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jpgr1987
EXT. STREET, DAY
“Eye of the Tiger” plays. SHAWN his on his bike and it’s decked out with mirrors, reflectors, flags, pinwheels, baseball cards in the spokes and streamers. He’s wearing headphones hooked to a Walkman. GUS looks over from his plain bike and shakes his head before leaning forward to prepare for the race. Down the road, HENRY stands in the middle, raises his arms, and lowers them to start the race. Both boys pedal furiously as HENRY watches critically. GUS wins.
SHAWN:
(turns off music) But how did I lose? My bike's twice as good as his.
HENRY:
Yeah, well you see, that's the thing, Shawn. Sure, your bike looks great with all these ridiculous reflectors and gadgets from years' worth of cereal box tops, but Gus here (claps a hand on GUS’ shoulder) focused on what's important: hard work. I'm sorry son, but he just out-pedaled you. Do you understand?
SHAWN:
(lowers headphones) I think so.
GUS rings his bike’s bell.
SHAWN:
I got it! I had the wrong song playing that time. Best two out of three.
HENRY puts a hand on SHAWN’S handlebars with a sigh.
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
SHAWN is sitting at a desk. He looks over his shoulder before pushing backwards in the wheeled office chair. He faces GUS and knocks his chair. GUS looks at him and SHAWN raises an eyebrow.
GUS:
I know what you're trying to do, Shawn. And it's not gonna work. I'm not buying.
SHAWN makes a show of lowering the seat of the chair.
GUS:
Oh, it's on now.
They push the chairs out into the hall.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
They center themselves in the intersection of the halls. SHAWN grabs the armrest of GUS’ chair.
SHAWN:
On three. One, two... (starts)
Both backpedal furiously trying to win.
GUS:
Let go of my chair, Shawn. The wheels, they're stuck together! Get off, Shawn!
LASSITER, who had been watching, knocks over SHAWN’S chair, causing them both to fall over.
LASSITER:
Listen, you two...
SHAWN:
Did you see who won?
GUS:
I beat him, didn't I?
SHAWN:
No, no, no. Two out of three.
SHAWN and GUS both get to their feet.
GUS:
Ha! That means I beat him, right?
LASSITER:
Unlike everyone else around here, I'm not fooled by the fact that you... wear grown-up clothes, have mastered the rudimentary levels of communication and, somehow, manage to feed yourselves. I see you for what you are: children. So do me a favor and let the grown-ups do their work.
SHAWN:
(points to elbow) I got a boo-boo.
LASSITER sighs and turns away. GUS elbows SHAWN and they follow the detective.
SHAWN:
Speaking of boo-boos, you wouldn't happen to have any extra unsolved cases lying around, would you?
LASSITER:
Spencer, there is just no easy way to tell you that I consider you a waste of this department's time and energy. (stops and faces them) I guess there was an easy way. But actually I've got less patience for you today than normal. See, I received an invitation to give a presentation at 21-LES. (SHAWN and GUS look at each other) 21st Century Law Enforcement Seminar?
GUS:
(realization) Oh.
SHAWN:
(realization) Oh. Yes. We know that better as "21 Saint Cent-Les”.
GUS:
I like to call it 21 Cent Law Info Semin.
LASSITER:
Go ahead, make jokes. (walks away)
SHAWN:
But we just did.
EXT. SBPD, DAY
GUS and SHAWN follow LASSITER outside and down the steps.
LASSITER:
You see, kids, I will be presenting the cutting edge technology. Modern tools for the new detective. We're talking back-scatter x- ray scanning, DNA sampling, sonic weaponry, you name it, I am... (stops and looks at his empty parking space) That's weird. I could have sworn that I... I don't believe it.
GUS:
Don't believe what?
LASSITER:
My car, it's gone. It was right there. (points) It's... It's been stolen. Who would dare steal my car?
SHAWN:
Well, here's the good news. It'll make for an amusing anecdote during your presentation at 21 Saint Cent-Les.
PSYCH
“Zero to Murder in Sixty Seconds”
By
Saladin K. Patterson
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Stephen Surjik
**********************************************************************
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
LASSITER, SHAWN and GUS re-enter the station.
LASSITER:
All right, just keep your mouth shut. I don't want people to think anything's wrong. (greets passing officers) Morning, O'Connell. Schwartz. Dobson. Just rapping with the fellas, shooting the breeze.
SHAWN:
Sweet, now they'll just think it's 1974.
LASSITER:
(stops) Wait a minute. Is... is this a prank? Did you take my car? Is this some sort of "punking"?
SHAWN:
To think that we would stoop so low as to tamper with police-issued property, and defile the institution that is the Santa Barbara police department, is an affront to our honor. I for one, am greatly offended.
GUS:
And I, for two.
LASSITER:
I just don't see how this could have happened. (walks between them)
GUS:
Did you?
SHAWN:
(mouths) No.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
LASSITER sits behind his desk and SHAWN and GUS follow him in. SHAWN sees a partial tag on LASSITER’S key ring that reads “Parking”.
SHAWN:
Wait! I'm getting something.
GUS:
What, Shawn? What is it?
SHAWN:
It's a trace on Lassie's car. It's faint, but clear. You were recently somewhere where the security of your car was compromised. I'm sensing someplace posh. Surprisingly upscale for someone on half a civil servant's salary.
LASSITER:
As it happens, I dined at a very exclusive restaurant last night.
SHAWN:
The type of restaurant one would take a date to? Is old Lassie back in the game?
LASSITER:
It is none of your business with whom I spend my personal time.
SHAWN:
Now you have to dish. Is she blonde?
GUS:
Brunette?
SHAWN:
Mail order?
GUS:
You sly dog.
SHAWN gives a dirty little laugh.
LASSITER:
Please, I'm not gonna engage in some sort of juvenile masculinity contest.
SHAWN:
He went by himself.
GUS:
Yeah.
LASSITER:
(stands) Her name was Polly Smith. 324 Sycamore Lane. We kissed. Ask her.
SHAWN:
Polly Smith?
SHAWN looks at GUS and they shake their heads doubtfully.
SHAWN:
Whoa! (puts a hand to his head) Something happened at that restaurant that led to your car being stolen. I'm sensing red coats and accents.
GUS:
The British?
SHAWN:
No. The valets. Check the valet that parked your car. He may have used the old "key in the putty" trick to get an impression.
LASSITER:
Of course, that would have been my first deduction, had I not been overcoming this blatant violation. (picks up car keys) I'm gonna get right over there.
GUS puts a hand on LASSITER’S arm.
SHAWN:
No-o, No car, remember?
They laugh.
LASSITER:
You guys are so funny. Oh, guess what. I just got a new car. (holds up badge) Yours.
INT. ECHO, DAY
GUS and SHAWN are sitting in the back seat.
GUS:
Maybe we had a little too much fun with him.
LASSITER pushes the driver’s seat back, nearly forcing SHAWN’S knees to his chest.
SHAWN:
Maybe.
LASSITER starts the car. SHAWN taps him on the shoulder and LASSITER turns his head.
SHAWN:
I have to pee-pee.
LASSITER drives away.
INT. RESTAURANT, KITCHEN, DAY
LASSITER pushes the doors open and strides in. GUS and SHAWN follow. A man in a suit, the MAITRE D’, confronts LASSITER.
MAITRE D:
May I help you, gentleman?
LASSITER:
(shows badge) The theft of police property has occurred. I have reason to believe the guilty party works here.
MAITRE D:
Oh, dear. Well, rest assured you have our complete cooperation. I only ask that you keep your investigation under wraps. You know, for appearance sake.
LASSITER:
Noted. Now, I'm gonna need to sequester your main dining room interview your entire valet staff, and possibly your busboys.
MAITRE D:
One moment. (walks away)
LASSITER:
(turns to SHAWN and GUS) Yeah, he's gonna be a problem.
SHAWN:
I don't know. He seemed pretty cooperative.
LASSITER:
Your work here is done. I'll get my car back soon enough. Here. (tosses the keys to GUS) But I'm warning you, if word of this little incident gets out of the station, I will start making things very difficult for you down there.
SHAWN:
You're saying you haven't even been trying all this time?
LASSITER:
Good-bye.
SHAWN and GUS walk out of the kitchen.
INT. RESTAURANT, DINING ROOM, DAY
GUS and SHAWN walk past the bar to the dining room.
SHAWN:
He's not gonna get anywhere talking to those valets. They have a very strict code.
GUS:
I still think you're thinking about the British.
SHAWN:
May have to roll my sleeves up for this one, Gus. (looks to the side) Actually, I may have to take off my entire shirt.
GUS:
Please don't.
SHAWN points to the beautiful HOSTESS.
GUS:
Oh, later.
They fist bump and GUS leaves. SHAWN walks over to the hostess. Her nametag reads CHELSEA.
SHAWN:
Hi there. My name is Shawn Spencer. I'm the head psychic for the Santa Barbara police department. And I may need to get a statement from you. More specifically, the word "yes”.
CHELSEA:
(points to sign on the wall) Nice try. But I reserve the right to refuse service to anyone.
SHAWN looks into her purse and sees pamphlets regarding senior discounts and the Santa Barbara Miniatures Museum.
SHAWN:
That's all right. If my parents were visiting, I probably wouldn't wanna waste time meeting handsome new strangers either. Regardless of how smart or interesting they might be.
CHELSEA:
My parents are visiting. That was pretty impressive. You really are psychic. Sorry, I thought you were just hitting on me.
SHAWN:
Oh, I'm actually much more interested in going out with your parents. I love the Miniatures Museum.
They laugh lightly.
CHELSEA:
What was it you need to ask me about?
SHAWN:
Do you recall any uh... suspicious behavior from any of the valets on duty last night?
CHELSEA:
Now that you mention it, we had a new guy who started yesterday, but didn't show up this morning.
SHAWN:
Bingo. Gonna need a name and a phone number.
CHELSEA:
Well, of course. (starts writing on PostIt) And then... I'll give you the information about the valet. (gives SHAWN the paper and winks)
EXT. STREET, DAY
SHAWN is sitting on his Norton as he talks to GUS on his cell.
SHAWN:
Get this. The valet's number is actually a number to a pay phone outside of a warehouse. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know if it looks like the warehouse from Blue City, Gus. You're the only one that remembers that movie. What, are you insane? Way more people saw From the Hip than Blue City... Look, I'm not gonna talk Judd Nelson right now. No, just... just meet me at the station in an hour. Thank you.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
GUS enters the station. SHAWN is already there.
GUS:
A warehouse? Sweet! (takes credit card from SHAWN and pockets it) There's always something happening on the DL inside a warehouse. You staked it out, right? I know you staked it out.
SHAWN:
Oh, it got staked. Stook. Staken? Staked, right?
GUS:
Right. That’s…
SHAWN:
Yeah, yeah. It got staked.
GUS:
You found out what happened to Lassiter's car?
SHAWN:
A whole bunch of cars go in, but only boxes full of car parts come out. Dude, it's a chop shop.
GUS:
That's big.
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
VICK, LASSITER and JULIET are sitting at VICK’S desk looking off to the side where SHAWN is having a “vision”.
SHAWN:
Victims. I see victims everywhere! It's horrible! (spins in the chair) Sawed-off parts strewn about. Fluids spraying in every direction.
VICK:
Oh, dear God!
JULIET:
Are we talking about a serial killer?
SHAWN:
I can see the victims' names. Accord! Look out!
GUS:
Get outta there!
SHAWN:
Escalade, don't let him in the door. Oh, Camry, you were too young to go!
JULIET:
Are we talking about cars?
LASSITER:
(pointedly) Stolen cars?
SHAWN:
(pushes the chair backwards) The signal's too strong. (puts his hands down on the printer) I'm getting "chopsticks”. "Chopped salad”?
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
(chops his hands on the top of the printer before pulling out the paper drawer) "Chop suey"? (starts back to the desk)
GUS:
Good God!
SHAWN:
"Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch”. Does that mean anything to you? "Wheelie and the Chopper Bunch”.
JULIET:
Chop shop! It's a chop shop.
SHAWN:
Yes! And... and I see a warehouse. And cargo containers. And a street sign. And a little mouse named Algernon in a maze.
JULES:
Flower Street!
VICK:
Flower Street. That's down by the tracks. We better check this out. (to SHAWN) You know you just bought that, right?
VICK, JULIET and LASSITER leave the office as SHAWN looks down at the bits of printer in his lap
INT. WAREHOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS watch as two officers place a man in the back of a patrol car. SHAWN sees the man give a small knowing smile right before he’s driven away. VICK walks over to them.
VICK:
Looks like a slam dunk, Mr. Spencer. Wally there is the ringleader. And all the evidence we need to take him down is right here. I mean, stolen parts, serial numbers, shipment logs, you name it.
SHAWN:
No need to thank me, Chief. Just glad to help.
VICK reaches out to shake GUS’ hand. GUS puts his hands up.
SHAWN:
Don't thank him either.
VICK:
Well, if I can't thank you I can't pay you.
GUS:
Our pleasure. (shakes VICK’S hand)
SHAWN:
(shakes VICK’S hand) Oh, you're very welcome. You are.
VICK:
You know, this ring was responsible for hundreds of car thefts around town. Wally had operatives in places... mechanics, valets, car wash attendants, all copying people's keys and then stealing their cars from different locations.
GUS:
Does it say anything in there about them stealing loose change or switching the presets on radios? 'Cause that happens to me all the time.
SHAWN:
Okay, Gus. Go ahead and put your aluminum foil hat back on.
GUS:
I'm not paranoid, Shawn. It happens.
VICK:
Anyway, I believe this is a department record for the fastest bust ever in a case this size. Truly your most efficient work. (applauds)
The officers in the warehouse join VICK in applauding.
OFFICER 1:
Nice work, boys.
OFFICER 2:
Good work, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Oh, stop. That's so unnecessary.
LASSITER comes up behind them and clamps a hand on their necks and walks them away from the others.
LASSITER:
You know, I couldn't help but notice that a certain vehicle belonging to a certain head detective just happens to not be here.
SHAWN:
Lassie, we had the boys from crime scene move your car up the street right before you and the Chief arrived. You're in the clear, tiger.
LASSITER:
Thanks. (walks back inside)
SHAWN:
Although... today is a street sweeping day. Did we park on the east side or the west side of the street?
GUS:
North side.
SHAWN:
No, no, no. It wasn't the north side.
GUS:
Yes, it was. I'd know, Shawn. I'm good with directions. You're not.
SHAWN:
Gus, you have the bearings of a wounded bumblebee. Why would...
A tow-truck passes in front of them with LASSITER’S car.
SHAWN:
Uh-oh.
GUS:
We need to get out of here.
INT. RESTAURANT, DINING ROOM, NIGHT
SHAWN is sitting with CHELSEA on a date.
CHELSEA:
Well, you're certainly a unique guy, Shawn. A guy who calls the day he gets the number. And brings flowers.
SHAWN:
I stole the flowers. From table one. They're fake, and they smell vaguely of creamy pesto, but I'm pretty sure it's the thought that counts.
CHELSEA:
And you're good enough to come and meet me here my last free night before my parents arrive.
SHAWN:
Oh, wrapping up this case was a lot easier than I thought. (holds up strawberry) And this is one of the biggest strawberries I’ve ever seen.
CHELSEA:
Impressive. I've been here all day. So... what do you say we take our dessert back to my place? (leans in seductively)
SHAWN:
I say yes.
They kiss.
SHAWN:
Was this too easy?
CHELSEA:
I beg your pardon?
SHAWN:
Nothing. I'm sorry. Never mind.
They kiss again.
SHAWN:
I can't believe how quickly I nailed this. Am I really this good?
CHELSEA:
Excuse me?
SHAWN:
I mean, is it possible that... No. No, nothing like this has ever happened before.
CHELSEA:
And nothing's going to happen tonight either. How dare you think that I'm easy? Good-bye. (stands and walks away)
SHAWN:
What... no. No, no, no. I'm not talking about you. This is... this is something much worse. This is the first time I've been wrong about a case.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, NIGHT
GUS is picking up magazines as SHAWN talks. He packs them and other items into a bag.
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm telling you, it was too easy. Why would this Wally guy slip up by stealing a detective's car from in front of a police station? That doesn't make any sense.
GUS:
Sure it does. One of his guys got sloppy.
SHAWN:
Gus, I'm pretty sure I saw him smile as they loaded him into the squad car. What, he thinks going to prison is dope? No, come on. I think I solved the crime I was supposed to solve. Not the crime I should've solved.
GUS:
Okay, you're not making any sense. And I happen to be busy, so if you don't mind?
SHAWN:
What are you doing? What is this? What, are you going somewhere?
GUS:
Yes, actually, I am. I finally have a free weekend. (holds up award) Which means I get to use the Spa Utopia package I won for being top sales rep. It comes complete with Town Car and driver.
SHAWN:
Gus, you've been bragging about that award for over a year. Why go now?
GUS:
Maybe I kept pushing it back because I was always working a second job. Like when I had to enter a Civil War reenactment, or when I was protecting a sorority of pajama-clad coeds.
SHAWN:
You're actually complaining about that?
GUS:
No, I'm not. But let's not forget about the entire week I gave up riding shotgun to a cat, which, by the way, was not a boy cat at all. That's some serious stress, Shawn. I have to get a deep-tissue massage to work out all the knots in my back. I call the big one "Little Shawn”.
SHAWN:
Okay, that's the creepiest thing anyone's ever said to me.
GUS:
They have a blind masseuse up there named Gloria. I hear she works wonders. I can't wait.
SHAWN:
(sits) What is it with you and the blind? I remember you went crazy for that blind sculptor that did your bust.
GUS:
That was Lionel Richie in the video for Hello.
SHAWN:
Great. Now I'm gonna have that song stuck in my head.
GUS:
Good. Good-bye, Shawn. (puts bag over shoulder and leaves)
INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN hurries into VICK’S office.
SHAWN:
Chief! We gotta reopen the chop shop case. I'm pretty sure we missed something.
VICK:
First of all, "we" don't decide to reopen cases. I do.
SHAWN:
That's what I meant.
LASSITER enters the office
LASSITER:
Morning, Chief. (hands her a document)
VICK:
Morning.
LASSITER uses his key remote to set his car alarm.
VICK:
Uh, Lassiter, Mr. Spencer seems to think we might have missed something in the chop shop case.
LASSITER:
No. No, that's an open-and-shut case if ever I've seen one.
SHAWN opens his mouth, ready to argue, but VICK cuts him off.
VICK:
Sorry, Mr. Spencer, but if you want to reopen the case, you're gonna need to come up with some concrete evidence. We don't devote department resources to personal whims.
JULIET enters, excited.
JULIET:
Carlton, I finished the PowerPoint slides for your 21-LES presentation.
LASSITER takes the paper from her.
VICK:
(to SHAWN) This is official department business?
LASSITER:
Oh, you're right, Helvetica is a much better font.
JULIET:
I know. See how the M in "double murder suicide" just jumps off the page?
LASSITER hands the sheet over to VICK.
VICK:
Okay.
SHAWN:
Is there anyone left that I can actually speak to about this case?
INT. PRISON, VISITORS’ ROOM, DAY
SHAWN is visiting with WALLY, talking with him via the telephone.
SHAWN:
Like I said, there's still quite a few unanswered questions.
WALLY:
Well, what can I say? You guys got me fair and square.
SHAWN:
That's just it. What kind of chop shop artist steals a cop's car and doesn't chop it up? It's almost like you wanted to leave a trail.
WALLY:
Leave a trail, don't leave a trail, wouldn't do any good. You guys caught me quick. Snap! Mind of a cheetah. I was like, "What?" Cops are like, “Wham! Miranda.”
SHAWN:
Yeah, well, there's still some questions. For instance, why haven't you posted bail, Wally?
WALLY:
Oh, it's all good. You know, I'm gonna just do my time with good behavior, and go on with my life. Till then, I'm like, "My bad!" The court's like, "Get in that cell”. Justice.
SHAWN:
Okay. Let's try this again.
GUARD:
Prisoner 1906, visiting time is over.
WALLY:
Gotta go.
WALLY hangs up the phone and raises his fist to the window before standing and walking away. SHAWN shakes his head and hangs up the phone before walking to the desk and signing out. While doing so, he notices that WALLY had only one visitor – three times: Jonny G.
INT. SPA, RECEPTION, DAY
GUS tightens the belt on his robe as he follows a male EMPLOYEE to the waiting area.
EMPLOYEE:
Your massage therapist will be right with you, Mr. Guster. In the meantime, please relax. And hydrate.
GUS:
Thank you.
GUS sits in a comfortable chair as the EMPLOYEE walks away. The man on the chair behind him accidentally sprays him while hydrating.
GUS:
(turns around) Excuse me. Excuse me, do you mind?
The man turns around and it’s SHAWN.
GUS:
(loudly) Shawn, what are you doing here? (to woman in next chair) Sorry. (whispers) Shawn, what are you doing here?
SHAWN:
Trust me. The way today's going, I need to relax too. I can't get the Chief to reopen the case.
GUS:
I already... (the woman leaves) I already told you I'm not helping you either.
SHAWN:
You will when you hear this.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
I visited Wally. In prison.
GUS:
You went to the pen?
SHAWN:
I went to the joint.
GUS:
You went to the clink?
SHAWN:
According to the visitors' log, the only other person who dropped by to see Wally was Jonny G. Who turns out to be the Jonny G. of Jonny G.'s Bling it On Custom Auto Shop.
GUS:
So all he's guilty of is a bad pun?
SHAWN:
Hardly. First Wally gets arrested for running a chop shop, then he gets visited by Jonny G., who works in custom auto parts. Adds a whole new angle to the case, Gus. Look, is Jonny G. dirty too? What's the G stand for? Is Wally working for him? What other criminal nonsense are they up to? Man, we may have just uncovered the tip of the iceberg here.
GUS:
That's all you've got?
SHAWN:
That... and this. (uses the spray on his face) It burns.
GUS:
Sitting here listening to you right now, Little Shawn just got bigger. (turns back on SHAWN)
SHAWN:
I beg your pardon.
GUS:
No thanks. (crosses arms)
SHAWN:
Fine. (turns around and crosses arms) What time are you seeing that blind chick?
GUS:
Gloria can't see me.
SHAWN:
Dude, I know how being blind works.
GUS:
(turns around) I mean she's booked, Shawn. I had to book with this girl named Kelly. I hope she's good.
MAN:
Mr. Guster.
SHAWN and GUS look up to see a large, muscular black man in a tank top.
MAN:
Are you ready for your massage? (cracks neck)
GUS:
Kelly?
KEL:
Call me Kel.
GUS:
Um, you know what, Kel? (stands) I forgot I have another appointment I have to go to. Uh, thanks for your time.
SHAWN follows GUS out of the room.
SHAWN:
(whispers) Yo. (peeks around GUS back at KEL) Dude. That dude's shoulders looked like two little baby heads.
GUS:
I know. Okay, I'll help. But I must be back in two hours. That's when I booked the isolation chamber.
SHAWN:
Sweet. We'll take your town car. (takes off robe) You're not naked under there, are you?
GUS:
Naked and unashamed.
SHAWN:
Man! I'll be outside.
SHAWN heads outside
INT. BLING IT ON, GARAGE, DAY
GUS and SHAWN enter the garage.
GUS:
How are we gonna get this information out of Jonny G.?
SHAWN:
The dude thinks we're customers, Gus. It's a perfect cover.
GUS:
I don't get it. Who wastes money tricking out a car? It's frivolous and ridiculous. Not to mention it compromises the integrity of the vehicle.
SHAWN sees the serial numbers of the parts lying out in full view. A white man with a shaved head wearing large gold chains struts over.
MAN:
Yo, Shawn! Yo, lookin' good, man. Wassup, homie? (shakes SHAWN’S hand)
SHAWN:
Jonny G., how are ya?
JONNY G:
I’m good, man.
SHAWN:
This is my friend, Ovaltine Jenkins.
JONNY G:
Oh, respect, a'ight? What's up, O? (takes GUS’ hand and pulls him into a man hug with a back slap)
GUS:
What's happening?
JONNY G:
Peace, man. Yo, check it out. Your ride is fresh to death. Always do the last checks myself, you know what I mean? Just to make sure it meets specs. You know what I mean?
SHAWN and GUS nod and smile knowingly.
SHAWN:
I do know what you mean.
JONNY G:
You know what I mean?
JONNY G. shakes GUS’ hand and gives him another back slap. When they pull apart, they “tickle” the other’s open palm as they make a trilling sound. After JONNY G. Leaves, GUS turns to SHAWN, no longer smiling.
GUS:
What ride?
JONNY G:
This one.
JONNY G and an employee lift a tarp off a car to reveal the Echo, newly tricked-out and painted with yellow flames along the front and hood.
GUS:
My car! Shawn!
SHAWN pits is arms out to his sides in a “ta-da” gesture.
SHAWN:
(to GUS) I told you it was the perfect cover. (to JONNY G) That is fresh to death! (laughs)
EXT. STREET, DAY
SHAWN drives the car down the road, hip-hop playing.
INT. ECHO, DAY
GUS:
This is a company car, Shawn. I have to visit clients in this.
SHAWN:
Would you relax?
GUS:
I can't believe you spent all our money from the chop shop case on this. What? You couldn't find any magic beans?
SHAWN:
A "Jack and the Beanstalk" reference? Really?
GUS:
You wasted our money.
SHAWN:
I reinvested it in the business, Gus. Once we figure out what's up with Jonny G.'s shop and re-solve the case, we'll get another check.
GUS:
And you want to know what we are going to do with it?
SHAWN:
Party like it's 1999.
GUS:
No, we're gonna...
SHAWN:
Party.
GUS:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
Karamu?
GUS:
No!
SHAWN:
Fiesta?
GUS:
We're gonna spend that money turning my car back to the way it was.
SHAWN:
All right. But I still don't see why you won't drive it like this.
GUS:
Because it's embarrassing.
SHAWN:
Embarrassing? Dude, this is sweet. This is fresh to death. You won't enjoy it, I will.
SHAWN turns the music up and jerks his head to the music. A yellow convertible pulls up beside them with two beautiful young ladies inside.
SHAWN:
What's up, ladies?
GIRL 1:
Nice ride.
GIRL 2:
That's hot.
GUS:
Thank you.
The ladies drive away.
SHAWN:
(leans out the window) You're hot! You are so hot! (smiles at GUS)
GUS:
Get out of my seat.
SHAWN:
You said you didn't want to drive.
GUS:
It's my ride, Shawn. I'm driving.
SHAWN:
Yeah.
They get out of the car and switch places.
SHAWN:
Just get us to the station. I gotta convince the Chief to let us snoop around Jonny G.'s operations.
A police siren wails and a patrol car pulls up behind them.
GUS:
What now?
GUS reaches over to the glove compartment as BUZZ gets out of the patrol car. He walks over and bends down by the driver’s side window.
BUZZ:
I'm gonna need your license and regis... (turns and sees who it is) I... I didn't know it was you guys. Sorry, but in this car, you just happen to fit a profile. I'm really sorry to bother you guys. (a German Shepherd jumps up on the door, barking) Mauler! Heel! Heel! (the dog gets down) Now I'm really, really sorry. He's just a trainee for K9 unit. Obviously, he's not gonna make it. Sorry again, fellas. And Gus? Mauler barks at all cars. Not just blue ones.
As BUZZ is talking, Mauler sniffs the hubcaps.
GUS:
Uh-huh.
BUZZ leaves.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET rushes in with a package and sets it on her desk.
JULIET:
Carlton, it's here!
LASSITER:
(rushes over) Is this the new nanomaterial vest we ordered for 21-LES?
JULIET:
Yes, it's gonna kill. (takes out pamphlet) "The KEV-TEK 7000 is made with nanomaterial polymers that give it enough strength to stop a tank mortar shell." I can't wait to try it out. (pulls it out and holds it against her body)
LASSITER:
Oh, no, no, no. Last time, you got to be incapacitated by the sonic gun. Now it's my turn.
LASSITER grabs the vest from JULIET and she grabs it back.
LASSITER:
Let go, O'Hara.
LASSITER takes it again and they begin a tug-of-war over the vest.
JULIET:
Oh, come on.
LASSITER:
Drop it!
JULIET:
Just let me try it...
VICK strides out of her office towards the two detectives.
VICK:
You know I've had just about enough of the two of you. You can both be shot. Just sign the waivers.
They both drop the vest. There is a “cuckoo” and they turn to see SHAWN and GUS enter. SHAWN continues to “cuckoo” as he walks up beside JULIET.
SHAWN:
Sonny was a cuckoo bird. Clearly he was cuckoo for something.
VICK:
Cocoa Puffs.
SHAWN:
Exactly.
GUS:
I always thought it was Cuckoo Puffs.
SHAWN:
No. Sonny is cuckoo for the puffs, which are cocoa. That's why the milk turns all brown and chocolatey.
GUS:
Oh. I was never allowed to eat that stuff when I was a kid. That's why I don't have any cavities.
VICK:
(clears throat) So, are we having cereal?
SHAWN:
Yes. But I'm getting more. (puts hand to head) 9459687, 7635452, 250960.
JULIET writes down the numbers as SHAWN speaks.
JULIET:
Are these serial numbers?
SHAWN:
Yes, but there's more. I see shiny rims, spoilers, hammered rims…
LASSITER:
Spencer, is this about the chop shop? 'Cause we told you the case is closed.
VICK:
Now, hold on. This is very specific information. (sighs) O'Hara, run the numbers by the crime lab, just to make sure we didn't miss anything in the sweep. And you better not be wasting department time, Mr. Spencer. Because if you are, we'll be using these new vests on you.
LASSITER:
That's a great idea.
VICK:
Thank you.
LASSITER:
Because that way, it's a plus for me whether they work or fail.
SHAWN picks up the vest as JULIET, VICK and LASSITER leave.
INT. ECHO, DAY
GUS is behind the wheel.
GUS:
It better not take long for Juliet to run those numbers.
SHAWN:
It won't.
GUS:
I already missed all of yesterday on this already-solved case. This is my last day to enjoy my vacation. You don't realize how much stress I've been on these past few... (stops at intersection and SHAWN turns up radio) I'm not playing, Shawn. I never get to do anything for myself. (doesn’t see convertible with cute women eying the car) I'm getting that massage. (SHAWN sees the women and lowers the radio) And yes, I'll be naked and unashamed under my robe while they rub Little Shawn down!
SHAWN covers his smile. The two women exchange glances, laugh and pull away. GUS sees them too late and sticks his head out the window.
GUS:
(shouts) Wait! It wasn't like that!
GUS slaps the wheel and grunts before driving on. SHAWN’S cell rings.
SHAWN:
(answers phone) Jules, what do you got on those serial numbers?
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –
- CUT TO:
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is standing at her desk
JULIET:
Well, the good news is, they tracked them to car parts. The bad news is, the parts were purchased legitimately for Bling it On. And the even worse news is that Lassiter wants to know what size vest you wear.
SHAWN:
Very funny. Thanks for making my life more challenging. (ends call)
GUS:
The car parts at the shop were legit?
SHAWN:
Looks that way. There must be something else going on down there that we're missing, besides selling stolen car parts. We gotta get back down there and look for clues.
GUS:
I don't know about you, but I'm still on vacation.
SHAWN looks at the dashboard and pulls out the wires from underneath the radio/electronics area.
SHAWN:
Looks like something's wrong with your in-dash DVD navigation and integrated surround sound system.
GUS:
That was my speedometer. Now I can't see how fast I'm going.
SHAWN:
Regardless, we've gotta take it back to Jonny G. to fix.
INT. BLING IT ON, GARAGE, DAY
GUS and SHAWN enter the garage and approach one of the mechanics who is holding a clipboard.
SHAWN:
Hey, dude. Is Jonny G. around?
MECHANIC:
Uh, don't know. We've been busy.
SHAWN:
What you working on there?
MECHANIC:
Getting this fleet ready to ship to Arizona.
The MECHANIC lowers the clipboard and SHAWN reads it upside-down.
SHAWN:
Okay, thanks. (walk away) (to GUS) And stealth mode.
INT. BLING IT ON, OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN opens the door slowly and peeks around. Once he’s sure it’s empty, he enters. GUS closes the door cautiously.
GUS:
What are we looking for, anyway?
SHAWN:
Anything that points to criminal activity. (picks up day book from desk) You know, a white cloth sack with a green dollar sign. A red barrel labeled "TNT." An anvil. Anything. (turns to computer)
GUS:
(takes a rim from a shelf) Check this out.
SHAWN:
What, you already have something? The point of those examples was to imply it wouldn't be so obvious.
GUS:
(plays with rim) Look how light it is.
SHAWN:
Awesome. Flavor Flav can wear it around his neck.
GUS:
Flav wears clocks, not rims, Shawn.
SHAWN’S cell rings. He makes a face as he answers it.
GUS:
(whispers) Why don't you put your phone on vibrate? (goes to door)
SHAWN:
(answers phone) Dad, this is not a good... Okay, relax. I will be right there. (ends call) We gotta go.
GUS:
Go? We either need to be working on this case, or I need to be back on my vacation.
SHAWN:
He said he needed me there immediately. I've never heard him sound this urgent. I hope everything's okay.
They sneak out of the office.
EXT. HENRY’S HOUSE, YARD, DAY
HENRY slaps a fish on the picnic table.
HENRY:
Here. Scale.
SHAWN and GUS are standing on the porch.
SHAWN:
This was the urgent emergency?
HENRY:
Yeah. Gotta get these on the grill before it's too late.
SHAWN walks over to HENRY.
SHAWN:
I can't believe you had me rush down here for this, Dad. I thought something was actually wrong with you. What's wrong with you?
HENRY:
You remember how to scale, don't you, Shawn?
SHAWN:
Yes, I remember how to scale. You only made me do it 1000 times as a kid. A kid who didn't believe in animal cruelty, by the way.
On the porch, GUS makes faces as HENRY scales the fish.
HENRY:
Those animals would've killed you dead, given the means. All right, you scrape the scales, you don't bruise the flesh, you make an incision around the gill, and you fillet...
SHAWN:
Down the spine.
HENRY:
Very good. You do remember. And Gus, you remember... (GUS gags and runs inside) where the bathroom is.
SHAWN:
You're taking me away from very important work right now. (puts on apron) I'll have you know I'm on the verge of uncovering something big, really big. Huge. Did you ever have a case you couldn't crack? (starts scaling)
HENRY:
Yeah. Yeah, sure. Of course. More than a few. But a good detective learns the most when he doesn't get the bad guy.
SHAWN:
No, I got the bad guy.
HENRY:
Oh, well, sometimes he gets off. But a good detective doesn't let that get him down.
SHAWN:
No, he's still in jail. Matter of fact, Chief Vick even says it's my best work.
HENRY:
All right, then what's the problem?
SHAWN:
It doesn't feel like my best work, you know? It feels too easy. Did you ever have that problem?
GUS comes back outside. HENRY takes a knife to the fish’s head sending GUS back inside.
HENRY:
No, Shawn, I don't recall any champagne problems like things being... too easy.
SHAWN:
I don't know, I guess... I just imagined my best work would be more complicated, you know? More... Intricate, important, and... Just more, you know, more.
HENRY:
As always, you go after something for the flash, for the excitement. And when you finally get it, you're never satisfied. It always needs something more.
SHAWN:
That is categorically untrue.
HENRY:
Your best case, what does it need? It needs more excitement. Your first bike, what did it need? More reflectors... Well, Shawn, did you ever stop and think that maybe it's your expectations that need to change? Son, look at me. Look, Shawn. Sometimes, a case... is just a case.
SHAWN flashes on the moment when Mauler barked at the wheels of the Echo.
SHAWN:
Wait a second. Wait a second. I just figured it out.
HENRY:
Wait, wait, don't...Shawn, don't do this.
SHAWN:
Oh, this is much bigger than we thought. And I was right all along.
HENRY:
Shawn, don't you dare... don't you dare learn a wrong lesson while I'm trying to teach you a right lesson!
SHAWN flashes on GUS and the light rims as well as the MECHANIC telling them they were readying a shipment for Arizona. He starts jumping up and down in excitement.
HENRY:
Shawn, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop trying to figure it out. Stop jumping!
GUS rejoins them.
SHAWN:
(pulls off apron) I can't help it! It all makes sense! Gus, we gotta go! I'll explain on the way. (SHAWN runs for the door)
HENRY:
Shawn, Shawn! (SHAWN stops) You should be happy with a job well done, regardless of the excitement that it produces.
SHAWN:
Is that it?
HENRY:
Yeah, that's it.
SHAWN leaves. GUS starts to follow but sees HENRY trying to stretch his shoulder.
GUS:
Is it a tight knot right under the shoulder blade?
HENRY:
Yeah, how'd you know?
SHAWN:
(from inside the house) Gus!
GUS leaves.
EXT. HENRY’S HOUSE, DRIVEWAY, DAY
SHAWN comes out the side door followed by GUS.
SHAWN:
Jonny G. is smuggling drugs out of state inside a car parts. That's why those rims at the office were so light, dude. They were hollow! And that's how he gets the drugs out. And some of that residue must've gotten on your car, which is why that police dog went crazy barking at the wheels.
GUS:
That's what Wally's been covering for all along. He's just a fall guy. Jonny G.'s running the real operation.
They get into the Echo.
INT. ECHO, DAY
They fasten their seatbelts.
SHAWN:
Drug trafficking. We need to make it back to that shop before the evidence leaves for Arizona. Let's go!
GUS drives off.
INT. BLING IT ON, GARAGE, DAY
GUS and SHAWN enter the garage and no one’s there.
SHAWN:
Damn it, we're too late.
GUS:
(looks to the side) Somebody's here.
They run over to a car on a raised platform and see who’s inside.
SHAWN:
(mouths) No.
SHAWN:
Jonny G.!
They wave their arms to get his attention as the windows are closed. SHAWN finds the control for the lift and lowers the car. JONNY G. is lying in the driver’s seat, head back, eyes closed. SHAWN taps on the window. When there’s no reaction, they scream, realizing he’s dead. SHAWN opens the door and they peer at the body.
SHAWN:
Dude! His foot is still on the accelerator.
They both start giggling.
GUS:
(laughing) Stop! This isn't funny.
SHAWN:
(laughing) You stop.
GUS:
(laughing) I can't!
SHAWN sees a canister between the seats still expelling gas.
SHAWN:
(laughing) The nitrous oxide canister's open.
GUS:
(laughing) Laughing gas? That stuff is deadly in high doses.
SHAWN:
(laughing) At least we know what the cause of death is.
INT. PRISON, VISITORS’ ROOM, DAY
SHAWN and GUS hold the phone between them as they talk with WALLY.
WALLY:
I can't believe Jonny G. went out like that.
GUS:
The police suspect foul play. But so far, they have no leads.
WALLY:
All while I was on lockdown? Guess I ended up with a better sentence than Jonny G. did. (points to forehead) Irony.
SHAWN:
We still have a few questions. What do you know about a shipment of custom cars on its way to... Arizona?
WALLY:
We were partners, but Jonny G. was involved in a lot of stuff I didn't know about. If I asked questions, he'd be like, "None of your…” I'd be like, "Okay." Relegate.
GUS:
So... so... you're saying you weren't involved with the custom car shop at all?
WALLY:
I'm saying I was just a front man for the chop shop. And now I'm doing my time, but when I get out, crime's gonna be like, "Come out and play, Wally. Come on." I'm be like, "No. Wally doesn't live here anymore." Re-assimilated.
GUARD:
Time's up.
WALLY kisses his first two fingers and presses them against the window. GUS hesitantly mirrors the action, but WALLY is already standing and walking away. He looks over his shoulder and SHAWN catches that same sly smile as when he was taken away in the patrol car. A guard escorts WALLY from the room.
SHAWN:
(whispers into the phone) Dude. I'm starting to think I was wrong about Wally.
GUS:
(whispers into phone) When? The first time or the second time?
SHAWN:
(whispers into phone) Both. I think he's the mastermind behind this whole drug thing and Jonny G.'s murder.
GUS:
(whispers into phone) But Wally was in jail when Jonny G. died.
SHAWN:
(whispers into phone) Yeah. He made sure of that. (realizes he’s talking into a phone) This is a little awkward.
GUS:
Yeah. Let's get outta here.
GUS hangs up the phone and they get up and leave.
INT. PSYCH OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN paces the floor, squeaky frog in hand.
SHAWN:
Wally made it easy for us to catch him because he wanted to get thrown in jail. That way, he'd be locked up when he murdered Jonny G.
GUS:
(looks up from computer) Which would give him the perfect alibi.
SHAWN:
With Jonny G. out of the way, Wally assumes sole control of the custom car shop.
GUS:
And the secret drug operation.
SHAWN:
(British accent) Hello, motive, my old friend.
GUS:
Get this. According to public court records, Wally posted bail this morning.
SHAWN:
Why wait until now? (realizes) Dude, because the big drug deal goes down today!
GUS:
But we don't know when or where.
SHAWN:
(sighs) Oh, yes, we do. Yes, we do. You call Fleet Feat Trucking. Find out if they're making any custom car deliveries today. Find out when and where. (slaps the frog on the desk) I'll go get Jules and Lassie. (runs out) Dude, we got this!
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
CARLTON is lecturing to a sparsely populated room of less than enthusiastic listeners.
LASSITER:
As you will see, the tools in the arsenal of the modern-day detective are formidable, to say the least. Lights, please. Enjoy.
The lights dim and the PowerPoint presentation starts. SHAWN is sitting at one of the tables nervously waiting for GUS. GUS enters and sits beside SHAWN.
GUS:
I pretended to be Jonny G.'s lawyer. Got the trucking company to tell me that a fleet from Bling it On is expected to be dropped off at 2:30. I wrote the location down. (hands SHAWN piece of paper)
SHAWN:
(looks at paper) This says "In the middle of a field”. Why did you have to write that down?
GUS:
The address is on the back.
SHAWN:
Nice. (checks watch) We don't...We don't have a lot of time.
LASSITER:
Lights, please.
GUS:
No.
The lights come back on.
LASSITER:
Scientific advancements in the mapping of the human genome, in the manipulation of the building blocks of matter itself, have taken law enforcement into the 21st century and beyond.
JULIET stands and claps. The audience follows.
LASSITER:
Thank you. Thanks very much. (sits on the edge of the table) So, are there any questions?
A YOUNG WOMAN raises her hand.
LASSITER:
Yes.
YOUNG WOMAN:
I thought you were gonna show us some new law enforcement techniques. We've seen all these things on CSI.
LASSITER:
Well, I can assure you that this technology represents the latest available to police departments.
SHAWN looks nervously at his watch as LASSITER talks. To speed things along, he has a “vision”.
SHAWN:
Oh, now you're onto something, Lassie!
SHAWN holds his hands in front of him as he stands, pretending to be drawn towards the front of the room.
LASSITER:
(peers) Spencer? Nobody called for a psychic.
YOUNG MAN:
Psychic? Awesome!
The YOUNG WOMAN stands as SHAWN and GUS pass her table.
SHAWN:
I'm getting a reading here. It's strange. (clamps his hands on a pitcher) Gus, what is this?
GUS:
I think you may be magnetized.
GUS tries to pull the pitcher from his hands and they both groan with the effort. LASSITER pinches his nose as SHAWN carries on. He becomes attached to a second pitcher and bashes the two together. He drops them and staggers forward, picking up another pitcher on the way. He reaches the table and LASSITER takes the pitcher.
LASSITER:
Give me. Right in the middle of my presentation.
SHAWN opens the laptop and types on it as if he is being forced.
YOUNG WOMAN:
Wait, is he police sanctioned?
LASSITER:
(realizing this could change the tone of the presentation) Yes. Yes, he is. Because we at the Santa Barbara Police Department believe in using every tool in our arsenal to combat crime, and Mr. Spencer here is often under my jurisdiction.
SHAWN:
(panting) Wait, I'm getting a location. (pulls his search on the main screen) It's an abandoned railroad track, but why? Please tell me, spirits of cutting-edge law enforcement technology. I'm getting Michael Douglas. Catherine Zeta-Jones. The always under-appreciated Don Cheadle.
GUS:
You know that's right.
YOUNG WOMAN:
Traffic.
SHAWN:
(picks up gun)(fake Cuban accent) “Say hello to my little friend!”
YOUNG MAN:
Uh, Scarface.
LASSITER yanks the gun from SHAWN.
YOUNG WOMAN:
They're all movies about drugs!
SHAWN:
Yes! Drugs! There must be a giant drug deal going down there! Right now!
JULIET:
We can send a squad car over to check it out.
LASSITER:
(resignedly) Fine.
SHAWN:
There's no time! It's happening in ten minutes. We have to go now!
LASSITER:
We can't get there in ten minutes.
GUS:
I can. Let's roll. (holds up keys and runs for the door)
SHAWN runs after GUS.
LASSITER:
Fine.
YOUNG WOMAN:
Can we come?
LASSITER:
Yes, of course you can come. You wait out front. And we'll pull around for you.
LASSITER and JULIET run out of the room after GUS and SHAWN.
EXT. ABANDONED RAILROAD YARD, DAY
WALLY’S business partner opens a briefcase to reveal it loaded with straps of bills. WALLY looks at it in admiration. Behind them are cars on trailers.
WALLY:
It's been a pleasure doing business with you.
BUYER:
Thank you.
Police sirens sound and the Echo leads the way into the lot. JULIET and LASSITER get out of the back seat and aim their gun at WALLY and the BUYER.
LASSITER:
Get up against the car. Turn around! (puts WALLY against the car) Up against the car!
LASSITER cuffs WALLY and JULIET cuffs the BUYER.
WALLY:
Look, we were just having a business transaction. I was like, "Here are your automotive parts, good sir," and he's like, "Please, take my money”. Capitalism.
LASSITER grabs WALLY by the arms and pushes him towards the patrol cars.
LASSITER:
Come on.
SHAWN:
Oh, Wally. Selling custom car parts is legal. Killing Jonny G. to take over his drug operation... not legal.
WALLY:
I'm laughing. Ha ha ha ha. Entertained.
SHAWN:
Well, we try. Makes perfect sense, though. Knowing how much you resented Jonny G. for not including you in the real business down at the shop, huh? (remembers talking with WALLY in prison) You figured out a way to take him out and take over his entire enterprise. You got yourself arrested because you knew that in jail, you'd have the perfect alibi when Jonny G. showed up dead.
We see WALLY stealing LASSITER’S car.
SHAWN:
Brilliantly planned this murder beforehand, knowing that Jonny G. is a creature of habit. (remembers JONNY G. liked to do final checks himself) That he personally inspects every single car on the day that it's supposed to be delivered, and that he is very, very thorough. So you figured out which canister of nitrous oxide he'd be using, and rigged it so it would leak when the gauge redlined.
We see WALLY fixing the canister.
WALLY:
Very creative. But unlike last time, there's no evidence. The People's burden.
SHAWN:
(nods at WALLY’S words then looks at JULIET) I'm sorry, Jules, what was that?
JULIET:
Oh, I didn't say anything.
SHAWN:
You didn't say anything?
JULIET:
No.
SHAWN:
Well, who's the chatty Cathy with... back there in... nothing? Well, who's... who's talking?(looks to the officers who shake their heads) Some... somebody that saw everything go down. (backs up to the cars, hand to his ear) Wha... who... who is that? (stops in front of a car and pats it) It's Bessie. It's Bessie the Mustang. She's a female Mustang. That doesn't make any sense. Technically, that would make her a... what?
GUS:
That would be a filly.
SHAWN:
A filly, everyone. Bessie is technically a filly, she... (leans in towards the car) I'm sorry, what? Put his what in your what? (spins a spoiler on the hubcap) Check inside Bessie's wheels. Check inside her wheels.
SHAWN steps away and an officer starts to remove the hubcap.
WALLY:
Okay, stop. You don't have a warrant. That's illegal seizure. Bill of Rights.
LASSITER:
Very suspicious behavior.
JULIET:
Probable cause.
SHAWN:
Nice, Jules.
The OFFICER walks over with the hubcap showing bags of drugs fastened to the inside.
OFFICER:
It's drugs.
SHAWN:
Uh-oh.
LASSITER:
You are under arrest. But this time, it's for drug trafficking and murder. (leads WALLY to the car)
SHAWN:
Guess that's three strikes.
GUS:
Legislated!
SHAWN:
Oh, nice, Gus.
SHAWN and GUS fist bump then wiggle their fingers as they make a trilling sound.
INT. SPA, RECEPTION, DAY
SHAWN and GUS enter the spa.
SHAWN:
Oh! Oh, we deserve this.
GUS:
Oh, tell me about it.
They walk up to the desk.
SHAWN:
Hey, dude.
EMPLOYEE:
Hey.
GUS:
Yeah, we'd like to schedule a couple of massages with Gloria.
EMPLOYEE:
I'm sorry, but Gloria's still booked. The only slot she has available is a couples' session.
SHAWN and GUS answer at the same time.
SHAWN:
That's fine.
GUS:
No.
GUS stares at SHAWN.
SHAWN:
I mean, no way.
GUS:
Thank you.
They walk away from the desk.
GUS:
What's wrong with you?
SHAWN:
Dude, you're the one who said she's so amazing. I figured it was worth it.
They walk towards the exit.
GUS:
Me and you in the same room with just a towel between us? Not gonna happen. She's blind. I'm not. That's naked and ashamed, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Maybe you're ashamed.
GUS:
Naked and ashamed.
SHAWN:
You're ashamed.
GUS:
I'm not ashamed, Shawn.
SHAWN:
Full of shame.
GUS:
I am not!
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