not have a permission to go on that field trip.
PETLIC:
Well, he did turn in his permission slip signed by you. (shows HENRY the form)
HENRY:
(looks at form) Signature's a forgery. It's a fake.
PETLIC:
Well, that's a little dramatic, don't you think, Mr. Spencer?
HENRY:
Look, this form is a counterfeit. These are serious charges, and my son needs to be punished.
PETLIC:
(pulls out other forms and places them on the desk) Mr. Spencer, all three are permission slips also signed by you.
HENRY:
(picks up the forms) Yes. Yep. Yes. Yes. (puts the forms back on the desk) Those...those are my signatures.
PETLIC:
Well, you see, then? I'd be hard-pressed to believe that a child of Shawn's age could be capable of such detailed forgery.
HENRY:
Well, you don't know my son. No offense, but you are the vice principal of a middle school, not a handwriting expert. That testimony's not gonna hold up in court.
PETLIC:
Well, we're not talking court. Are we? You know, 'cause if we were, you should know that I did take a handwriting personality course at the Learning Annex last summer, and I can tell by the way you, uh, turn your “N” humps, that you have a very open and childlike kindness about you. (SHAWN snickers) I could be off on that. You know, it... it was a one-night seminar.
HENRY:
Okay, now, as a sergeant with the Santa Barbara Police Department, let me tell you what I know. See the pen lift on the “R” there? The bleed mark,that shows hesitation, as if thinking, "Gee, how do I form that next letter?" Now I don't know about you, but I don't have to think about how to sign my own damn name. So you're wrong.
SHAWN:
Really? I don't know, Dad. I think Mr. Petlic has a point. They look pretty identical to me.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the station and turn the hall. Up ahead they see a man sitting and tying his shoes. They can only see his legs and hands.
SHAWN:
Hey, check it out. There's Lassiter. Make a loop like a bunny's ear, wrap it around, careful as you steer. (claps) That's a good boy, Lassie. (the man stands) Wait a minute. You're not Lassie.
The MAN is wearing a black suit and has a visitor pass clipped to his upper-pocket.
MAN:
Well, I don't know what a Lassie is, but I'm not it. I'm Special Agent Lars Ewing with the FTD.
SHAWN:
You're a special florist?
EWING:
(holds up badge) Federal Treasury Department.
SHAWN:
We have a department that deals exclusively with treasures?
EWING:
(taps buttons on watch) If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting in an Interim Chief Vick's office. (tries to walk past SHAWN and GUS)
SHAWN:
That's where our meeting is! This is very exciting. I feel nervous. Is that what you're wearing?
EWING:
This goes against every federal bone in my body, but who are you guys?
SHAWN:
I'm not familiar with the federal bone. Is that connected to the hip bone or the knee bone?
EWING:
(leans forward towards SHAWN) Well, I can tell you what the knee bone is gonna connect with if you don't get out of my way.
GUS:
I'm gonna guess, not the funny bone?
SHAWN laughs mockingly as EWING brushes past.
SHAWN:
Wow.
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
This meeting is bigger than we thought.
They continue towards VICK’S office. SHAWN sees a WOMAN sitting on bench making a phone call.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. (stops) Get us some seats close to the desk, but not on the side. I'll catch up in a second.
GUS continues on and SHAWN walks past the WOMAN before doubling back to stand in front of her.
SHAWN:
Waiting for Godot? Guffman. Waiting to Exhale?
WOMAN:
(puts phone in purse) I'm not waiting to exhale.
SHAWN:
(holds out hand) Shawn Spencer.
WOMAN:
(stands and shakes his hand) Lindsay Leikin.
SHAWN:
I'm the head psychic in the department. This is sort of my joint.
LINDSAY:
They, um, hire psychics around here?
SHAWN focuses on LINDSAY’S fingertips.
LINDSAY:
Personally, I'm a little bit skeptical.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. (holds hands up to head) I was just getting a very strong vibration. Did you... did you just recently take up the guitar?
LINDSAY:
Oh, my God. Yes, just recently. Very impressive. How did you do that?
SHAWN:
Sometimes there's just this amazingly strong connection from the word go. I'm getting something else. This is gonna be a very, very good week for you, Lindsay Leikin.
LINDSAY:
Really? I didn't think...
SHAWN:
Just let it happen. (walks away)
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN enters the office as VICK welcomes EWING. LASSITER, JULIET and GUS are already there.
VICK:
So let me officially welcome you to Santa Barbara. We are all ready and willing to...
SHAWN:
Don't let me interrupt. Please continue. (to GUS) What'd I say about seats on the side?
VICK:
Mr. Spencer, this is Special Agent Ewing from the Treasury Department in Washington.
SHAWN:
Yes, we sniffed one another in the hallway.
SHAWN looks over at EWING and makes an upward motion with his left hand. EWING looks down to check his fly. He glares over at SHAWN when he realizes he’s been played.
VICK:
He is here because they have been tracking an aggressive forger who's been counterfeiting large numbers of $100 bills and then laundering the money into small communities across the country.
EWING:
The last being a Home Depot right here in the heart of your little hamlet.
LASSITER:
Well, we are raring to help you with this federal bust.
EWING:
Who is this?
VICK:
This is Carlton Lassiter, our head detective, and his junior partner, Juliet O'Hara.
EWING:
Ah, the name Juliet. "How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night." Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet.
SHAWN:
"Tootie, you in trouble." It's Mindy Cohn. Facts of Life?
EWING:
(takes device out of inner jacket pocket, turns it on and places it on the desk) Could you gentlemen please state your name once again? And please speak clearly.
LASSITER:
Is that a recording device? Government issued?
EWING:
Asking if that is a recording device is like asking if this (holds out pen) is a pen.
LASSITER:
Is it a pen?
EWING:
That's classified. (winks at JULIET)
GUS:
(to SHAWN) It's tiny. Probably can't hold much.
EWING:
Oh, that's not a tape recorder. That is a high-tech microphone system attached to a Mildred.
JULIET:
A Mildred? What's... what's a Mildred?
LASSITER:
I believe it's an intelligence-gathering device. "Mildred" is probably an anagram. Military Intel Listening Device Recorder... something.
EWING:
Mildred is not a device. She's my stenographer. (steps to the side to reveal an older woman sitting at a stenograph)
GUS:
You have your own stenographer?
EWING:
I am hyper-careful. Can't take any chances. Saved my behind more than once in making cases stick past deposition.
LASSITER:
Brilliant. Chief?
VICK:
Not happening. Now what I need from all of you is your full cooperation in assisting Special Agent Ewing in any way he sees fit. Now, any questions?
SHAWN:
(raises his hand) I have a question for Special.
EWING:
(irritated) Who is this?
VICK:
I'm sorry. This is Shawn Spencer. And his partner, Burton Guster. Mr. Spencer is a psychic with the department who I thought might be helpful.
EWING:
Well, next time I have to go on a panty raid, I'll give him a call.
LASSITER laughs.
EWING:
But we already have our own psychic. She's just started in the department and she is already a superstar. Got us so close to the counterfeiter a month ago in Wilmette, Illinois. We must have missed him by only a few minutes.
LINDSAY enters the office.
EWING:
Mr. Spencer, Lindsay...
SHAWN:
Leikin. We too met in the hallway.
VICK:
Okay, then let's adjourn this meeting. I know Special Agent Ewing has prepared informational packets for all of you. We will meet at the Home Depot tomorrow.
EWING:
Let's say... (checks watch) 0700 hours.
SHAWN:
700 hours is almost 20 days. Shouldn't we act sooner?
JULIET:
0700 is 7:00 a. m.
EWING:
Precisely, Detective. Striking and whip-smart. Intriguing.
LASSITER:
I knew that too.
EWING:
(to JULIET) You have Pennsylvania Ave. running through your veins. Ever consider taking the Bureau exam?
JULIET looks over at VICK and turns to walk out of the office, away from the flirting EWING. EWING follows as LASSITER tags along.
LASSITER:
I have.
VICK:
Let me set up that conference area for you. Right this way. (leaves the office)
SHAWN:
(crosses arms) Little skeptical of psychics, are we?
LINDSAY:
I should have said "just you”. And don't think I didn't pick up on that “calluses on my hands” guitar clue. Good one. This is gonna be good. I'm gonna solve this case, and I'm gonna prove you're a fake. Fun, right? (leaves)
SHAWN:
Hmm.
**************************************************************************
PSYCH
“Psy vs. Psy”
By
Andy Berman
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Mel Damski
**********************************************************************
EXT. SHOPPING PLAZA, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY walk in front of the Santa Barbara crew.
VICK:
Okay, you are all instructed to cooperate fully with the federal agents. I'll be damned if we're gonna get shown up on our own turf. They may be the feds, but we are a team and this is our town. They will need us.
EWING:
You breached protocol, Leikin. I waited outside the hotel, 0630. You weren't there.
LINDSAY:
Yeah, sorry, I got up early and went to go get coffee.
SHAWN walks behind them, listening.
INT. HOME DEPOT, CHECKOUT, DAY
EWING is interrogating the cashier.
EWING:
Son, let me ask you a question. What made you think those $100 bills were authentic?
CASHIER:
Um, 'cause they said "100" on them?
EWING:
Are you an idiot? Don't answer that. If I plopped a Granny Smith apple down on this counter and carved a "100" on it, would you accept that as legal tender? Don't answer that. Do you know what microprinting is?
CASHIER:
I'm confused. Should I answer that?
LASSITER:
(raises hand) I know what it is.
EWING:
The introduction of microprinting as an anti-replicant feature began in 1990 with the addition (shows a $100 bill in his billfold) of the words "United States of America" printed around Ben Franklin's lapel. In addition, the words "U.S. 100" are printed within the lines of the lower left 100.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, is it just me, or is this unbearably boring? I don't know how Ms. Leikin works, but Gus and I are going to investigate the body of the store and search for our culprit's twisted, wretched, filthy aura, because that is what serious psychics do.
>>>LATER>>>
INT. HOME DEPOT, FLOOR, DAY
A forklift beeps as it rises above some shelving. On it, SHAWN stands to get a better view of the store.
GUS:
(sees SHAWN) Shawn, what are you doing?
HENRY is shopping. He hears GUS and looks up.
HENRY:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
Dad. Wow, you look so tiny down there.
HENRY:
What the hell are you doing up there?
SHAWN:
What does it look like I'm doing? We're making a case, a federal one.
HENRY:
Oh, of course you are. Well, when you've finished wrapping things up for the Pentagon, I want you at my house. I got a project for you.
SHAWN:
Afraid we're gonna be a little busy having our pictures taken with the President of the United States of America.
HENRY:
Mm, oh, I think you'll be there. You owe me.
SHAWN:
I owe you?
HENRY:
Yeah, for the last 12 times I helped you solve one of your little cases. You agreed.
SHAWN:
Gus, did I agree to that?
GUS:
Well, technically...
HENRY:
Gus!
GUS:
I think you did. (walks away)
HENRY:
See ya. (leaves)
SHAWN sees the security cameras.
INT. HOME DEPOT, SECURITY OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the security office. SHAWN knocks on the door and the heavyset GUARD turns away from the bank of monitors to face them.
GUARD:
Excuse me. Can I help you guys?
SHAWN:
Hello, Garrison. We're working on the counterfeiting case, and we need to see all of yesterday's security footage.
We see GARRISON’S name badge.
GARRISON:
How do you know my name's Garrison?
SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) And you thought this was gonna be a problem? (normal voice) I'm sorry, man. I... I didn't mean to freak you out. My name is Shawn Spencer. I'm a psychic with the police department.
GARRISON:
There was already a psychic here last night. From Washington, no less. She looked at all the tapes and there was no positive ID.
SHAWN:
She already came here, huh?
GARRISON:
Mmm-hmm, and she's good. She also knew my name was Garrison.
SHAWN:
Uh, you mind if I take a peek anyway? I work a little differently than her. My process is a little more complex. I can sometimes pick up images that are underneath the epidermal layer.
SHAWN and GUS walk over to the computers and GARRISON swivels his chair back around to the monitors. GARRISON pulls up the moment that LINDSAY looked at.
GARRISON:
Here it is. This is the tape of the counterfeiter that she looked at last night. You know, honestly, if that pretty lady psychic couldn't pick up anything, I can't imagine you're gonna have much luck.
SHAWN zooms in on the car keys, registering the logo.
SHAWN:
You know what, you're probably right. We gave it a shot. Thanks, Garrison. (leaves)
GUS follows SHAWN out of the room.
INT. HOME DEPOT, CHECKOUT, DAY
EWING, LASSITER, JULET, VICK and LINDSAY are still with the CASHIER.
JULIET:
Tall? Short? Age? Race?
SHAWN and GUS arrive.
EWING:
Do you mean to tell me that the only thing you can remember clearly is that he was a man?
CASHIER:
And technically, I can't even be sure of that, now, can I?
As the CASHIER answers, EWING leans towards JULIET and sniffs her hair.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. I'm getting something. He... did not wear corrective lenses.
LINDSAY rolls her eyes.
CASHIER:
Actually, that is true.
VICK:
Okay, well, that's something to go on. Good work, Mr. Spencer.
LASSITER:
Great, yes, we're looking for someone in Santa Barbara who does not wear glasses.
LINDSAY:
He... He had a small scar about three inches, on the jaw line, and he wore a single stud diamond in his left ear.
CASHIER:
Yes. And yes. She's exactly right. I can see that clearly now.
EWING:
That's why she's the best.
EWING heads for the door and, after a smirk in SHAWN’S direction, LINDSAY follows.
JULIET:
Tough break.
JULES follows LASSITER and VICK out the door.
SHAWN:
What? Jules?
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY
SHAWN, GUS and HENRY are looking at 2x4s resting on sawhorses. There are blueprints on top.
SHAWN:
Dad, I'm confused. There are plans for a wet bar.
HENRY:
Yeah, that's right, for entertaining.
SHAWN:
Right, but I don't see anywhere in the plans the portal into 1976.
HENRY:
Shawn, a wet bar happens to be a timeless home feature.
SHAWN:
Right, perfect for those warm summer evenings when Reggie Jackson and Dyan Cannon swing by for Harvey Wallbangers.
HENRY:
Shawn, are you gonna crack wise or are you gonna get to work?
SHAWN:
I feel like it should be noted that neither Gus nor myself are licensed plumbers.
HENRY:
Yes, I understand that, Shawn. I've already installed the sink. All you two have to do is connect the fittings.
SHAWN bends over and looks under the frame of the bar as HENRY walks away. SHAWN straightens up and rubs his hands together.
SHAWN:
All right, let's get to work. (goes behind bar)
GUS:
Seriously?
SHAWN:
This will be good.
GUS:
It will?
SHAWN:
Work is good, Gus. Work is glorious. It's the breath of life. (holds up a drill) What is this?
GUS:
It's a drill.
SHAWN:
Of course it is. Don't be ridiculous.
GUS:
You're still upset that Lindsay showed you up at the crime scene, aren't you?
SHAWN:
What is her trick?
GUS:
Maybe she's just more psychic-y than you. (walks to the center of the room)
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as psychics.
GUS:
I don't know, Shawn. Even I've been getting a little bit of intuition lately. In fact, I'm getting something right now. (does an impression of SHAWN having a vision) Something very strong. She's... she's...better than you.
SHAWN:
You know, they say imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but that hurts. It hurts below the belt.
GUS:
Shawn, if you want to beat her, then we have to actually work the case. (walks back to the bar) Utilize my knowledge. You know I have a coin collection. I've studied tender from around the world. I have over 85 Buffalo nickels, Shawn. (puts hands on hips)
SHAWN:
Okay. First of all, and this is key, don't ever, under any circumstances, ever admit that to anyone outside of these walls. Secondly, I love utilizing your knowledge, Gus. I can't wait until we have the case of the missing thimble. But this case is not about counterfeiting. It's about me versus her. Ecks versus Sever. Joe versus the Volcano.
GUS:
Fine. Then let's get to it. What do you know?
SHAWN:
All right, this is what I got. He managed not to be identified on any of the security cameras, which means he's smart. Smart enough to stay ahead of the game.
GUS:
Which means changing up anything that could be linked or traced to him.
SHAWN:
Like his vehicle. His key. It was distinctively Nissan. Probably a Murano. Maybe a Sentra.
GUS:
So we go back and check the outdoor surveillance cameras from the store, and look for Nissans in the parking lot yesterday.
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already tipped Lassiter off to that. The only one that didn't check out was a new one with no plates.
GUS:
Ewing's informational packet links this guy to over a dozen vehicles since he left Washington. His pattern's to spend six to eight days in a town before pricking up ears.
SHAWN:
You read Ewing's informational packet?
GUS:
Cover to cover.
SHAWN:
That's weird. I just read the cover. But I don't need to read the whole thing to know that that's his M.O. He's too smart to still be driving that car, Gus. He's gotta be switching out his mode of transportation on a daily basis.
GUS:
And paying cash.
SHAWN:
Gotta launder as much of that funny money as he can.
GUS:
So the question is, to which car dealership would a crook go to spend lots of cash without pricking up ears?
The drill whirrs in SHAWN’S hand.
INT. UPSCALE CAR DEALERSHIP, FLOOR, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the showroom
SHAWN:
This must be what Jay Leno feels like when he walks into his garage. Which makes you Kevin Eubanks.
GUS:
I don't think they roll around town together, Shawn. Can we talk to the owner?
SHAWN:
First we play customer. It's the people who groove on the floor that are gonna give us the scoop, Gus.
They approach a salesman talking to a woman with her back to them.
SHAWN:
Excuse me, my buddy here is interested in the banana yellow Ferrari, though he's neither gay nor European. I hope that's not a prob...
The woman turns around and it is LINDSAY.
LINDSAY:
Look who finally figured it out. A little late.
SHAWN and GUS look into the manager’s office to see VICK, JULIET, LASSITER and EWING.
GUS:
How did you not notice her, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I wasn't expecting her to be here.
GUS:
You were looking right at her.
SHAWN:
She's got me all out of whack.
GUS:
Get your head in the game.
VICK, JULIET and LASSITER approach SHAWN and GUS.
SHAWN:
So what's going on? No one calls us anymore. That's the new thing? I thought we were a team.
LASSITER:
Yeah, first of all, the whole "team" thing. She wasn't talking to you. And secondly, Ewing didn't call me. He called O'Hara.
SHAWN looks at JULIET as if to say “Oh, really?”
JULIET:
It's not like I asked him to.
SHAWN:
It's okay, Clarice. You don't have to make excuses to us.
JULIET:
It wasn't just today. My phone's been ringing all the time. I don't know how he got my home number. I mean, please. Do you think I wanted to pick up my phone at 2:00 a.m. and hear his voice all gravelly and masculine? (looks across the showroom floor at EWING) Probably called from the hotel. Maybe just got out of the shower or...finished with a swim. (gets a little carried away with her imagination) Dripping wet. (realizes and recovers her professionalism)
VICK:
Just catch Mr. Spencer and Mr. Guster up on what Ms. Leikin was able to figure out.
LASSITER:
Apparently our guy came in here, bought a used Lamborghini for $47,000 in cash.
JULIET:
Next day, he tries to return it. All sales are final, but the sales manager makes a concession, offering mere $26,000 in cash.
GUS:
He accepts it? What kind of idiot is this guy?
VICK:
A genius idiot, according to the Feds.
LASSITER:
You see, those familiar with this sort of thing know that it's the classic grift. Essentially, he traded 47 Gs of worthless paper for $26,000 in cold, hard cash. I've seen it before.
SHAWN:
Where? In a Mamet play?
GUS:
Any witnesses?
JULIET:
No, but a Lamborghini was spotted outside of town in Goleta, but it was moving too fast to make an ID. (crosses arms and looks over at EWING) You know, I don't think he's a swimmer. He's not really that build. I bet he plays rugby.
EWING and LINDSAY walk over to them.
LASSITER:
Hey, what color is that suit?
EWING:
Black.
LASSITER:
Really? It seems blacker than black.
EWING:
It's Washington black.
LASSITER turns to JULIET and mouths “Washington black”.
EWING:
Look, if anyone wants to join me, I'm gonna be taking a look at some of the bills from the safe that didn't get deposited.
EWING heads for the office and LASSITER follows eagerly. JULIET, VICK and GUS follow. SHAWN walks with LINDSAY.
SHAWN:
Look, Leikin, I think it's possible that we got off on the wrong foot.
LINDSAY:
Is that right?
SHAWN:
Yeah, I mean, this is silly. We should join forces like Pitt and Jolie, you know? Work together, make it nice for everyone.
LINDSAY:
I don't think you get it. I have nothing to gain here. If you haven't noticed, my job is safe. It's you I'm worried about, faker.
SHAWN:
In that case, maybe we should just date.
LINDSAY:
I'm seeing somebody.
SHAWN:
Well, is it…
LINDSAY:
Serious? Yes.
SHAWN:
You didn't know I was gonna...
LINDSAY:
Yes, I did. (turns on her heel and leaves)
INT. UPSCALE CAR DEALERSHIP, OFFICE, DAY
LINDSAY pushes past GUS to stand by EWING as he tests the bills. SHAWN enters and stands next to GUS.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Dude, don't you know the move where you take off your jacket and you lay it across some seats?
GUS:
(jabs SHAWN) Get your head in the game, Shawn.
SHAWN:
(pushes against LINDSAY) Uh, budgies?
LINDSAY shoves him back and he moves to her other side and leans in as EWING discusses his initial findings.
EWING:
These are good. (holds bill up to the light) But they're not great. You see how on this bill, the edge of the nose on Ben Franklin's cloudy?
SHAWN focuses in on one of the other bills in EWING’S hand and how the colors seem to shift.
EWING:
(speaks into microphone) Did you get that, Mildred?
Out on the showroom floor, MILDRED raises a hand, thumb up.
SHAWN:
(goes back to GUS) (whispers) Hey, is there any reason a $100 bill would change colors?
GUS:
(whispers) Actually, yes. It's an effect caused by color-shifting ink. It's only present in $100 bills. The changing color is called color diffraction. And it's made possible when light reflects off of metallic flakes added to the ink.
SHAWN makes a note of the serial number of the real bill.
SHAWN:
Good work, Gus.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
VICK, LASSITER, JULIET, EWING and LINDSAY are sitting at the conference table.
VICK:
So we'll check the information that Ms. Leikin's gathered for us...
VICK stops when SHAWN and GUS enter and take seats at the table.
SHAWN:
Thank goodness! Finally, some nice seats, huh? This is what I'm talking about.
Everyone seems uncomfortable, refusing to look at SHAWN or GUS directly.
SHAWN:
What? Did I... did I just sit in something? (stands) Gus, do I have pudding on my jeans?
GUS:
(looks at SHAWN’S jeans) No, no.
SHAWN:
Nothing? (sits)
GUS:
Shawn. I think we're not welcomed here.
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be a paranoid schizophrenic. We're always welcome here.
GUS:
No, look.
SHAWN:
(SHAWN realizes no one will meet his gaze) Oh, my God. We're not welcome.
VICK:
It's nothing personal, Mr. Spencer. Special Agent Ewing just feels that Ms. Leiken has things covered on the psychic front, and I have to agree with him.
SHAWN:
Okay. I can take a hint. Certainly don't need to be told twice.
GUS:
I think you were just told three times.
SHAWN:
You know what, this is fine, because we had a good run. Thank you for the memories.
SHAWN and GUS stand and head for the door. SHAWN and stops and turns around.
SHAWN:
Oh, just one more thing. You might want to check the cash from the dealership, because it's not all counterfeit. (mock salutes and starts to walks away)
EWING:
(stands) That's ridiculous. (SHAWN stops) If I had learned how to laugh as a child, I would right now. I looked at all those bills myself. Do you really want to go against the leading special agent in counterfeiting with 14 years of experience under his belt and say that those bills weren't fake?
SHAWN:
Not all of them. Just one. And I believe the serial number was ALD97570807...7!
SHAWN and GUS walk away. EWING looks at the bills with a magnifying glass.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk away from the conference room.
GUS:
Where are we going? Shouldn't we have stayed until they checked the bills out?
SHAWN:
Wait for it. Wait for it…
LASSITER comes out of the conference room followed by the others.
LASSITER:
Spencer! Hold up.
JULIET:
The bill checked out. It's real.
EWING:
(stands in front of SHAWN and crosses arms) All right, answer me this, Mr. Psychic. Why would a counterfeiter ever use real bills?
SHAWN:
Because he had to. Man... I read your informational packet cover to cover. Our guy spends six to eight days in every city... we're only on day four. Quite simply, he ran out of dough. He didn't know what kind of deal he'd be able to make on the car. Turns out, short one bill.
GUS:
Lucky for us.
VICK:
So what's our next move?
EWING:
Well, I'll call Washington and begin...
VICK:
I'm sorry, I was asking Mr. Spencer.
SHAWN:
Oh... oh, you want to know what I think his next move is. Oh, Gus, look, she wants... Well, let's see here. He's gotta print more money. My guess is he, uh, set up shop here in town. So... we find his little nest, we find him.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
SHAWN is wearing a floral apron and holds a pink plastic device in his hand.
SHAWN:
Well, buddy, I really hope you like this. It took me 19 hours to bake. Put it in last night before bed.
GUS:
It takes 19 hours to bake a pineapple upside-down cake?
SHAWN:
(pulls a small cake from an Easy Bake oven) It does when it's being heated by a 60-watt bulb. (places the cake on GUS’ desk)
GUS:
It's not upside down, Shawn.
There’s a knock on the door.
GUS:
Who could that be at this hour?
LINDSAY appears in the doorway.
SHAWN:
Huh.
LINDSAY:
Are you gonna invite me in?
SHAWN looks over at GUS who grunts noncommittally.
SHAWN:
I don’t know. I guess.
GUS sits in his desk chair as LINDSAY enters the office.
LINDSAY:
So this is what a psychic detective office looks like. You know, I always imagined it... Does something smell like pineapple?
SHAWN:
Pineapple upside-down cake. Would you like some? Wait, before you answer that, are you a fan of delicious flavor?
LINDSAY:
All right, look. This isn't easy for me to say, but... I was wrong. You're better than I thought. Your discovery at the station today was a huge get. I think we should work together after all. The faster we find out where the counterfeiter's den is, the better. That is, if you guys are willing.
SHAWN:
Hmm.
GUS:
Hmm.
SHAWN:
Depends, don't you think, Gus?
>>>LATER>>>
SHAWN, GUS and LINDSAY are sitting in the leather chairs grouped in a circle. SHAWN has his eyes closed and hands to his temples.
SHAWN:
Wait. I'm definitely getting something. Oh, this is good. It's a... it's a...it's a transient location, uh, where people can come and go anonymously, paying in cash. And... and it's remote, so they can print large sums of money on a noisy printer without being heard.
LINDSAY:
(closes her eyes) Yes... yes, I'm getting that same thing.
SHAWN:
(opens eyes and leans forward) Yes.
LINDSAY:
And I see it.
SHAWN:
Yes?
LINDSAY:
It's by a body of water.
SHAWN:
(disappointed) Really? It's by a body of water? Leikin, that's amateur stuff. You know what? I might expect that from John Edwards, definitely from Miss Cleo, but not from you, Leikin.
LINDSAY:
Wait. I'm also...I'm also getting something in French. A sign, maybe? Could it be a European hotel?
GUS:
Wait a minute. She may be on to something. I know this particular hotel. It's on my sales route, on a private beach.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
It's just... That's strange. I'm... I'm pretty familiar with your route, Gus. I don't recall any private beaches with hotels on them.
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Where was it you went last summer for the Pips autograph signing convention?
LINDSAY:
You met Gladys Knight?
GUS:
No.
SHAWN:
Just the Pips. (grins)
GUS:
Actually, a Pip. The other two got stuck in traffic. Look, I don't wanna talk about it. The point is, it's been under construction for months. Which would account for the noise. And it caters to Europeans. This could be the place.
SHAWN:
Sweet. We totally scored. But you couldn't have got that without my transient location thing, am I right?
LINDSAY has the pineapple upside-down cake on a plate and takes a bite with a fork. She gags and spits it out.
LINDSAY:
I don't... I don't think that cake is cooked.
INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, NIGHT
The seven investigators approach the reception desk. LASSITER and EWING talk at the same time to the CLERK.
EWING:
I need to know every guest who’s paid in cash in the last week.
LASSITER:
Listen, pal, I need a list of every guest in the hotel.
CLERK:
(British accent) I'm sorry, who are you, and what do you want?
EWING:
(shows badge) Special Agent Lars Ewing. Federal Treasury Department.
LASSITER:
(shows badge) Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, Santa Barbara Police Department.
EWING:
Presidential Recommendation for Distinguished Service.
LASSITER:
Presidential Physical Fitness award. Eighth, ninth, and tenth grade. And I've got a cocktail napkin from Air Force One.
EWING:
I personally arrested Ivan Boesky.
LASSITER:
I wrestled in high school.
EWING:
What? With your conscience?
LASSITER:
(starts to take off jacket) That is it!
LINDSAY holds back EWING as VICK puts a hand on LASSITER’S arm.
VICK:
Relax.
JULIET:
Oh, oh, oh. Hey. Hey! Hey! (stands between EWING and LASSITER)(to CLERK) Look, we need to know who's paid with cash or travelers checks recently.
LASSITER straightens his jacket.
EWING:
(leans over and whispers to JULIET) My God, you're a firecracker.
CLERK:
It would probably be easier to ask who didn't.
JULIET:
I'm sorry?
CLERK:
This is a hotel. We're a cash business, lots of European travelers. Well, with what foreign credit card companies charge these days, cash is king.
SHAWN bends over and sees a sign for the south tower - “Mezzanine to walkway”.
SHAWN:
The south tower, I see him. I see him in the south tower.
JULIET:
How many rooms in the south tower?
CLERK:
There are 170.
SHAWN walks over and rests his elbows on the counter, hands to his head.
LASSITER:
All right, let's start banging on some doors and call for backup. If we tap every available source of manpower, we can have this thing done 18, 19 hours tops.
EWING:
I can alert Washington right now and have an 80-man SWAT team on a C-130 Hercules. They could be here in less than three hours.
SHAWN:
Filthy sheets! I see dirty, filthy sheets.
LINDSAY:
Yes, and towels on the floor.
SHAWN:
And a mediocre, half-eaten turkey club sandwich. And he's refused maid service.
JULIET:
Okay, what guest refused maid service?
CLERK:
I might remind you we do cater to a very European crowd.
SHAWN:
He's isolated. He's in a less-desirable room that's not facing the ocean. Do you have any rooms that face the parking lot?
CLERK:
A few.
SHAWN:
He's in one of those.
CLERK:
Well, let's see. (goes through computer)
SHAWN takes a hard candy from the bowl on the counter and tosses it to GUS who puts it in his shirt pocket.
CLERK:
French woman. Another French party. Here, here's a single gentleman, paid all in cash, corner room facing the alley, and according to this, he's never taken his "do not disturb" sign off his door.
SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
EWING:
(slaps counter) Room number.
LASSITER:
(slaps counter) Key!
INT. HOTEL, ROOM, NIGHT
LASSITER enters the room first, gun drawn. He is closely followed by EWING who also has his gun out.
BOTH:
Clear!
They glare at each other before lowering their weapons. The others enter.
EWING:
Nice job, psychics, let's get to work.
JULIET takes notice of the stacked washer and dryer against the wall.
JULIET:
(to VICK) That's a really cute front-loader.
EWING:
Thank you. He prints the money, then he washes it here to soften it. Then he tumbles it dry and beats it up with stones to give it that... natural, worn texture.
SHAWN looks into the open closet and sees a wrapper for linen paper containing 500 sheets.
SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) Dude, there's linen fibers in that paper. What was he doing, amending the Constitution?
GUS:
(whispers) You can't print money on regular paper, Shawn. That's government-issue.
LINDSAY:
I'm getting a visual. He printed a batch of about 50.000, which will last him a while.
EWING:
(stands by copier) Five bills a sheet, at least 80 sheets missing from this ream that sounds about right.
SHAWN:
Wait. No, I'm getting more. I'm getting a lot more, like 500.000, which would last more than just a while. Maybe... maybe a whole lifetime.
LINDSAY:
That's not possible.
SHAWN:
It is if you live in one of the Baltic states.
LINDSAY:
I'm just not getting that feeling, at all. Anything over 50,000 is just getting blocked from my receptors. Not a chance.
SHAWN:
Receptors? Really?
SHAWN raises his right hand and acts as if he has no control over it. He backs up to the closet and reaches over his head for the paper wrapper he had seen earlier. He grabs it with subtle nods from GUS directing him. He pulls it down and EWING comes over and takes it from his hand. LASSITER finds something interesting on one of the tables.
EWING:
This would do it. This is a 500-sheet ream, and it's likely he used it all.
SHAWN gasps and holds his arm like it hurts after being “possessed”.
LASSITER:
Is this a Treasury seal?
EWING walks over to LASSITER, shoving the paper at VICK as he passes her. He picks up the object in question with his bare hands. With attention focused elsewhere, SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
EWING:
No, passport seal.
SHAWN:
Uh, this guy's officially on the lam. We don't catch him now, we can kiss him good-bye.
INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, NIGHT
The seven investigators arrive back at the lobby via the stairs.
LASSITER:
The railway stations, obviously the airport security has been notified, and all the interstate agencies are on alert.
JULIET:
They've all been given the sketch based on Ms. Leikin's description of the suspect.
VICK:
Okay, but please keep your phones on just in case we get any movement.
GUS:
What's the point? Nobody ever bothers to call us anymore.
EWING, VICK, LASSITER and JULIET leave the building. LINDSAY turns and walks back to SHAWN and GUS.
LINDSAY:
Shawn, I don't do this much, but I just wanted to say thank you. I know we haven't nailed him yet, but you were right, we make a good team.
SHAWN:
Yes, we do. And hopefully tomorrow we'll wrap this thing up. (holds out his hand) Have a good night.
LINDSAY shakes SHAWN’S hand. GUS holds out his but she turns and walks away.
SHAWN:
Wait for it. Wait for it.
LINDSAY stops, hand on the door, and turns around and walks back.
LINDSAY:
Shawn, I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere now. Maybe continue working to see if we can't stumble upon some collective apparition.
SHAWN:
That's a fantastic idea. I love it, but where could we go at this hour that's still open? You know what, I think there's a Color Me Mine that stays open late.
LINDSAY:
You don't quit with the jokes, do you?
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, would you like me to stop?
LINDSAY:
Not yet. I kinda like it. But actually, I was thinking back to my hotel room?
SHAWN:
Wow. Uh, well, you know. It's…It’s something we could try. I mean, it's not as much fun as making ashtrays with our names on them, but... Yeah. I'm a flexible guy, a sportsman.
LINDSAY:
Good. All right, I'll head back to freshen up. What do you say we meet at 2200 hours?
SHAWN:
Perfect. Oh, I'm so rude. Gus, buddy, would you like to join us?
GUS:
Well, I probably should...
SHAWN:
That sucks. So, 2200 on the dot. I'll be there. (LINDSAY leaves)(whispers to GUS) Dude, what time is 2200 hours? (GUS walks away) Gus. Buddy, help me out. (follows GUS) What is it? Is it, like, 11:00 times two? Buddy!
EXT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL, NIGHT
Light plays on the water in the fountain in front of the hotel. Spandau Ballet’s “True” plays.
INT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL ROOM, NIGHT
“True” continues to play. SHAWN and LINDSAY are sitting on a sofa facing each other. SHAWN is hugging a pillow.
LINDSAY:
So, tell me, Shawn. Are you planning on doing psychic police work forever?
SHAWN:
No. No, just until I find the girl of my dreams. And then I'll whisk her off to Carmel, open a small haberdashery. Do some macramé, maybe. Maybe blow some glass.
LINDSAY:
Hmm. Well, as hot as that sounds, I think the psychic world would miss your talents. Just make sure they appreciate you. After a while, the world tends to take people with our abilities for granted.
SHAWN:
Well, that's awfully easy for you to say. I mean, you've already met your special someone... Your handsome prince. You're serious with somebody, remember?
LINDSAY:
Uh, actually, I recently had a change of heart.
SHAWN:
Really? Would a… Would a certain psychic have anything to do with that?
LINDSAY:
Well, we do have quite a connection.
SHAWN:
We do. It's... It's like our minds are just fused together, you know? I feel like Holly Hunter in Broadcast News, you know, when she's inside William Hurt's head?
LINDSAY:
Okay, let's try it.
They lean closer together and SHAWN moves the pillow aside.
LINDSAY:
I'm thinking of something.
SHAWN:
None. They don't bury the survivors.
LINDSAY:
Yes, exactly.
SHAWN:
You have a favorite color, and I'm seeing... sea foam green.
LINDSAY:
Actually, it's blue, but that is so near the green family.
SHAWN:
Pick a number between one and ten.
LINDSAY:
Eight.
SHAWN:
That's close enough.
They start kissing.
SHAWN:
You totally wanted me to do that.
LINDSAY:
You totally read my mind.
The music swells and they relocate to the bed.
INT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL ROOM, DAY
SHAWN wakes up alone in bed. He looks around the room
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS is heading for the car, talking on his cell.
GUS:
Whoa, slow down. What do you mean she took off... when?
SHAWN:
(closes desk drawer) You know, I don't know when. She tricked me, okay? She clearly wants to take all the credit for herself. Look, just... just meet me over here. (checks receipts for a clue as the phone beeps) Oh, that's Lassie on the other line. I gotta take it.
GUS:
You're dropping me for Lassiter?
SHAWN:
And hurry up!
INT. WAREHOUSE, DAY
LASSITER stands next to SHAWN and GUS.
SHAWN:
You wait till now to call us?
LASSITER:
I called you as soon as I heard. Do you think I want Junior G-man here to beat me to the punch?
The body of a man lies on the floor, gunshot wound in his chest. VICK, JULIET, LINDSAY and EWING are also there.
EWING:
Thank you. Well, it's affirmative. Our counterfeiter. Shot with his own gun. There’s signs of a struggle. Checks out as Steven J. Grabinski. His only priors are a couple counts of petty theft and small-time fraud in Washington.
SHAWN looks at the body and sees the scar and earring that LINDSAY had described earlier.
SHAWN:
Damn, she's good.
LINDSAY kneels beside the body and moves her hands along the body, touching it when she reaches the chest.
LASSITER:
Whoa! Touchy! I don't know how you do it in Washington, but here, we don't disturb the body till forensics has a chance to come in, collect some evidence.
VICK:
Lassiter, ease up. We're lucky if our psychic doesn't lick the body. Well, I guess congratulations are in order. We have to hand it to our federal agents here. Though we would have preferred to bring him in and charge him, this case looks pretty much wrapped up.
EWING:
There's no need to congratulate us for doing what is our job. We don't ask for commendation for what is merely our proud honor of servitude to our country. Perhaps just a small hug.
VICK ushers JULIET out of the room.
EWING:
Just an itty-bitty one. I'm serious. Too much? (follows others)
SHAWN and LINDSAY are alone – aside from the forensics team.
SHAWN:
So how'd you sleep? Well, I guess I was right about one thing. It turned out to be a pretty good week for you.
SHAWN walks out and LINDSAY follows.
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
HENRY is seated at the table and takes a bite of the small pineapple upside-down cake. SHAWN is air-drumming with utensils.
HENRY:
Look, I'm sorry, Shawn. I don't know what you want me to say to you.
SHAWN:
I don't know either.
HENRY:
You lost a case. You lose. She's on the winning side, you're on the losing side. She's the winner, you're the loser.
SHAWN:
You know, Dad, had I made a list of things I did want to hear, that wouldn't even have made the top eight.
HENRY:
Something is really off with this cake. (spits the cake out) But, Shawn, you want my advice? (SHAWN shakes his head) I think you should quit.
SHAWN:
What?
HENRY:
You should quit. That's what you do. When things get tough, somebody's better than you, you quit.
SHAWN:
Where is this even coming from?
HENRY:
Oh, come on, Shawn, I've got 80 examples sitting on the tip of my tongue. Eighth grade you quit the bassoon when Bobby Nowocinski beat you out for the solo in the winter festival.
SHAWN:
Let me get this straight. You have an example from eighth grade sitting on the tip of your tongue?
HENRY:
Shawn, the point is, a year from now, you won't even be working for the Santa Barbara Police Department.
SHAWN:
You don't know that.
HENRY:
All right, look, Shawn, (stands) now I'm gonna tell you something that you do want to hear. (puts his hands on SHAWN’S shoulders) I accept you for who you are. (cups his face before dropping hands)
SHAWN:
Is that a fact?
HENRY:
That is a fact. You don't have to prove anything to me. I'm gonna let you off the hook. Now, how's that feel? Better? Now you can go ahead, and you can quit this too.
EXT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are walking along the beachfront path on the way to the office. SHAWN is holding a mini pineapple upside-down cake in his hand.
SHAWN:
First of all... and I think I can say this now with a fair amount of certainty... there's definitely something not right about this cake.
They turn and head for the office.
GUS:
Maybe because it was baked with a child's oven.
SHAWN:
We're talking about a deluxe Easy-Bake Oven, Gus. I paid over $300 for it on eBay. This is hardly a toy.
GUS:
Okay, I didn't major in psychology, but I'm gonna guess this doesn't have anything to do with the cake.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry. It's got nothing to do with you or me or my dad or the cake. It's got a little something to do with the cake. But it's mostly about Lindsay showing us up on this case. She's either a crazy-good psychic, or she's just a better detective than me.
GUS:
Hey, I thought you had her back at the hotel when you surprised her with that $500.000 thing.
SHAWN flashes back to the moment when he announced the amount of money he believed had been printed and the look on LINDSAY’S face.
SHAWN:
I did have her. I totally had her. Come on!
SHAWN throws the cake away as he and GUS run to the Echo.
INT. HOTEL, MILDRED’S ROOM, DAY
MILDRED is packing her suitcase.
SHAWN:
Mildred, you kept a record of everything that was said in this investigation. Am I right?
MILDRED:
If someone as little as burped, I got it down.
GUS:
There's a symbol for burp?
SHAWN:
Terrific. I need you to clarify something for me. Two days ago, in the morning, outside the Home Depot center. Ewing and Leikin making small talk. Can you read that back?
MILDRED:
(digs transcript out of suitcase) What was that, 0700 hours?
SHAWN:
No, no, it was 7:00 a. m.
GUS hits SHAWN with his arm.
MILDRED:
Here's something. "EWING: Do you know of a good chocolatier? “Leikin: I had someone in Seattle, specialized in hazelnut praline stuff... very good."
SHAWN:
It was just after that.
MILDRED:
Something about the dye used in public swimming pools to identify urine?
SHAWN:
Nope.
MILDRED:
The musical Wicked?
SHAWN:
No.
MILDRED:
Something about coffee?
SHAWN:
Yes! That's it. Mildred, could you read the coffee thing?
As MILDRED reads, SHAWN remembers that morning.
EXT. SHOPPING PLAZA, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY walk in front of the Santa Barbara crew.
MILDRED: (v.o.)
"EWING: You breached protocol, Leikin. I waited for you outside the hotel, 0630, but you weren't there." "Yeah, sorry, I got up early and went to grab coffee."
INT. HOTEL, MILDRED’S ROOM, DAY
SHAWN:
Mildred, where are Ewing and Leikin now?
MILDRED:
Where I'm supposed to be, catching a chartered flight back to Washington. I'm late.
MILDRED packs the transcript back in her suitcase. GUS scribbles on a notepad.
SHAWN:
Not a problem. We'll give you a ride. We happen to be headed that way.
MILDRED:
That's great.
GUS:
Mildred, here. Say this. (hands MILDRED the pad)
MILDRED:
“Shotgun”.
GUS:
(looks at SHAWN) Tough luck, buddy. (makes a dash for the door)
EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY stand by the open door of a private jet. VICK, LASSITER and JULIET are there to say goodbye.
EWING:
Well, folks, you all did a nice job on this investigation. (shakes LASSITER’S hand)(to JULIET) So, uh, you have a MySpace page or something?
LINDSAY heads for the steps just as SHAWN and GUS come running up.
SHAWN:
Whoa! Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. (out of breath) I just wanted to make sure I had an opportunity to congratulate you, you know, personally.
LINDSAY:
Thank you. It's not necessary.
SHAWN:
No, no, no, it is necessary. You did it. You cracked it. I mean, you deserve all the credit. You're amazing. She's an amazing person.
LINDSAY:
Look, Shawn, don't feel too bad. There'll be other cases. (takes her carry-on and walks to the steps)
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. But not for you. You see, it all started when you identified the scar on the jaw line of our counterfeiter, along with his little diamond-stud earring. I mean, I couldn't even draw a hair color. So there's no way that you could do that unless... Unless you'd already seen him before.
LINDSAY:
This is ridiculous.
SHAWN:
Is it? It's not like I'm wearing a giant moose costume. I had a vision you were drinking coffee.
LINDSAY:
Oh, congratulations.
SHAWN:
But not at the hotel. (remembers the receipt from the hotel room) You were driving past one Starbucks, two Starbucks, 17 Starbucks, and ended up all the way in Goleta. On the very same day that Grabinski's Lamborghini was spotted just outside of town in...Anybody? (LASSITER raises his hand) Special?
EWING:
Goleta. (snaps fingers)
SHAWN:
That's right. Goleta. The two of you were partners and you were in touch the whole time. What's more, they were lovers in the night.
MILDRED arrives and sets up her stenograph.
SHAWN:
I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with somebody in the span of five minutes. (flashes back to EWING telling them about how close LINDSAY came to catching the suspect) That's when you met him. You didn't miss him. She had him. She had your bad boy red-handed. Suddenly you were much more interested in combining forces and making a whole lot of money. And it was going well. It was going very well... Until you blew it. You know which moment I'm talking about, right? The one in the hotel room. When you realized he had printed way more than the 50,000 that you'd planned. And the passport? So you called him that morning, you met him at the warehouse. It was you who struggled with him. And it was you who shot him dead. Only then, having your vision that miraculously led everyone here to the crime scene.
LINDSAY:
Oh, come on. I mean, I've seen poor losers before, but this is just sad.
SHAWN:
Your DNA was all over him. But you covered your tracks by touching the body in front of everybody before forensics had a chance to come in and brush it. Or comb it. Braid it. Maybe put it in pigtails.
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
That only leaves one outstanding issue. And that is, where's the rest of the money? Wait a minute. What's happening? (starts acting like his body is spontaneously doing martial arts) What's happening to me? I've heard about this. It's called spontaneous psychic krobmuga. (makes karate sounds and kicks over her carry-on) Oh, my, it's the bag. Something's in the bag! It's bad. It's very bad. And it could be embarrassing.
EWING walks over and takes the bag. He unzips it to reveal the money.
LINDSAY:
(sighs) Well, you were wrong about one thing, Shawn. I didn't sleep with you because you were my enemy. I did it because I really thought we had something.
Everyone raises eyebrows at that revelation.
SHAWN:
Okay. First of all, a little discretion would be nice, all right? I mean, these are...These are my co-workers. And secondly, anything we had, you ruined, because you betrayed your gift, Leikin. You give a bad name to psychics like me who pride themselves on the purity of that gift. There are so many people out there who already doubt what we do. Now you've given 'em all a reason to think that we're fakes. You sicken me...I'm sickened. I mean, sure, I'm still wildly attracted to you on the physical level, but, spiritually and psychically, you're dead to me.
LINDSAY pulls a gun from her purse and pulls SHAWN in front of her as a shield.
JULIET:
Gun!
LASSITER pulls out his gun.
LINDSAY:
I'm taking him and I'm taking the plane.
JULIET pulls her gun. MILDRED pushes her wheeled stenograph at LINDSAY, giving SHAWN a chance to get out of the way. EWING wrestles LINDSAY to the ground in what could be mistaken as a compromising position under other circumstances.
EWING:
This is not what it looks like.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is at her desk finishing the paperwork for the case.
VICK:
(walks over) Okay, they're just processing Ms. Leikin's arrest before we put her back on a plane to Washington. It'd be great if you guys could give me this paperwork as soon as possible.
JULIET:
Got it.
VICK walks away and JULIET looks down the hall. Some low seductive R&B begins to play (think Barry White) as EWING emerges from around the corner, shirtless. He still wears his shoulder holster and carries a white dress shirt in his hand. JULIET gasps as he walks towards her. Her vision becomes misty as imagination takes over. The music stops abruptly as he arrives in front of her desk.
EWING:
Lassiter spilled a cup of coffee on me and right before I was supposed to get on the plane. Thankfully I keep an extra crisp, white shirt on me. Government issue, folds up to the size of my wallet. Fits in my back pocket. Gotta love those boys in the Gadget Tech Department.
JULIET:
Hmm.
EWING walks away and JULIET releases the breath she was holding as she watches him disappear.
INT. VICE PRINCIPAL’S OFFICE, DAY
The Vice Principal, PETLIC, is sitting behind his desk as SHAWN and HENRY – in uniform – face him.
HENRY:
Look I'm telling you, my son Shawn did not have a permission to go on that field trip.
PETLIC:
Well, he did turn in his permission slip signed by you. (shows HENRY the form)
HENRY:
(looks at form) Signature's a forgery. It's a fake.
PETLIC:
Well, that's a little dramatic, don't you think, Mr. Spencer?
HENRY:
Look, this form is a counterfeit. These are serious charges, and my son needs to be punished.
PETLIC:
(pulls out other forms and places them on the desk) Mr. Spencer, all three are permission slips also signed by you.
HENRY:
(picks up the forms) Yes. Yep. Yes. Yes. (puts the forms back on the desk) Those...those are my signatures.
PETLIC:
Well, you see, then? I'd be hard-pressed to believe that a child of Shawn's age could be capable of such detailed forgery.
HENRY:
Well, you don't know my son. No offense, but you are the vice principal of a middle school, not a handwriting expert. That testimony's not gonna hold up in court.
PETLIC:
Well, we're not talking court. Are we? You know, 'cause if we were, you should know that I did take a handwriting personality course at the Learning Annex last summer, and I can tell by the way you, uh, turn your “N” humps, that you have a very open and childlike kindness about you. (SHAWN snickers) I could be off on that. You know, it... it was a one-night seminar.
HENRY:
Okay, now, as a sergeant with the Santa Barbara Police Department, let me tell you what I know. See the pen lift on the “R” there? The bleed mark,that shows hesitation, as if thinking, "Gee, how do I form that next letter?" Now I don't know about you, but I don't have to think about how to sign my own damn name. So you're wrong.
SHAWN:
Really? I don't know, Dad. I think Mr. Petlic has a point. They look pretty identical to me.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the station and turn the hall. Up ahead they see a man sitting and tying his shoes. They can only see his legs and hands.
SHAWN:
Hey, check it out. There's Lassiter. Make a loop like a bunny's ear, wrap it around, careful as you steer. (claps) That's a good boy, Lassie. (the man stands) Wait a minute. You're not Lassie.
The MAN is wearing a black suit and has a visitor pass clipped to his upper-pocket.
MAN:
Well, I don't know what a Lassie is, but I'm not it. I'm Special Agent Lars Ewing with the FTD.
SHAWN:
You're a special florist?
EWING:
(holds up badge) Federal Treasury Department.
SHAWN:
We have a department that deals exclusively with treasures?
EWING:
(taps buttons on watch) If you'll excuse me, I have a meeting in an Interim Chief Vick's office. (tries to walk past SHAWN and GUS)
SHAWN:
That's where our meeting is! This is very exciting. I feel nervous. Is that what you're wearing?
EWING:
This goes against every federal bone in my body, but who are you guys?
SHAWN:
I'm not familiar with the federal bone. Is that connected to the hip bone or the knee bone?
EWING:
(leans forward towards SHAWN) Well, I can tell you what the knee bone is gonna connect with if you don't get out of my way.
GUS:
I'm gonna guess, not the funny bone?
SHAWN laughs mockingly as EWING brushes past.
SHAWN:
Wow.
GUS:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
This meeting is bigger than we thought.
They continue towards VICK’S office. SHAWN sees a WOMAN sitting on bench making a phone call.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. (stops) Get us some seats close to the desk, but not on the side. I'll catch up in a second.
GUS continues on and SHAWN walks past the WOMAN before doubling back to stand in front of her.
SHAWN:
Waiting for Godot? Guffman. Waiting to Exhale?
WOMAN:
(puts phone in purse) I'm not waiting to exhale.
SHAWN:
(holds out hand) Shawn Spencer.
WOMAN:
(stands and shakes his hand) Lindsay Leikin.
SHAWN:
I'm the head psychic in the department. This is sort of my joint.
LINDSAY:
They, um, hire psychics around here?
SHAWN focuses on LINDSAY’S fingertips.
LINDSAY:
Personally, I'm a little bit skeptical.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. (holds hands up to head) I was just getting a very strong vibration. Did you... did you just recently take up the guitar?
LINDSAY:
Oh, my God. Yes, just recently. Very impressive. How did you do that?
SHAWN:
Sometimes there's just this amazingly strong connection from the word go. I'm getting something else. This is gonna be a very, very good week for you, Lindsay Leikin.
LINDSAY:
Really? I didn't think...
SHAWN:
Just let it happen. (walks away)
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN enters the office as VICK welcomes EWING. LASSITER, JULIET and GUS are already there.
VICK:
So let me officially welcome you to Santa Barbara. We are all ready and willing to...
SHAWN:
Don't let me interrupt. Please continue. (to GUS) What'd I say about seats on the side?
VICK:
Mr. Spencer, this is Special Agent Ewing from the Treasury Department in Washington.
SHAWN:
Yes, we sniffed one another in the hallway.
SHAWN looks over at EWING and makes an upward motion with his left hand. EWING looks down to check his fly. He glares over at SHAWN when he realizes he’s been played.
VICK:
He is here because they have been tracking an aggressive forger who's been counterfeiting large numbers of $100 bills and then laundering the money into small communities across the country.
EWING:
The last being a Home Depot right here in the heart of your little hamlet.
LASSITER:
Well, we are raring to help you with this federal bust.
EWING:
Who is this?
VICK:
This is Carlton Lassiter, our head detective, and his junior partner, Juliet O'Hara.
EWING:
Ah, the name Juliet. "How silver-sweet sound lovers' tongues by night." Shakespeare. Romeo and Juliet.
SHAWN:
"Tootie, you in trouble." It's Mindy Cohn. Facts of Life?
EWING:
(takes device out of inner jacket pocket, turns it on and places it on the desk) Could you gentlemen please state your name once again? And please speak clearly.
LASSITER:
Is that a recording device? Government issued?
EWING:
Asking if that is a recording device is like asking if this (holds out pen) is a pen.
LASSITER:
Is it a pen?
EWING:
That's classified. (winks at JULIET)
GUS:
(to SHAWN) It's tiny. Probably can't hold much.
EWING:
Oh, that's not a tape recorder. That is a high-tech microphone system attached to a Mildred.
JULIET:
A Mildred? What's... what's a Mildred?
LASSITER:
I believe it's an intelligence-gathering device. "Mildred" is probably an anagram. Military Intel Listening Device Recorder... something.
EWING:
Mildred is not a device. She's my stenographer. (steps to the side to reveal an older woman sitting at a stenograph)
GUS:
You have your own stenographer?
EWING:
I am hyper-careful. Can't take any chances. Saved my behind more than once in making cases stick past deposition.
LASSITER:
Brilliant. Chief?
VICK:
Not happening. Now what I need from all of you is your full cooperation in assisting Special Agent Ewing in any way he sees fit. Now, any questions?
SHAWN:
(raises his hand) I have a question for Special.
EWING:
(irritated) Who is this?
VICK:
I'm sorry. This is Shawn Spencer. And his partner, Burton Guster. Mr. Spencer is a psychic with the department who I thought might be helpful.
EWING:
Well, next time I have to go on a panty raid, I'll give him a call.
LASSITER laughs.
EWING:
But we already have our own psychic. She's just started in the department and she is already a superstar. Got us so close to the counterfeiter a month ago in Wilmette, Illinois. We must have missed him by only a few minutes.
LINDSAY enters the office.
EWING:
Mr. Spencer, Lindsay...
SHAWN:
Leikin. We too met in the hallway.
VICK:
Okay, then let's adjourn this meeting. I know Special Agent Ewing has prepared informational packets for all of you. We will meet at the Home Depot tomorrow.
EWING:
Let's say... (checks watch) 0700 hours.
SHAWN:
700 hours is almost 20 days. Shouldn't we act sooner?
JULIET:
0700 is 7:00 a. m.
EWING:
Precisely, Detective. Striking and whip-smart. Intriguing.
LASSITER:
I knew that too.
EWING:
(to JULIET) You have Pennsylvania Ave. running through your veins. Ever consider taking the Bureau exam?
JULIET looks over at VICK and turns to walk out of the office, away from the flirting EWING. EWING follows as LASSITER tags along.
LASSITER:
I have.
VICK:
Let me set up that conference area for you. Right this way. (leaves the office)
SHAWN:
(crosses arms) Little skeptical of psychics, are we?
LINDSAY:
I should have said "just you”. And don't think I didn't pick up on that “calluses on my hands” guitar clue. Good one. This is gonna be good. I'm gonna solve this case, and I'm gonna prove you're a fake. Fun, right? (leaves)
SHAWN:
Hmm.
PSYCH
“Psy vs. Psy”
By
Andy Berman
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Mel Damski
**********************************************************************
EXT. SHOPPING PLAZA, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY walk in front of the Santa Barbara crew.
VICK:
Okay, you are all instructed to cooperate fully with the federal agents. I'll be damned if we're gonna get shown up on our own turf. They may be the feds, but we are a team and this is our town. They will need us.
EWING:
You breached protocol, Leikin. I waited outside the hotel, 0630. You weren't there.
LINDSAY:
Yeah, sorry, I got up early and went to go get coffee.
SHAWN walks behind them, listening.
INT. HOME DEPOT, CHECKOUT, DAY
EWING is interrogating the cashier.
EWING:
Son, let me ask you a question. What made you think those $100 bills were authentic?
CASHIER:
Um, 'cause they said "100" on them?
EWING:
Are you an idiot? Don't answer that. If I plopped a Granny Smith apple down on this counter and carved a "100" on it, would you accept that as legal tender? Don't answer that. Do you know what microprinting is?
CASHIER:
I'm confused. Should I answer that?
LASSITER:
(raises hand) I know what it is.
EWING:
The introduction of microprinting as an anti-replicant feature began in 1990 with the addition (shows a $100 bill in his billfold) of the words "United States of America" printed around Ben Franklin's lapel. In addition, the words "U.S. 100" are printed within the lines of the lower left 100.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, is it just me, or is this unbearably boring? I don't know how Ms. Leikin works, but Gus and I are going to investigate the body of the store and search for our culprit's twisted, wretched, filthy aura, because that is what serious psychics do.
>>>LATER>>>
INT. HOME DEPOT, FLOOR, DAY
A forklift beeps as it rises above some shelving. On it, SHAWN stands to get a better view of the store.
GUS:
(sees SHAWN) Shawn, what are you doing?
HENRY is shopping. He hears GUS and looks up.
HENRY:
Shawn?
SHAWN:
Dad. Wow, you look so tiny down there.
HENRY:
What the hell are you doing up there?
SHAWN:
What does it look like I'm doing? We're making a case, a federal one.
HENRY:
Oh, of course you are. Well, when you've finished wrapping things up for the Pentagon, I want you at my house. I got a project for you.
SHAWN:
Afraid we're gonna be a little busy having our pictures taken with the President of the United States of America.
HENRY:
Mm, oh, I think you'll be there. You owe me.
SHAWN:
I owe you?
HENRY:
Yeah, for the last 12 times I helped you solve one of your little cases. You agreed.
SHAWN:
Gus, did I agree to that?
GUS:
Well, technically...
HENRY:
Gus!
GUS:
I think you did. (walks away)
HENRY:
See ya. (leaves)
SHAWN sees the security cameras.
INT. HOME DEPOT, SECURITY OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the security office. SHAWN knocks on the door and the heavyset GUARD turns away from the bank of monitors to face them.
GUARD:
Excuse me. Can I help you guys?
SHAWN:
Hello, Garrison. We're working on the counterfeiting case, and we need to see all of yesterday's security footage.
We see GARRISON’S name badge.
GARRISON:
How do you know my name's Garrison?
SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) And you thought this was gonna be a problem? (normal voice) I'm sorry, man. I... I didn't mean to freak you out. My name is Shawn Spencer. I'm a psychic with the police department.
GARRISON:
There was already a psychic here last night. From Washington, no less. She looked at all the tapes and there was no positive ID.
SHAWN:
She already came here, huh?
GARRISON:
Mmm-hmm, and she's good. She also knew my name was Garrison.
SHAWN:
Uh, you mind if I take a peek anyway? I work a little differently than her. My process is a little more complex. I can sometimes pick up images that are underneath the epidermal layer.
SHAWN and GUS walk over to the computers and GARRISON swivels his chair back around to the monitors. GARRISON pulls up the moment that LINDSAY looked at.
GARRISON:
Here it is. This is the tape of the counterfeiter that she looked at last night. You know, honestly, if that pretty lady psychic couldn't pick up anything, I can't imagine you're gonna have much luck.
SHAWN zooms in on the car keys, registering the logo.
SHAWN:
You know what, you're probably right. We gave it a shot. Thanks, Garrison. (leaves)
GUS follows SHAWN out of the room.
INT. HOME DEPOT, CHECKOUT, DAY
EWING, LASSITER, JULET, VICK and LINDSAY are still with the CASHIER.
JULIET:
Tall? Short? Age? Race?
SHAWN and GUS arrive.
EWING:
Do you mean to tell me that the only thing you can remember clearly is that he was a man?
CASHIER:
And technically, I can't even be sure of that, now, can I?
As the CASHIER answers, EWING leans towards JULIET and sniffs her hair.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Wait. I'm getting something. He... did not wear corrective lenses.
LINDSAY rolls her eyes.
CASHIER:
Actually, that is true.
VICK:
Okay, well, that's something to go on. Good work, Mr. Spencer.
LASSITER:
Great, yes, we're looking for someone in Santa Barbara who does not wear glasses.
LINDSAY:
He... He had a small scar about three inches, on the jaw line, and he wore a single stud diamond in his left ear.
CASHIER:
Yes. And yes. She's exactly right. I can see that clearly now.
EWING:
That's why she's the best.
EWING heads for the door and, after a smirk in SHAWN’S direction, LINDSAY follows.
JULIET:
Tough break.
JULES follows LASSITER and VICK out the door.
SHAWN:
What? Jules?
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY
SHAWN, GUS and HENRY are looking at 2x4s resting on sawhorses. There are blueprints on top.
SHAWN:
Dad, I'm confused. There are plans for a wet bar.
HENRY:
Yeah, that's right, for entertaining.
SHAWN:
Right, but I don't see anywhere in the plans the portal into 1976.
HENRY:
Shawn, a wet bar happens to be a timeless home feature.
SHAWN:
Right, perfect for those warm summer evenings when Reggie Jackson and Dyan Cannon swing by for Harvey Wallbangers.
HENRY:
Shawn, are you gonna crack wise or are you gonna get to work?
SHAWN:
I feel like it should be noted that neither Gus nor myself are licensed plumbers.
HENRY:
Yes, I understand that, Shawn. I've already installed the sink. All you two have to do is connect the fittings.
SHAWN bends over and looks under the frame of the bar as HENRY walks away. SHAWN straightens up and rubs his hands together.
SHAWN:
All right, let's get to work. (goes behind bar)
GUS:
Seriously?
SHAWN:
This will be good.
GUS:
It will?
SHAWN:
Work is good, Gus. Work is glorious. It's the breath of life. (holds up a drill) What is this?
GUS:
It's a drill.
SHAWN:
Of course it is. Don't be ridiculous.
GUS:
You're still upset that Lindsay showed you up at the crime scene, aren't you?
SHAWN:
What is her trick?
GUS:
Maybe she's just more psychic-y than you. (walks to the center of the room)
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be ridiculous. There's no such thing as psychics.
GUS:
I don't know, Shawn. Even I've been getting a little bit of intuition lately. In fact, I'm getting something right now. (does an impression of SHAWN having a vision) Something very strong. She's... she's...better than you.
SHAWN:
You know, they say imitation is the greatest form of flattery, but that hurts. It hurts below the belt.
GUS:
Shawn, if you want to beat her, then we have to actually work the case. (walks back to the bar) Utilize my knowledge. You know I have a coin collection. I've studied tender from around the world. I have over 85 Buffalo nickels, Shawn. (puts hands on hips)
SHAWN:
Okay. First of all, and this is key, don't ever, under any circumstances, ever admit that to anyone outside of these walls. Secondly, I love utilizing your knowledge, Gus. I can't wait until we have the case of the missing thimble. But this case is not about counterfeiting. It's about me versus her. Ecks versus Sever. Joe versus the Volcano.
GUS:
Fine. Then let's get to it. What do you know?
SHAWN:
All right, this is what I got. He managed not to be identified on any of the security cameras, which means he's smart. Smart enough to stay ahead of the game.
GUS:
Which means changing up anything that could be linked or traced to him.
SHAWN:
Like his vehicle. His key. It was distinctively Nissan. Probably a Murano. Maybe a Sentra.
GUS:
So we go back and check the outdoor surveillance cameras from the store, and look for Nissans in the parking lot yesterday.
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I already tipped Lassiter off to that. The only one that didn't check out was a new one with no plates.
GUS:
Ewing's informational packet links this guy to over a dozen vehicles since he left Washington. His pattern's to spend six to eight days in a town before pricking up ears.
SHAWN:
You read Ewing's informational packet?
GUS:
Cover to cover.
SHAWN:
That's weird. I just read the cover. But I don't need to read the whole thing to know that that's his M.O. He's too smart to still be driving that car, Gus. He's gotta be switching out his mode of transportation on a daily basis.
GUS:
And paying cash.
SHAWN:
Gotta launder as much of that funny money as he can.
GUS:
So the question is, to which car dealership would a crook go to spend lots of cash without pricking up ears?
The drill whirrs in SHAWN’S hand.
INT. UPSCALE CAR DEALERSHIP, FLOOR, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the showroom
SHAWN:
This must be what Jay Leno feels like when he walks into his garage. Which makes you Kevin Eubanks.
GUS:
I don't think they roll around town together, Shawn. Can we talk to the owner?
SHAWN:
First we play customer. It's the people who groove on the floor that are gonna give us the scoop, Gus.
They approach a salesman talking to a woman with her back to them.
SHAWN:
Excuse me, my buddy here is interested in the banana yellow Ferrari, though he's neither gay nor European. I hope that's not a prob...
The woman turns around and it is LINDSAY.
LINDSAY:
Look who finally figured it out. A little late.
SHAWN and GUS look into the manager’s office to see VICK, JULIET, LASSITER and EWING.
GUS:
How did you not notice her, Shawn?
SHAWN:
I wasn't expecting her to be here.
GUS:
You were looking right at her.
SHAWN:
She's got me all out of whack.
GUS:
Get your head in the game.
VICK, JULIET and LASSITER approach SHAWN and GUS.
SHAWN:
So what's going on? No one calls us anymore. That's the new thing? I thought we were a team.
LASSITER:
Yeah, first of all, the whole "team" thing. She wasn't talking to you. And secondly, Ewing didn't call me. He called O'Hara.
SHAWN looks at JULIET as if to say “Oh, really?”
JULIET:
It's not like I asked him to.
SHAWN:
It's okay, Clarice. You don't have to make excuses to us.
JULIET:
It wasn't just today. My phone's been ringing all the time. I don't know how he got my home number. I mean, please. Do you think I wanted to pick up my phone at 2:00 a.m. and hear his voice all gravelly and masculine? (looks across the showroom floor at EWING) Probably called from the hotel. Maybe just got out of the shower or...finished with a swim. (gets a little carried away with her imagination) Dripping wet. (realizes and recovers her professionalism)
VICK:
Just catch Mr. Spencer and Mr. Guster up on what Ms. Leikin was able to figure out.
LASSITER:
Apparently our guy came in here, bought a used Lamborghini for $47,000 in cash.
JULIET:
Next day, he tries to return it. All sales are final, but the sales manager makes a concession, offering mere $26,000 in cash.
GUS:
He accepts it? What kind of idiot is this guy?
VICK:
A genius idiot, according to the Feds.
LASSITER:
You see, those familiar with this sort of thing know that it's the classic grift. Essentially, he traded 47 Gs of worthless paper for $26,000 in cold, hard cash. I've seen it before.
SHAWN:
Where? In a Mamet play?
GUS:
Any witnesses?
JULIET:
No, but a Lamborghini was spotted outside of town in Goleta, but it was moving too fast to make an ID. (crosses arms and looks over at EWING) You know, I don't think he's a swimmer. He's not really that build. I bet he plays rugby.
EWING and LINDSAY walk over to them.
LASSITER:
Hey, what color is that suit?
EWING:
Black.
LASSITER:
Really? It seems blacker than black.
EWING:
It's Washington black.
LASSITER turns to JULIET and mouths “Washington black”.
EWING:
Look, if anyone wants to join me, I'm gonna be taking a look at some of the bills from the safe that didn't get deposited.
EWING heads for the office and LASSITER follows eagerly. JULIET, VICK and GUS follow. SHAWN walks with LINDSAY.
SHAWN:
Look, Leikin, I think it's possible that we got off on the wrong foot.
LINDSAY:
Is that right?
SHAWN:
Yeah, I mean, this is silly. We should join forces like Pitt and Jolie, you know? Work together, make it nice for everyone.
LINDSAY:
I don't think you get it. I have nothing to gain here. If you haven't noticed, my job is safe. It's you I'm worried about, faker.
SHAWN:
In that case, maybe we should just date.
LINDSAY:
I'm seeing somebody.
SHAWN:
Well, is it…
LINDSAY:
Serious? Yes.
SHAWN:
You didn't know I was gonna...
LINDSAY:
Yes, I did. (turns on her heel and leaves)
INT. UPSCALE CAR DEALERSHIP, OFFICE, DAY
LINDSAY pushes past GUS to stand by EWING as he tests the bills. SHAWN enters and stands next to GUS.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Dude, don't you know the move where you take off your jacket and you lay it across some seats?
GUS:
(jabs SHAWN) Get your head in the game, Shawn.
SHAWN:
(pushes against LINDSAY) Uh, budgies?
LINDSAY shoves him back and he moves to her other side and leans in as EWING discusses his initial findings.
EWING:
These are good. (holds bill up to the light) But they're not great. You see how on this bill, the edge of the nose on Ben Franklin's cloudy?
SHAWN focuses in on one of the other bills in EWING’S hand and how the colors seem to shift.
EWING:
(speaks into microphone) Did you get that, Mildred?
Out on the showroom floor, MILDRED raises a hand, thumb up.
SHAWN:
(goes back to GUS) (whispers) Hey, is there any reason a $100 bill would change colors?
GUS:
(whispers) Actually, yes. It's an effect caused by color-shifting ink. It's only present in $100 bills. The changing color is called color diffraction. And it's made possible when light reflects off of metallic flakes added to the ink.
SHAWN makes a note of the serial number of the real bill.
SHAWN:
Good work, Gus.
GUS:
Thank you.
SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
VICK, LASSITER, JULIET, EWING and LINDSAY are sitting at the conference table.
VICK:
So we'll check the information that Ms. Leikin's gathered for us...
VICK stops when SHAWN and GUS enter and take seats at the table.
SHAWN:
Thank goodness! Finally, some nice seats, huh? This is what I'm talking about.
Everyone seems uncomfortable, refusing to look at SHAWN or GUS directly.
SHAWN:
What? Did I... did I just sit in something? (stands) Gus, do I have pudding on my jeans?
GUS:
(looks at SHAWN’S jeans) No, no.
SHAWN:
Nothing? (sits)
GUS:
Shawn. I think we're not welcomed here.
SHAWN:
Gus, don't be a paranoid schizophrenic. We're always welcome here.
GUS:
No, look.
SHAWN:
(SHAWN realizes no one will meet his gaze) Oh, my God. We're not welcome.
VICK:
It's nothing personal, Mr. Spencer. Special Agent Ewing just feels that Ms. Leiken has things covered on the psychic front, and I have to agree with him.
SHAWN:
Okay. I can take a hint. Certainly don't need to be told twice.
GUS:
I think you were just told three times.
SHAWN:
You know what, this is fine, because we had a good run. Thank you for the memories.
SHAWN and GUS stand and head for the door. SHAWN and stops and turns around.
SHAWN:
Oh, just one more thing. You might want to check the cash from the dealership, because it's not all counterfeit. (mock salutes and starts to walks away)
EWING:
(stands) That's ridiculous. (SHAWN stops) If I had learned how to laugh as a child, I would right now. I looked at all those bills myself. Do you really want to go against the leading special agent in counterfeiting with 14 years of experience under his belt and say that those bills weren't fake?
SHAWN:
Not all of them. Just one. And I believe the serial number was ALD97570807...7!
SHAWN and GUS walk away. EWING looks at the bills with a magnifying glass.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk away from the conference room.
GUS:
Where are we going? Shouldn't we have stayed until they checked the bills out?
SHAWN:
Wait for it. Wait for it…
LASSITER comes out of the conference room followed by the others.
LASSITER:
Spencer! Hold up.
JULIET:
The bill checked out. It's real.
EWING:
(stands in front of SHAWN and crosses arms) All right, answer me this, Mr. Psychic. Why would a counterfeiter ever use real bills?
SHAWN:
Because he had to. Man... I read your informational packet cover to cover. Our guy spends six to eight days in every city... we're only on day four. Quite simply, he ran out of dough. He didn't know what kind of deal he'd be able to make on the car. Turns out, short one bill.
GUS:
Lucky for us.
VICK:
So what's our next move?
EWING:
Well, I'll call Washington and begin...
VICK:
I'm sorry, I was asking Mr. Spencer.
SHAWN:
Oh... oh, you want to know what I think his next move is. Oh, Gus, look, she wants... Well, let's see here. He's gotta print more money. My guess is he, uh, set up shop here in town. So... we find his little nest, we find him.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
SHAWN is wearing a floral apron and holds a pink plastic device in his hand.
SHAWN:
Well, buddy, I really hope you like this. It took me 19 hours to bake. Put it in last night before bed.
GUS:
It takes 19 hours to bake a pineapple upside-down cake?
SHAWN:
(pulls a small cake from an Easy Bake oven) It does when it's being heated by a 60-watt bulb. (places the cake on GUS’ desk)
GUS:
It's not upside down, Shawn.
There’s a knock on the door.
GUS:
Who could that be at this hour?
LINDSAY appears in the doorway.
SHAWN:
Huh.
LINDSAY:
Are you gonna invite me in?
SHAWN looks over at GUS who grunts noncommittally.
SHAWN:
I don’t know. I guess.
GUS sits in his desk chair as LINDSAY enters the office.
LINDSAY:
So this is what a psychic detective office looks like. You know, I always imagined it... Does something smell like pineapple?
SHAWN:
Pineapple upside-down cake. Would you like some? Wait, before you answer that, are you a fan of delicious flavor?
LINDSAY:
All right, look. This isn't easy for me to say, but... I was wrong. You're better than I thought. Your discovery at the station today was a huge get. I think we should work together after all. The faster we find out where the counterfeiter's den is, the better. That is, if you guys are willing.
SHAWN:
Hmm.
GUS:
Hmm.
SHAWN:
Depends, don't you think, Gus?
>>>LATER>>>
SHAWN, GUS and LINDSAY are sitting in the leather chairs grouped in a circle. SHAWN has his eyes closed and hands to his temples.
SHAWN:
Wait. I'm definitely getting something. Oh, this is good. It's a... it's a...it's a transient location, uh, where people can come and go anonymously, paying in cash. And... and it's remote, so they can print large sums of money on a noisy printer without being heard.
LINDSAY:
(closes her eyes) Yes... yes, I'm getting that same thing.
SHAWN:
(opens eyes and leans forward) Yes.
LINDSAY:
And I see it.
SHAWN:
Yes?
LINDSAY:
It's by a body of water.
SHAWN:
(disappointed) Really? It's by a body of water? Leikin, that's amateur stuff. You know what? I might expect that from John Edwards, definitely from Miss Cleo, but not from you, Leikin.
LINDSAY:
Wait. I'm also...I'm also getting something in French. A sign, maybe? Could it be a European hotel?
GUS:
Wait a minute. She may be on to something. I know this particular hotel. It's on my sales route, on a private beach.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
It's just... That's strange. I'm... I'm pretty familiar with your route, Gus. I don't recall any private beaches with hotels on them.
GUS:
What are you talking about, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Where was it you went last summer for the Pips autograph signing convention?
LINDSAY:
You met Gladys Knight?
GUS:
No.
SHAWN:
Just the Pips. (grins)
GUS:
Actually, a Pip. The other two got stuck in traffic. Look, I don't wanna talk about it. The point is, it's been under construction for months. Which would account for the noise. And it caters to Europeans. This could be the place.
SHAWN:
Sweet. We totally scored. But you couldn't have got that without my transient location thing, am I right?
LINDSAY has the pineapple upside-down cake on a plate and takes a bite with a fork. She gags and spits it out.
LINDSAY:
I don't... I don't think that cake is cooked.
INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, NIGHT
The seven investigators approach the reception desk. LASSITER and EWING talk at the same time to the CLERK.
EWING:
I need to know every guest who’s paid in cash in the last week.
LASSITER:
Listen, pal, I need a list of every guest in the hotel.
CLERK:
(British accent) I'm sorry, who are you, and what do you want?
EWING:
(shows badge) Special Agent Lars Ewing. Federal Treasury Department.
LASSITER:
(shows badge) Head Detective Carlton Lassiter, Santa Barbara Police Department.
EWING:
Presidential Recommendation for Distinguished Service.
LASSITER:
Presidential Physical Fitness award. Eighth, ninth, and tenth grade. And I've got a cocktail napkin from Air Force One.
EWING:
I personally arrested Ivan Boesky.
LASSITER:
I wrestled in high school.
EWING:
What? With your conscience?
LASSITER:
(starts to take off jacket) That is it!
LINDSAY holds back EWING as VICK puts a hand on LASSITER’S arm.
VICK:
Relax.
JULIET:
Oh, oh, oh. Hey. Hey! Hey! (stands between EWING and LASSITER)(to CLERK) Look, we need to know who's paid with cash or travelers checks recently.
LASSITER straightens his jacket.
EWING:
(leans over and whispers to JULIET) My God, you're a firecracker.
CLERK:
It would probably be easier to ask who didn't.
JULIET:
I'm sorry?
CLERK:
This is a hotel. We're a cash business, lots of European travelers. Well, with what foreign credit card companies charge these days, cash is king.
SHAWN bends over and sees a sign for the south tower - “Mezzanine to walkway”.
SHAWN:
The south tower, I see him. I see him in the south tower.
JULIET:
How many rooms in the south tower?
CLERK:
There are 170.
SHAWN walks over and rests his elbows on the counter, hands to his head.
LASSITER:
All right, let's start banging on some doors and call for backup. If we tap every available source of manpower, we can have this thing done 18, 19 hours tops.
EWING:
I can alert Washington right now and have an 80-man SWAT team on a C-130 Hercules. They could be here in less than three hours.
SHAWN:
Filthy sheets! I see dirty, filthy sheets.
LINDSAY:
Yes, and towels on the floor.
SHAWN:
And a mediocre, half-eaten turkey club sandwich. And he's refused maid service.
JULIET:
Okay, what guest refused maid service?
CLERK:
I might remind you we do cater to a very European crowd.
SHAWN:
He's isolated. He's in a less-desirable room that's not facing the ocean. Do you have any rooms that face the parking lot?
CLERK:
A few.
SHAWN:
He's in one of those.
CLERK:
Well, let's see. (goes through computer)
SHAWN takes a hard candy from the bowl on the counter and tosses it to GUS who puts it in his shirt pocket.
CLERK:
French woman. Another French party. Here, here's a single gentleman, paid all in cash, corner room facing the alley, and according to this, he's never taken his "do not disturb" sign off his door.
SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
EWING:
(slaps counter) Room number.
LASSITER:
(slaps counter) Key!
INT. HOTEL, ROOM, NIGHT
LASSITER enters the room first, gun drawn. He is closely followed by EWING who also has his gun out.
BOTH:
Clear!
They glare at each other before lowering their weapons. The others enter.
EWING:
Nice job, psychics, let's get to work.
JULIET takes notice of the stacked washer and dryer against the wall.
JULIET:
(to VICK) That's a really cute front-loader.
EWING:
Thank you. He prints the money, then he washes it here to soften it. Then he tumbles it dry and beats it up with stones to give it that... natural, worn texture.
SHAWN looks into the open closet and sees a wrapper for linen paper containing 500 sheets.
SHAWN:
(whispers to GUS) Dude, there's linen fibers in that paper. What was he doing, amending the Constitution?
GUS:
(whispers) You can't print money on regular paper, Shawn. That's government-issue.
LINDSAY:
I'm getting a visual. He printed a batch of about 50.000, which will last him a while.
EWING:
(stands by copier) Five bills a sheet, at least 80 sheets missing from this ream that sounds about right.
SHAWN:
Wait. No, I'm getting more. I'm getting a lot more, like 500.000, which would last more than just a while. Maybe... maybe a whole lifetime.
LINDSAY:
That's not possible.
SHAWN:
It is if you live in one of the Baltic states.
LINDSAY:
I'm just not getting that feeling, at all. Anything over 50,000 is just getting blocked from my receptors. Not a chance.
SHAWN:
Receptors? Really?
SHAWN raises his right hand and acts as if he has no control over it. He backs up to the closet and reaches over his head for the paper wrapper he had seen earlier. He grabs it with subtle nods from GUS directing him. He pulls it down and EWING comes over and takes it from his hand. LASSITER finds something interesting on one of the tables.
EWING:
This would do it. This is a 500-sheet ream, and it's likely he used it all.
SHAWN gasps and holds his arm like it hurts after being “possessed”.
LASSITER:
Is this a Treasury seal?
EWING walks over to LASSITER, shoving the paper at VICK as he passes her. He picks up the object in question with his bare hands. With attention focused elsewhere, SHAWN and GUS fist bump.
EWING:
No, passport seal.
SHAWN:
Uh, this guy's officially on the lam. We don't catch him now, we can kiss him good-bye.
INT. HOTEL, LOBBY, NIGHT
The seven investigators arrive back at the lobby via the stairs.
LASSITER:
The railway stations, obviously the airport security has been notified, and all the interstate agencies are on alert.
JULIET:
They've all been given the sketch based on Ms. Leikin's description of the suspect.
VICK:
Okay, but please keep your phones on just in case we get any movement.
GUS:
What's the point? Nobody ever bothers to call us anymore.
EWING, VICK, LASSITER and JULIET leave the building. LINDSAY turns and walks back to SHAWN and GUS.
LINDSAY:
Shawn, I don't do this much, but I just wanted to say thank you. I know we haven't nailed him yet, but you were right, we make a good team.
SHAWN:
Yes, we do. And hopefully tomorrow we'll wrap this thing up. (holds out his hand) Have a good night.
LINDSAY shakes SHAWN’S hand. GUS holds out his but she turns and walks away.
SHAWN:
Wait for it. Wait for it.
LINDSAY stops, hand on the door, and turns around and walks back.
LINDSAY:
Shawn, I was thinking maybe we could go somewhere now. Maybe continue working to see if we can't stumble upon some collective apparition.
SHAWN:
That's a fantastic idea. I love it, but where could we go at this hour that's still open? You know what, I think there's a Color Me Mine that stays open late.
LINDSAY:
You don't quit with the jokes, do you?
SHAWN:
I'm sorry, would you like me to stop?
LINDSAY:
Not yet. I kinda like it. But actually, I was thinking back to my hotel room?
SHAWN:
Wow. Uh, well, you know. It's…It’s something we could try. I mean, it's not as much fun as making ashtrays with our names on them, but... Yeah. I'm a flexible guy, a sportsman.
LINDSAY:
Good. All right, I'll head back to freshen up. What do you say we meet at 2200 hours?
SHAWN:
Perfect. Oh, I'm so rude. Gus, buddy, would you like to join us?
GUS:
Well, I probably should...
SHAWN:
That sucks. So, 2200 on the dot. I'll be there. (LINDSAY leaves)(whispers to GUS) Dude, what time is 2200 hours? (GUS walks away) Gus. Buddy, help me out. (follows GUS) What is it? Is it, like, 11:00 times two? Buddy!
EXT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL, NIGHT
Light plays on the water in the fountain in front of the hotel. Spandau Ballet’s “True” plays.
INT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL ROOM, NIGHT
“True” continues to play. SHAWN and LINDSAY are sitting on a sofa facing each other. SHAWN is hugging a pillow.
LINDSAY:
So, tell me, Shawn. Are you planning on doing psychic police work forever?
SHAWN:
No. No, just until I find the girl of my dreams. And then I'll whisk her off to Carmel, open a small haberdashery. Do some macramé, maybe. Maybe blow some glass.
LINDSAY:
Hmm. Well, as hot as that sounds, I think the psychic world would miss your talents. Just make sure they appreciate you. After a while, the world tends to take people with our abilities for granted.
SHAWN:
Well, that's awfully easy for you to say. I mean, you've already met your special someone... Your handsome prince. You're serious with somebody, remember?
LINDSAY:
Uh, actually, I recently had a change of heart.
SHAWN:
Really? Would a… Would a certain psychic have anything to do with that?
LINDSAY:
Well, we do have quite a connection.
SHAWN:
We do. It's... It's like our minds are just fused together, you know? I feel like Holly Hunter in Broadcast News, you know, when she's inside William Hurt's head?
LINDSAY:
Okay, let's try it.
They lean closer together and SHAWN moves the pillow aside.
LINDSAY:
I'm thinking of something.
SHAWN:
None. They don't bury the survivors.
LINDSAY:
Yes, exactly.
SHAWN:
You have a favorite color, and I'm seeing... sea foam green.
LINDSAY:
Actually, it's blue, but that is so near the green family.
SHAWN:
Pick a number between one and ten.
LINDSAY:
Eight.
SHAWN:
That's close enough.
They start kissing.
SHAWN:
You totally wanted me to do that.
LINDSAY:
You totally read my mind.
The music swells and they relocate to the bed.
INT. LINDSAY’S HOTEL ROOM, DAY
SHAWN wakes up alone in bed. He looks around the room
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
EXT. STREET, DAY
GUS is heading for the car, talking on his cell.
GUS:
Whoa, slow down. What do you mean she took off... when?
SHAWN:
(closes desk drawer) You know, I don't know when. She tricked me, okay? She clearly wants to take all the credit for herself. Look, just... just meet me over here. (checks receipts for a clue as the phone beeps) Oh, that's Lassie on the other line. I gotta take it.
GUS:
You're dropping me for Lassiter?
SHAWN:
And hurry up!
INT. WAREHOUSE, DAY
LASSITER stands next to SHAWN and GUS.
SHAWN:
You wait till now to call us?
LASSITER:
I called you as soon as I heard. Do you think I want Junior G-man here to beat me to the punch?
The body of a man lies on the floor, gunshot wound in his chest. VICK, JULIET, LINDSAY and EWING are also there.
EWING:
Thank you. Well, it's affirmative. Our counterfeiter. Shot with his own gun. There’s signs of a struggle. Checks out as Steven J. Grabinski. His only priors are a couple counts of petty theft and small-time fraud in Washington.
SHAWN looks at the body and sees the scar and earring that LINDSAY had described earlier.
SHAWN:
Damn, she's good.
LINDSAY kneels beside the body and moves her hands along the body, touching it when she reaches the chest.
LASSITER:
Whoa! Touchy! I don't know how you do it in Washington, but here, we don't disturb the body till forensics has a chance to come in, collect some evidence.
VICK:
Lassiter, ease up. We're lucky if our psychic doesn't lick the body. Well, I guess congratulations are in order. We have to hand it to our federal agents here. Though we would have preferred to bring him in and charge him, this case looks pretty much wrapped up.
EWING:
There's no need to congratulate us for doing what is our job. We don't ask for commendation for what is merely our proud honor of servitude to our country. Perhaps just a small hug.
VICK ushers JULIET out of the room.
EWING:
Just an itty-bitty one. I'm serious. Too much? (follows others)
SHAWN and LINDSAY are alone – aside from the forensics team.
SHAWN:
So how'd you sleep? Well, I guess I was right about one thing. It turned out to be a pretty good week for you.
SHAWN walks out and LINDSAY follows.
INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
HENRY is seated at the table and takes a bite of the small pineapple upside-down cake. SHAWN is air-drumming with utensils.
HENRY:
Look, I'm sorry, Shawn. I don't know what you want me to say to you.
SHAWN:
I don't know either.
HENRY:
You lost a case. You lose. She's on the winning side, you're on the losing side. She's the winner, you're the loser.
SHAWN:
You know, Dad, had I made a list of things I did want to hear, that wouldn't even have made the top eight.
HENRY:
Something is really off with this cake. (spits the cake out) But, Shawn, you want my advice? (SHAWN shakes his head) I think you should quit.
SHAWN:
What?
HENRY:
You should quit. That's what you do. When things get tough, somebody's better than you, you quit.
SHAWN:
Where is this even coming from?
HENRY:
Oh, come on, Shawn, I've got 80 examples sitting on the tip of my tongue. Eighth grade you quit the bassoon when Bobby Nowocinski beat you out for the solo in the winter festival.
SHAWN:
Let me get this straight. You have an example from eighth grade sitting on the tip of your tongue?
HENRY:
Shawn, the point is, a year from now, you won't even be working for the Santa Barbara Police Department.
SHAWN:
You don't know that.
HENRY:
All right, look, Shawn, (stands) now I'm gonna tell you something that you do want to hear. (puts his hands on SHAWN’S shoulders) I accept you for who you are. (cups his face before dropping hands)
SHAWN:
Is that a fact?
HENRY:
That is a fact. You don't have to prove anything to me. I'm gonna let you off the hook. Now, how's that feel? Better? Now you can go ahead, and you can quit this too.
EXT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS are walking along the beachfront path on the way to the office. SHAWN is holding a mini pineapple upside-down cake in his hand.
SHAWN:
First of all... and I think I can say this now with a fair amount of certainty... there's definitely something not right about this cake.
They turn and head for the office.
GUS:
Maybe because it was baked with a child's oven.
SHAWN:
We're talking about a deluxe Easy-Bake Oven, Gus. I paid over $300 for it on eBay. This is hardly a toy.
GUS:
Okay, I didn't major in psychology, but I'm gonna guess this doesn't have anything to do with the cake.
SHAWN:
I'm sorry. It's got nothing to do with you or me or my dad or the cake. It's got a little something to do with the cake. But it's mostly about Lindsay showing us up on this case. She's either a crazy-good psychic, or she's just a better detective than me.
GUS:
Hey, I thought you had her back at the hotel when you surprised her with that $500.000 thing.
SHAWN flashes back to the moment when he announced the amount of money he believed had been printed and the look on LINDSAY’S face.
SHAWN:
I did have her. I totally had her. Come on!
SHAWN throws the cake away as he and GUS run to the Echo.
INT. HOTEL, MILDRED’S ROOM, DAY
MILDRED is packing her suitcase.
SHAWN:
Mildred, you kept a record of everything that was said in this investigation. Am I right?
MILDRED:
If someone as little as burped, I got it down.
GUS:
There's a symbol for burp?
SHAWN:
Terrific. I need you to clarify something for me. Two days ago, in the morning, outside the Home Depot center. Ewing and Leikin making small talk. Can you read that back?
MILDRED:
(digs transcript out of suitcase) What was that, 0700 hours?
SHAWN:
No, no, it was 7:00 a. m.
GUS hits SHAWN with his arm.
MILDRED:
Here's something. "EWING: Do you know of a good chocolatier? “Leikin: I had someone in Seattle, specialized in hazelnut praline stuff... very good."
SHAWN:
It was just after that.
MILDRED:
Something about the dye used in public swimming pools to identify urine?
SHAWN:
Nope.
MILDRED:
The musical Wicked?
SHAWN:
No.
MILDRED:
Something about coffee?
SHAWN:
Yes! That's it. Mildred, could you read the coffee thing?
As MILDRED reads, SHAWN remembers that morning.
EXT. SHOPPING PLAZA, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY walk in front of the Santa Barbara crew.
MILDRED: (v.o.)
"EWING: You breached protocol, Leikin. I waited for you outside the hotel, 0630, but you weren't there." "Yeah, sorry, I got up early and went to grab coffee."
INT. HOTEL, MILDRED’S ROOM, DAY
SHAWN:
Mildred, where are Ewing and Leikin now?
MILDRED:
Where I'm supposed to be, catching a chartered flight back to Washington. I'm late.
MILDRED packs the transcript back in her suitcase. GUS scribbles on a notepad.
SHAWN:
Not a problem. We'll give you a ride. We happen to be headed that way.
MILDRED:
That's great.
GUS:
Mildred, here. Say this. (hands MILDRED the pad)
MILDRED:
“Shotgun”.
GUS:
(looks at SHAWN) Tough luck, buddy. (makes a dash for the door)
EXT. AIRPORT TARMAC, DAY
EWING and LINDSAY stand by the open door of a private jet. VICK, LASSITER and JULIET are there to say goodbye.
EWING:
Well, folks, you all did a nice job on this investigation. (shakes LASSITER’S hand)(to JULIET) So, uh, you have a MySpace page or something?
LINDSAY heads for the steps just as SHAWN and GUS come running up.
SHAWN:
Whoa! Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. (out of breath) I just wanted to make sure I had an opportunity to congratulate you, you know, personally.
LINDSAY:
Thank you. It's not necessary.
SHAWN:
No, no, no, it is necessary. You did it. You cracked it. I mean, you deserve all the credit. You're amazing. She's an amazing person.
LINDSAY:
Look, Shawn, don't feel too bad. There'll be other cases. (takes her carry-on and walks to the steps)
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah, I know. I know. But not for you. You see, it all started when you identified the scar on the jaw line of our counterfeiter, along with his little diamond-stud earring. I mean, I couldn't even draw a hair color. So there's no way that you could do that unless... Unless you'd already seen him before.
LINDSAY:
This is ridiculous.
SHAWN:
Is it? It's not like I'm wearing a giant moose costume. I had a vision you were drinking coffee.
LINDSAY:
Oh, congratulations.
SHAWN:
But not at the hotel. (remembers the receipt from the hotel room) You were driving past one Starbucks, two Starbucks, 17 Starbucks, and ended up all the way in Goleta. On the very same day that Grabinski's Lamborghini was spotted just outside of town in...Anybody? (LASSITER raises his hand) Special?
EWING:
Goleta. (snaps fingers)
SHAWN:
That's right. Goleta. The two of you were partners and you were in touch the whole time. What's more, they were lovers in the night.
MILDRED arrives and sets up her stenograph.
SHAWN:
I didn't think it was possible to fall in love with somebody in the span of five minutes. (flashes back to EWING telling them about how close LINDSAY came to catching the suspect) That's when you met him. You didn't miss him. She had him. She had your bad boy red-handed. Suddenly you were much more interested in combining forces and making a whole lot of money. And it was going well. It was going very well... Until you blew it. You know which moment I'm talking about, right? The one in the hotel room. When you realized he had printed way more than the 50,000 that you'd planned. And the passport? So you called him that morning, you met him at the warehouse. It was you who struggled with him. And it was you who shot him dead. Only then, having your vision that miraculously led everyone here to the crime scene.
LINDSAY:
Oh, come on. I mean, I've seen poor losers before, but this is just sad.
SHAWN:
Your DNA was all over him. But you covered your tracks by touching the body in front of everybody before forensics had a chance to come in and brush it. Or comb it. Braid it. Maybe put it in pigtails.
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
That only leaves one outstanding issue. And that is, where's the rest of the money? Wait a minute. What's happening? (starts acting like his body is spontaneously doing martial arts) What's happening to me? I've heard about this. It's called spontaneous psychic krobmuga. (makes karate sounds and kicks over her carry-on) Oh, my, it's the bag. Something's in the bag! It's bad. It's very bad. And it could be embarrassing.
EWING walks over and takes the bag. He unzips it to reveal the money.
LINDSAY:
(sighs) Well, you were wrong about one thing, Shawn. I didn't sleep with you because you were my enemy. I did it because I really thought we had something.
Everyone raises eyebrows at that revelation.
SHAWN:
Okay. First of all, a little discretion would be nice, all right? I mean, these are...These are my co-workers. And secondly, anything we had, you ruined, because you betrayed your gift, Leikin. You give a bad name to psychics like me who pride themselves on the purity of that gift. There are so many people out there who already doubt what we do. Now you've given 'em all a reason to think that we're fakes. You sicken me...I'm sickened. I mean, sure, I'm still wildly attracted to you on the physical level, but, spiritually and psychically, you're dead to me.
LINDSAY pulls a gun from her purse and pulls SHAWN in front of her as a shield.
JULIET:
Gun!
LASSITER pulls out his gun.
LINDSAY:
I'm taking him and I'm taking the plane.
JULIET pulls her gun. MILDRED pushes her wheeled stenograph at LINDSAY, giving SHAWN a chance to get out of the way. EWING wrestles LINDSAY to the ground in what could be mistaken as a compromising position under other circumstances.
EWING:
This is not what it looks like.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is at her desk finishing the paperwork for the case.
VICK:
(walks over) Okay, they're just processing Ms. Leikin's arrest before we put her back on a plane to Washington. It'd be great if you guys could give me this paperwork as soon as possible.
JULIET:
Got it.
VICK walks away and JULIET looks down the hall. Some low seductive R&B begins to play (think Barry White) as EWING emerges from around the corner, shirtless. He still wears his shoulder holster and carries a white dress shirt in his hand. JULIET gasps as he walks towards her. Her vision becomes misty as imagination takes over. The music stops abruptly as he arrives in front of her desk.
EWING:
Lassiter spilled a cup of coffee on me and right before I was supposed to get on the plane. Thankfully I keep an extra crisp, white shirt on me. Government issue, folds up to the size of my wallet. Fits in my back pocket. Gotta love those boys in the Gadget Tech Department.
JULIET:
Hmm.
EWING walks away and JULIET releases the breath she was holding as she watches him disappear.