Transcript: 7xXX The Snowmen (1/2)

[jpgr]

ENGLAND, 1842

EXT. BACK GARDEN, DAY

Children are playing in the snow, having a snowball fight. One boy, WALTER, is by himself building a snowman. His MOTHER comes up behind him.

MOTHER:
Walter? Don't you want to go and play with the other boys and girls? They're very nice.

WALTER:
I don't need anyone else.

WALTER’S UNCLE JOSH comes out of the building and stands next to the WOMAN.

MOTHER:
(to UNCLE JOSH) He never talks to anyone. He's so alone. It's not right. It's not healthy.

The couple heads back inside.

WALTER:
(to SNOWMAN) I don't want to talk to them. They're silly.

SNOWMAN:
They're silly.

WALTER looks around to see if someone is playing a prank on him. The other children are still playing.

SNOWMAN:
Don't talk to them. They're silly.

WALTER runs away but stops when the SNOWMAN speaks again.

SNOWMAN:
Don't need anyone else. I can help you.

WALTER:
(walks back) How?

50 YEARS LATER

EXT. LONDON ALLEY, NIGHT

An older, stern-faced WALTER SIMEON stands impassive as he watches men scrape snow from snowmen into jars. The jars are then placed in a carriage which bears the insignia “GI”.

EXT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, NIGHT

The carriage arrives at the elegant building behind high wrought iron fences.

INT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, STUDY, NIGHT

SIMEON enters the office holding a jar and walks towards a large globe on top of a large dais at one side of the room. Electricity crackles around it.

SIMEON:
The last of the arrivals have been sampled.

INTELLIGENCE:
(the same voice as the snowman) The great swarm is approaching. As humanity celebrates, so shall it end. Will the final piece be ready?

SIMEON opens a small door on the globe and empties the jar of snow inside.

SIMEON:
It's in hand. I serve you in this, as in everything else.

INTELLIGENCE:
And do you keep my secrets, those men who helped us tonight?

SIMEON:
It won't be a problem. I promised to feed them.

EXT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, NIGHT

The men are gathered in a courtyard and look up as SIMEON steps out on a balcony.

MAN:
Beg pardon, Dr Simeon... it's been a long day. I don't see any food here.

SIMEON:
I do.

Snowmen burst up from the ground, surrounding the men, baring their teeth.

MAN:
What is this?

SIMEON:
I said I'd feed you. I didn't say who to.

The gathered men scream in anguish and we hear the snowmen growl and snarl. SIMEON walks away.

INT. ROSE & CROWN, NIGHT

The pub is doing a good business. One of the barmaids, CLARA, collects empty tankards on a tray.

EXT. ROSE & CROWN, NIGHT

CLARA brings the tankards outside. She hears a noise and sets the tray down on a barrel. She looks and sees a snowman standing there. A MAN walks past.

CLARA:
Did you make this snowman?

MAN:
No. (keeps walking)

CLARA:
Well, who did? Cos it wasn't there a second ago. It just appeared, from nowhere.

The MAN stops and turns around. It is the DOCTOR in Victorian garb. He walks backs to CLARA and slips on a pair of glasses – the ones Amy left behind. He looks at the snowman and pinches some snow off it.

DOCTOR:
Maybe it's snow that fell before. Maybe it remembers how to make snowmen.

CLARA:
What, snow that can remember? That's silly.

DOCTOR:
What's wrong with silly?

CLARA:
Nothing. Still talking to you, ain't I?

The DOCTOR smiles and takes off the glasses.

DOCTOR:
What's your name?

CLARA:
Clara.

DOCTOR:
Nice name, Clara. You should definitely keep it. (walks away) Goodbye!

After a pause, CLARA chases after him.

CLARA:
Oi! (plants hands on hips) Where are you going? I thought we were just getting acquainted.

DOCTOR:
(turns around) Those were the days. (walks away)

CLARA turns back for the pub and pauses when she hears a carriage driver call to the horses. She looks down the way the DOCTOR walked, throws down her shawl and runs after him. She spots the carriage and runs after it.

INT. CARRIAGE, NIGHT

The DOCTOR sits in the carriage, an old-fashioned speaker hanging from the roof. VASTRA’S voice comes over the speaker.

VASTRA:
'How refreshing to see you taking an interest again. Was she nice?'

DOCTOR:
I just spoke to her.

VASTRA:
'And made your usual impact, no doubt.'

DOCTOR:
No, no impact at all. Those days are over.

VASTRA:
'You can't help yourself.'

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. VASTRA’S CONSERVATORY, NIGHT

VASTRA is sitting and speaking into a disguised communication device.

VASTRA:
It's the same story, every time. And it always begins with the same two words.

DOCTOR:
She'll never be able to find me again, she doesn't even have the name. Doctor - what two words?

CLARA drops her head through the flap at the top of the carriage.

CLARA:
Doctor? Doctor who?

**********************************************************************
Matt Smith
Jenna-Louise Coleman

DOCTOR WHO
“The Snowmen”
By
Steven Moffat

PRODUCER
Marcus Wilson

DIRECTOR
Saul Metzstein

**********************************************************************

EXT. STREET, NIGHT

A carriage progresses slowly through the streets.

EXT. LATIMER HOUSE, FRONT, NIGHT

The carriage arrives in front of the Latimer house and Captain LATIMER steps down. The carriage drives away. The maid ALICE greets him at the door.

ALICE:
Good evening, sir.

WALTER:
(pauses and looks at frozen pond) Pond's frozen over. Hasn't frozen since the night...

SIMEON steps out of the house to stand beside LATIMER.

SIMEON:
Since the night your children's governess died, a year ago.

LATIMER looks to ALICE.

ALICE:
Dr Simeon, sir - he insisted on waiting.

SIMEON:
(looks straight ahead at pond) She drowned in this very pond, which then froze. You didn't find her till a month later, when the ice finally melted.

LATIMER:
I recall the incident. It is the sort of thing one remembers.

SIMEON:
The ice remembers too.

LATIMER:
Who are you? What do you want here?

SIMEON holds up a business card and LATIMER takes it.

SIMEON:
The pond is yours, Captain Latimer, but what is growing inside it, when it is ready, is ours. Good evening. (leaves)

The ice on the pond creaks as it thickens.

EXT. LONDON ALLEY, NIGHT

SIMEON walks along but is blocked by a woman clad in figure-hugging black leather. It is JENNY.

JENNY:
Well, Dr Simeon, you're out very late tonight.

A second figure walks up behind SIMEON dressed in a black gown with her face hidden behind a veil. It is VASTRA.

VASTRA:
Almost makes you wonder what you've been up to. But then, I have often wondered about the activities of Dr Simeon and his exceptionally secretive Institute.

SIMEON:
Well, I am honoured this evening. The veiled detective and her fatuous accomplice.

JENNY:
(curtseys mockingly) At your service.

SIMEON:
You realise Dr Doyle is almost certainly basing his fantastical tales on your own exploits? With a few choice alterations, of course. I doubt the readers of The Strand magazine would accept that the great detective is, in reality... (lifts VASTRA’S veil) a woman. And her suspiciously intimate companion...

VASTRA:
I resent your implication of impropriety! We are married.

JENNY:
More than can be said for you, eh, dear?

VASTRA:
Now then - this snow is interesting, don't you think? (picks up some snow from the top of a barrel) The ice crystals seem to have a low level telepathic field. Almost as if it can detect and respond to the thoughts and memories of the people around it. Memory snow. Snow that learns.

SIMEON:
How fascinating.

VASTRA lets the snow fall through her fingers.

VASTRA:
I hope it's listening to the right people. It could be a terrible weapon in the wrong hands, don't you think?

SIMEON:
I think winter is coming. Such a winter as this world has never known. The last winter of humankind. Do you know why I'm telling you all this?

VASTRA:
I am intrigued.

SIMEON:
Because there is not a single thing you can do to stop it. (walks away)

VASTRA:
Perhaps I can't, but I know a man who can.

SIMEON:
(pauses) I look forward to meeting him. (walks away)

JENNY:
Do you mean the Doctor? He won't help us, he never helps any more, you know that.

VASTRA:
Yes, my dear, I do, so pray for a miracle because I think we are going to need him.

EXT. STREET, NIGHT

The Great Intelligence Institute is under observation with futuristic technology. The binoculars are lowered and we see it is STRAX.

STRAX:
They've taken samples from snowmen all over London. What do you suppose they're doing in there?

The DOCTOR is squatting, running the snow through his fingers.

DOCTOR:
This snow is new. Possibly alien. When you find something brand new in the world, something you've never seen before, what's the next thing you look for?

STRAX:
A grenade?

DOCTOR:
A profit. (stands) That's Victorian values for you! (faces STRAX)

STRAX:
I suggest a full frontal assault with automated laser monkeys, scalpel mines and acid.

DOCTOR:
Why?

STRAX:
Couldn't we at least investigate?

DOCTOR:
It's none of our business.

STRAX:
Sir, permission to express my opposition to your current apathy?

DOCTOR:
(leans against a shop-front) Permission granted.

STRAX:
Sir, I am opposed to your current apathy.

CLARA:
(muffled) Let me out of here!

DOCTOR:
Thank you, Strax. And if ever I'm in need of advice from a psychotic potato-dwarf,(takes STRAX’S head in his hands) you'll certainly be the first to know. (releases STRAX)

STRAX:
But if the snow is new and alien, shouldn't we be making some attempt to destroy it? Be reasonable!

The DOCTOR puts a finger to STRAX’S lips. Behind them, we see the carriage rocking back and forth.

CLARA:
(muffled) Let me out!

DOCTOR:
It is not our problem. Over a thousand years of saving the universe, Strax, you know the one thing I learned? The universe doesn't care.

CLARA:
(muffled) Oi, Doctor! Let me out!

DOCTOR:
Now, we have a problem of our own to worry about...(walks to the carriage)

CLARA:
(muffled) Let me out! Oi!

The DOCTOR opens the carriage door and CLARA presses against the opposite side. The DOCTOR sits across from her.

DOCTOR:
Don't worry. No-one's going to hurt you.

CLARA:
(sees STRAX) What is that thing?

STRAX:
Silence, boy!

DOCTOR:
That's Strax and as you can see, he's easily confused.

STRAX:
Silence, girl. Sorry, lad.

DOCTOR:
Sontaran. Clone warrior race - factory produced, whole legions at a time. Two genders is a bit further than he can count.

STRAX:
Sir, do not discuss my reproductive cycle in front of enemy girls! It's embarrassing.

DOCTOR:
(whispers to CLARA) Typical middle child of six million.

CLARA:
Who are you?

DOCTOR:
It doesn't matter because you're about to forget that you and I ever met. (to STRAX) We'll need the worm.

STRAX:
Sir. (leaves)

CLARA:
You'll need the what? The worm? What worm?

DOCTOR:
Don't worry, it won't hurt, but one touch on your bare skin and you'll lose the last hour of your memory.

STRAX returns empty-handed.

DOCTOR:
Where is it?

STRAX:
Where's what, sir?

DOCTOR:
I sent you to get the memory worm.

STRAX:
Did you? When? Who's he? What are we doing here? Look, it's been snowing!

DOCTOR:
You didn't use the gauntlets, did you?

STRAX:
Why would I need the gauntlets? Do you want me to get the memory worm?

>>>LATER>>>

STRAX is under the carriage looking for the worm. The DOCTOR and CLARA stand by and watch.

DOCTOR:
Can you see it?

STRAX:
I think I can hear it.

The DOCTOR looks over at CLARA who is trying to hide a smile.

DOCTOR:
Oi, (points) don't try to run away, stay where you are.

CLARA:
Why would I run? I know what's going to happen next - and it's funny.

DOCTOR:
What's funny?

CLARA:
Your little pal, for a start. Ugly little fella, isn't he?

DOCTOR:
Maybe. He gave his life for a friend of mine once.

CLARA:
Then how come he's alive?

DOCTOR:
Another friend brought him back. I'm not sure all his brains made the return trip!

CLARA:
Neither am I.

STRAX:
I can see it.

DOCTOR:
Oooh! Can you reach it? Have you got it?

STRAX:
Got what, sir?

CLARA:
(picks up a pair of large gloves) Because these are the gauntlets, aren't they?

STRAX:
Sir! Emergency! I think I've been run over by a cab!

>>>LATER>>>

The DOCTOR stands up with the squirming worm in the grasp of the gauntlets.

DOCTOR:
There you go. One touch and you lose about an hour of your memory. Let it bite you and you could lose decades. (shoves the worm in a jar) And you're still not trying to run.

CLARA:
I don't understand how the snowman built itself. I'll run once you've explained.

DOCTOR:
Clara who?

CLARA:
Doctor who?

DOCTOR:
Oh, dangerous question.

CLARA:
What's wrong with dangerous?

DOCTOR:
The snow emits a low level telepathic field...

As the DOCTOR explains, CLARA turns her head just as a snowman appears.

CLARA:
My snowman...

DOCTOR:
…seems to reflect people's thoughts and memories and because it's unusual, somehow it carries a previous shape and...

CLARA:
No, Doctor! (grabs the DOCTOR by the arm and points at the snowman) My snowman!

DOCTOR:
Ah! Interesting. Well, were you thinking about it?

They approach the snowman.

CLARA:
Yes.

Another snowman appears next to the first.

DOCTOR:
Well, stop.

They turn to run in the other direction and find a third snowman.

DOCTOR:
Clara, stop thinking about the snowmen!

More snowmen appear and open their mouths. The DOCTOR kneels down and grips CLARA’S head in his hands.

DOCTOR:
Get down! Clara, listen to me, the snow is feeding off your thoughts.

CLARA:
I don't understand.

DOCTOR:
You're caught in their telepathic field, they're mirroring you. The more you think about them, the more they appear. Imagine them melting, picture it, picture them melted!

CLARA and the DOCTOR close their eyes and are soon splashed by melted snowmen.

DOCTOR:
Well, very good - very, very good! (stands and laughs)

CLARA:
Is that going to happen again?

DOCTOR:
If it does, you know what to do about it.

CLARA:
Unless I forget.

The DOCTOR walks CLARA to the carriage.

DOCTOR:
Don't come looking for me - forget about me. You understand?

CLARA:
(gets into the carriage) What about the snow? Shouldn't we be warning people?

DOCTOR:
Not my problem. (closes door) Merry Christmas! (to STRAX) Take her back where we found her.

STRAX:
Sir.

The DOCTOR walks away and STRAX drives off. As the carriage pulls away, CLARA is revealed to have gotten out and she follows the DOCTOR.

EXT. PARK, NIGHT

The DOCTOR jumps the wrought-iron fence. He looks around cautiously before slipping his hands in his pockets and sauntering while whistling “Silent Night”. He looks around again before jumping up and catching on an invisible ladder. As he pulls it down, CLARA peers out from behind a tree. The DOCTOR climbs the ladder and it retracts, becoming invisible once again. CLARA walks over to the spot where the ladder appeared and looks up at the empty sky. She jumps up in an attempt to reach the ladder, but falls to the ground. She tries a second time and reaches it.

CLARA:
Come on.

She pulls the ladder down and climbs it. She reaches a small landing and looks down at the street and the passers-by.

CLARA:
(waves) Hello. (no one sees her) Invisible. (looks at spiral staircase behind her) An invisible staircase.(climbs)

EXT. SKY, NIGHT

CLARA climbs the staircase as it reaches high above London. As she does so, the ladder retracts. The staircase ends in the clouds. CLARA looks around at the stars before she sees the TARDIS. She tentatively steps forwards, finding herself on solid footing. She walks over to the TARDIS and touches it, quickly pulling her hand away. She reaches out and knocks on the door. She hears a noise from within and hides on the side as the DOCTOR opens the door and peers out.

DOCTOR:
Hello?

CLARA moves towards the back of the TARDIS as the DOCTOR steps out and walks forward. He looks around.

DOCTOR:
Hello?

The DOCTOR goes around the TARDIS but as he is in the back, CLARA reaches the front and runs down the stairs.

DOCTOR:
Hello?

The DOCTOR makes his way to the front and over to the staircase where he spots CLARA’S shawl. He looks down the staircase and sees her.

EXT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, NIGHT

A carriage pulls up in front of the building.

INT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, STUDY, NIGHT

The VOICE of the GREAT INTELLIGENCE speaks as SIMEON brings more snow and places it within the globe.

INTELLIGENCE:
Tonight the thaw, tomorrow the snow will fall again, yet stronger. The drowned woman and the dreaming child will give us form at last. Tomorrow the snow will fall and so shall mankind. She is coming.

EXT. LATIMER HOUSE, FRONT, NIGHT

A figure moves in the frozen pond.

INT. ROSE & CROWN, CLARA’S ROOM, DAY

CLARA wakes up and smiles. She then sits up in bed and looks at a bag on a chair.

EXT. ROSE & CROWN, DAY

CLARA walks out of the door to see no snowman.

CLARA:
Look at that. Must have thawed in the night.

BOB CHILCOTT, the innkeeper of the Rose and Crown stands in the doorway.

BOB:
I'm begging you, Clara, I'm on my knees.

CLARA:
Elsie is back this afternoon - I was only helping out. I've got my own work to get back to.

BOB:
What work? Why won't you ever tell us?

CLARA:
You'd never believe me! (blows a kiss and leaves)

INT. CARRIAGE, DAY

CLARA pulls down the shades and opens the bag. She pulls out a gown before letting down her hair. She then begins to unbutton her dress.

EXT. LATIMER HOUSE, FRONT, DAY

The carriage pulls up in front of the house and CLARA alights now wearing a gown befitting someone of a higher station. She greets ALICE in a posh accent.

CLARA:
Alice, how smart you look today.

ALICE:
The governess should enter by the back door, unless accompanied by the children.

The two women smile at each other.

CLARA:
And how are the children? Excited about tomorrow?

ALICE:
Francesca, same as ever. Digby says he missed you every day. Captain Latimer wants to see you.

CLARA:
Of course. (picks up her bag and walks inside, stopping in the doorway) Every day?

ALICE:
Twice on Saturdays.

CLARA:
That's better.

INT. LATIMER HOUSE, LATIMER’S STUDY, DAY

LATIMER is holding SIMEON’S card when CLARA knocks on the door and enters.

CLARA:
Captain Latimer.

LATIMER:
(turns around) Ah. Miss Montague, you're back.

CLARA:
In time for Christmas. Apologies for my brief absence - family illness is so unpredictable. You wanted to see me?

LATIMER:
Francesca has been having nightmares.

CLARA:
Young girls often do.

LATIMER:
Every night this week, she says. Won't tell me about them.

CLARA:
Perhaps if you asked her in the right way, there's no-one she'd rather tell.

LATIMER:
Children are not really my area of expertise...

CLARA:
They are, however, your children.

LATIMER:
You have, if I may say, a remarkable amount of wisdom in these matters, for one so... very pretty, Miss Montague. Young, I mean.

CLARA:
I'll see to the children now. (leaves)

EXT. LATIMER HOUSE, BACK GARDEN, DAY

FRANCESCA and DIGBY are playing in tag. They rush over when they see CLARA.

FRANCESCA:
Miss Montague!

DIGBY:
Miss Montague, you're back!

CLARA:
Ah, ah, ah!

DIGBY:
Good morning, Miss Montague.

FRANCESCA:
Good morning, Miss Montague.

CLARA:
Good morning, Francesca. Good morning, Digby. (shakes their hands) Christmas Eve is the most thrilling day, don't

you think? Now, what have you two been up to while I've been away?

DIGBY:
I did seven drawings and we saw a dead cow.

CLARA:
Well, how exciting!

DIGBY:
Do your secret voice!

CLARA:
(looks around before bending over and using her real voice) 'Ello, mates!

The children laugh.

>>>LATER>>>

CLARA sits next to FRANCESCA on a bench while DIGBY plays with a ball.

FRANCESCA:
They're not exactly nightmares. Just dreams.

DIGBY:
About our old governess - the one who died. (taunting) She's haunting Frannie from beyond the grave!

CLARA:
Haven't you spoken to your father about this? (looks to the window of LATIMER’S study)

FRANCESCA:
You can't talk about things like that to Daddy.

CLARA:
You could try.

DIGBY:
Do you want to see where she died?

EXT. LATIMER HOUSE, FRONT, DAY

DIGBY points to the pond as CLARA and FRANCESCA follow.

DIGBY:
She fell in there. And then it froze, she was in the ice for days and days. I hated her. She was cross all the time. In Frannie's dream, she's still down there, waiting to come back.

CLARA:
Everything else has thawed, but this pond... (taps ice) is still frozen.

CLARA remembers what the DOCTOR told her about the snow.

DOCTOR: (v.o.)
'The snow is feeding off your thoughts - the more you think about the snowmen, the more they appear.'

CLARA:
Frannie, this is important. You dream about her. What do you dream?

FRANCESCA:
She's cross with me. She says I've been bad and she's going to come out of the pond and punish me!

CLARA:
When?

FRANCESCA:
She said she'd come back for Christmas. Tonight.

DIGBY:
I think Frannie's gone mad, don't you? I think she needs a doctor.

EXT. PARK, DAY

CLARA hurries into the park and calls up to the sky.

CLARA:
Doctor! Doctor!

People stop to watch her.

MAN 1:
What's she looking at?

MAN 2:
She's asking for a doctor.

CLARA:
Doctor!

JENNY sees her and rushes inside the park to top her from attracting more attention.

JENNY:
Now then, that's enough noise! We don't want to attract attention, do we?

CLARA:
I'm looking for the Doctor. Do you know about him?

JENNY:
The Doctor? Doctor who?

CLARA looks at JENNY, knowing they share the same secret.

INT. VASTRA’S CONSERVATORY, DAY

STRAX blocks the entrance to the conservatory.

STRAX:
Do not attempt to escape or you will be obliterated! May I take your coat?

CLARA gives STRAX her coat and hat and he steps aside. VASTRA is sitting in a high-back cane chair sipping on a red drink. CLARA stops and stares at VASTRA.

JENNY:
Sit.

VASTRA:
There are two refreshments in your world the colour of red wine. This is not red wine. (sets glass on table)

CLARA sits.

JENNY:
Madame Vastra will ask you questions. You will confine yourself to single word responses. One word only, do you understand?

CLARA:
Why?

VASTRA:
Truth is singular - lies are words, words, words. You met the Doctor, didn't you?

CLARA:
Yes.

VASTRA:
And now you've come looking for him again. Why?

JENNY:
Take your time. One word only.

CLARA:
Curiosity.

VASTRA:
About?

CLARA:
Snow.

VASTRA:
And about him?

CLARA:
Yes.

VASTRA:
What do you want from him?

CLARA:
Help.

VASTRA:
Why?

CLARA:
Danger.

VASTRA:
Why would he help you?

CLARA:
Kindness.

VASTRA:
The Doctor is not kind.

CLARA:
No?

VASTRA:
No. The Doctor does not help people. Not anyone, not ever. He stands above this world and doesn't interfere in the affairs of its inhabitants. He is not your salvation, nor your protector. Do you understand what I'm saying to you?

CLARA:
Words.

JENNY smiles.

VASTRA:
He was different once, a long time ago. Kind, yes. A hero, even, a saver of worlds. But he suffered losses which hurt him. Now he prefers isolation to the possibility of pain's return. Kindly choose a word to indicate your understanding of this.

CLARA:
Man.

VASTRA looks over at JENNY who nods her head.

VASTRA:
We are the Doctor's friends. We assist him in his isolation but that does not mean we approve of it. So... a test for you. Give me a message for the Doctor. Tell him all about the snow and what fresh danger you believe it presents, and above all, explain why he should help you. (CLARA takes a breath and VASTRA places a finger to her lips) But do it in one word. You are thinking it is impossible that such a word exists, or that you could even find it. Let's see if the gods are with you.

CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH –

- CUT TO:

INT. TARDIS

The DOCTOR is reading in the muted blue light when the phone rings. He answers in frustration.

DOCTOR:
Yes, what? I'm trying to read!

VASTRA:
Miss Clara and her concerns about the snow. I gave her the one-word test.

DOCTOR:
'Always pointless. What did she say? Well? Well?'

VASTRA:
Pond.

The DOCTOR stares ahead, stunned. He removes his glasses.

VASTRA:
Strax has already suggested where to start investigating.

INT. GREAT INTELLIGENCE HQ, STUDY, DAY

SIMEON is sitting at his desk.

INTELLIGENCE:
Danger. Danger.

SIMEON:
What's wrong? (stands and walks over to the globe)

INTELLIGENCE:
There is danger here. An intelligence. An intelligence beyond anything else in this time and place.

A CLERK enters the room.

CLERK:
Dr Simeon, sir, there's someone demanding to see you.

SIMEON:
No callers, not in here, not ever. Did he leave his name?

CLERK:
Sir... it's Sherlock Holmes!

The DOCTOR enters the office wearing an Inverness cape and a deerstalker hat and carrying a cane.

DOCTOR:
Ooh, nice office. Big globey thing. Now, shut up, don't tell me! (points with cane) I see from your collar stud you have an apple tree and a wife with a limp. Am I right?

SIMEON:
No.

DOCTOR:
But you've got a wife?

SIMEON:
No.

DOCTOR:
Bit of a tree? Bit of a wife? Some apples? Come on, work with me here.

SIMEON:
I enjoy The Strand magazine as much as the next man but I am perfectly aware that Sherlock Holmes is a fictional character. Get out!!

DOCTOR:
(points to CLERK with cane) Do you have a goldfish named Colin?

CLERK:
No. (leaves)

DOCTOR:
Thought not. Now... Ooh! I see this is one of your business cards – (picks it up off the desk and holds it in front of SIMEON’S face) it says so on the front!

SIMEON:
Who are you? What are you doing here?

DOCTOR:
This. (runs over to globe) Wakey, wakey! (swings at it with cane)

SIMEON:
That is highly valuable equipment, (grips the cane) you must step away now.

INTELLIGENCE:
We are the Intelligence.

DOCTOR:
Oh! Talking snow. I love new things.

INTELLIGENCE:
You are not of this world.

DOCTOR:
Takes one to SNOW one! Right, let's see. (walks around globe) Multi-nucleate, crystalline organism with the ability to mimic and mirror what it finds. (taps glass) Looks like snow. Isn't snow.

SIMEON:
You must leave here now!

DOCTOR:
Shut up, I'm making deductions, it's very exciting. Now, what are you, eh? (paces, twirling cane) A flock of space crystals? A swarm?

As the DOCTOR talks, SIMEON goes to a panel on the wall and turns a handle which rings a bell help.

DOCTOR:
The snowmen are foot soldiers, mindless predators. But you - you're the clever one. You're Moriarty. So you turn up on a planet, you generate a telepathic field to learn what you can, (uses sonic over his shoulder) and when you've learnt enough, what do you do? You can't conquer the world using snowmen. Snowmen are rubbish in July. You'll have to be better than that. You'll have to evolve.

CLERK:
(muffled from outside) Sir, it appears to be stuck!

SIMEON:
What have you done? Have you locked the doors? (goes to door and pulls on handles)

DOCTOR:
You need to translate yourself into something more, well, human.

SIMEON:
Kick it down!

DOCTOR:
To do that you'd need a perfect duplicate of human DNA in ice form - where do you find that? (turns and looks at desk)

CLERK:
(muffled from outside) Sir?

SIMEON:
Get in here! Quickly!

CLERK:
(muffled from outside) I've got a master key somewhere, sir.

DOCTOR:
(goes to desk) Let's see. Most opened file... (tosses files in the air) most viewed page. (file falls to the floor open) You really should delete your history! (points with cane) "Governess frozen in pond." Gotcha! (looks at SIMEON with a smile)

CLERK:
(muffled from outside) Got it, sir!

SIMEON:
Get in here! (two footmen enter) Take him downstairs.

They turn around to find the DOCTOR gone, slipped through another door.

Part 2

Comments

[badwolfjen.livejournal.com]

Thanks for spending the time and doing all these DW Tran's.

[jpgr.livejournal.com]

Consider it a labor of love

[loissmith.livejournal.com]

awesome

[pullingbunch.livejournal.com]

nice

[doutpaddle.livejournal.com]

well

[pinkwidow.livejournal.com]

good