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jpgr1987
EXT. FULLER’S YARD, DAY
A basketball sits on a lawn of overgrown grass, weeds and dead leaves. SHAWN and GUS peer over the fence.
SHAWN:
No one ever gets their ball back from mean Old Man Fuller's yard.
GUS:
This sucks.
EXT. GUSTERS’ YARD, DAY
SHAWN and GUS drop back to the ground on their side of the fence and sit.
SHAWN:
I know. We were tied 114 to 114, and I was up.
GUS:
We weren't supposed to be playing with my new ball.
SHAWN:
I'll give you 1,000 outs if you go get it.
GUS:
2,000.
SHAWN:
Done.
They both stand and face the fence.
SHAWN:
(puts hands together to boost GUS) Ready?
GUS:
Okay, you got it. All right, almost got it. There I go...
GUS fall over the top of the fence into Fuller’s yard.
SHAWN:
Gus!
GUS:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
Is the ball all right?
GUS:
I can't get back over.
FULLER:
(off-screen) Get that ball off my grass! Get out of my yard!
SHAWN:
(slowly backs away) Gus, I'm really gonna miss ya. (runs away)
PRESENT DAY
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
SHAWN and GUS walk through the hall. SHAWN has a large Christmas bag over his shoulder as well as a Santa hat.
SHAWN:
Ho, ho, ho, ho. Buzz McNab. The Christmas spirits told me to give this to you. (pulls out a BB gun and hands it to the officer)
BUZZ:
Oh, my goodness, a Daisy Red Ryder. I had one of these when I was a kid. It was the reason I wanted to become a policeman.
SHAWN:
Well, Merry Christmas from me and Gus.
BUZZ:
Thanks, guys. (walks away)
GUS:
He's gonna shoot his eye out.
SHAWN:
Yes, he is.
GUS:
That was amazing. How did you know that?
SHAWN:
Uh, the room where I take naps shares a vent with the room where they do the psychological evals.
SHAWN passes out some other presents. He sets the bag down with a groan just as LASSITER walks up.
SHAWN:
Lassie! (holds out a “Psych” snow globe that contains GUS and himself)
LASSITER:
I-I hate snow globes.
SHAWN:
Now, that's strange. My psychic senses told me specifically that snow globes didn't give you nightmares about being trapped in a clear ball with snow that burns your skin off.
LASSITER hurries away.
SHAWN:
Well, Merry Christmas from me and Gus.
SHAWN then walks over towards JULIET and pulls out a cat toy.
SHAWN:
Mr. Mittens says it felt just like going to sleep, and he doesn't hold it against you at all. Kitty heaven, it's just like East Beach. (gives toy to JULIET)
JULIET:
That is the best news ever.
GUS:
(pats JULIET on the shoulder) Merry Christmas from both Shawn and...
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! This is a very special gift. It's clearly just from me. Don't appropriate. Not at Christmas time.
JULIET:
Thank you so much, Shawn.
SHAWN:
'Tis the season, Jules.
JULIET:
Wow! (puts arms out and walks towards SHAWN)
SHAWN puts his arms out, ready to accept a hug but she walks past him to her desk.
JULIET:
This is exactly what I need to get into the holiday spirit before my family arrives. (sits at desk)
SHAWN:
Oh, should I meet them, or is it too soon?
JULIET and GUS:
Too soon for what?
SHAWN:
Nothing. O'Hara family Christmas, huh?
JULIET:
My family's Christmas are the best. We have traditional Scottish games and music and crafts. You guys should totally come by tonight if you'd like.
SHAWN:
I do love a Scottish craft.
GUS elbows SHAWN in the side.
SHAWN:
But, uh, my father and I have been invited over to the Gusters’ for an old-fashioned holiday dinner.
GUS:
Maybe next time.
SHAWN:
I can think of someone who could use a little cheer this time of year. Recently divorced.
GUS:
Separated.
SHAWN:
Estranged?
GUS:
Eh…
SHAWN:
Embattled?
GUS:
Yes.
SHAWN:
And all alone for the holidays.
SHAWN, GUS and JULIET look over towards LASSITER as he approaches his desk which is covered in snow globes.
LASSITER:
All right! Who keeps telling people I want snow globes for Christmas?
LASSITER looks around before picking them up gingerly, almost as if they were poisoned.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
GUS and SHAWN head down the hall towards the exit.
SHAWN:
Dude, I am really stoked. In over 20 years of friendship, I can count on one shop teacher's hand, the number of times your folks have had us over. I assume it's because they can't stand my father. Understandably.
GUS:
Well, I wouldn't necessarily say that.
SHAWN:
What would you say necessarily?
GUS:
Let's just say it's not because of your dad.
SHAWN:
What, your house is too small? Didn't have enough extra chairs?
GUS:
No.
SHAWN:
Hiding a Jewish family in your attic?
GUS:
No.
SHAWN:
(stops) Wait a minute. It's not because of me.
GUS hems and haws, not wanting to answer.
SHAWN:
Gus? I can't believe this. I feel like Pepé le Pew when he looked up “pew” in the dictionary. (French accent) Le Pew. Moi? No.
GUS:
My parents always thought you were a bad influence on me. Understandably.
SHAWN:
A bad influence?
GUS:
Yes.
SHAWN:
Dude, that's absurd.
GUS:
Because of you, Shawn, I got my first B, broke my first curfew, accidentally killed the state bird...
SHAWN:
How was I supposed to know he couldn't hold his own liquor? Now I know what to get your parents for Christmas.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
I'm gonna lead 'em on a walk down memory lane, and give them the gift of seeing what a positive influence I have been on their son. (thrusts the bag at GUS and leaves)
INT. HENRY’S, LIVING ROOM, DAY
SHAWN watches as HENRY puts up a Christmas tree in a corner.
SHAWN:
Dad, why do you insist on getting a real tree? You probably chopped down some poor animal's home.
HENRY:
Yeah, that's the vicious little bastard right there. (points)
SHAWN looks and sees an ornamental squirrel on the mantel.
SHAWN:
Can we go, please? (walks away)
HENRY:
(puts hands up) Whoa, Shawn, Shawn.
SHAWN:
(stops and turns) Look, I don't wanna be late to the Gusters. It's important that this dinner go well.
HENRY:
Aren't you forgetting something? Your gift. (hands the cylindrical gift-wrapped package to SHAWN) Go on. Shake it, rattle it, feel it, sniff it. Do whatever the hell you want with it before it goes in that stocking. Then you got one week to figure out what it is.
SHAWN:
Dad, this ridiculous competition means way more to you than it does to me.
HENRY:
That's why you haven't won since you were eight-years-old.
SHAWN:
Christmas '92 was a draw. You know that.
HENRY:
Oh, so you do care. Go on.
SHAWN holds the package out in front of him before bringing it up to his eye like a telescope.
SHAWN:
(lowers gift) That's it.
HENRY:
That's it? You're sure?
SHAWN:
That's all I need. (reaches into back pocket and pulls out small gift) Oh, here's yours. (tosses present to HENRY) Merry Christmas.
HENRY holds the present in front of him at eye level before giving it a little shake.
SHAWN:
(chuckles) You are never...
HENRY:
Shh. (shakes gift) Wait, wait, wait.
SHAWN:
All right, time's up. In the stockings they go. (walks to fireplace and stands in front of stocking)
HENRY:
I'm gonna figure it out, Shawn. I always do. (stands by stocking)
BOTH:
Same time.
They both drop their presents into the stockings.
INT. GUSTERS’, DINING ROOM, NIGHT
GUS sits at one side of the table, SHAWN and HENRY on the other. GUS’ father BILL sits on one end. His mother WINNIE hands him a large stocking.
WINNIE:
Oh, I think there's a surprise in here for someone. (goes into the kitchen)
GUS:
I'm grown. You don't have to do this every year. (pulls out two $50 bills)
BILL:
We hear you, son, we hear ya. And we're sure you're very happy still being a sales rep. (pats GUS on the shoulder)
GUS:
I am. Pharmaceutical sales is a very desirable field.
BILL:
Of course, and you're doing very well for yourself. That's $100, boy.
GUS rolls his eyes and puts the money away. SHAWN looks at HENRY and points at GUS.
HENRY:
No. Not gonna happen.
WINNIE returns with the turkey on a platter.
WINNIE:
Turkey's ready!
HENRY:
Finally!
BILL:
It smells good, Winnie.
HENRY:
Why smell it when you can taste it?
HENRY reaches across in front of SHAWN and tries to stab a fork into the yams. SHAWN lifts HENRY’S arm at the elbow, pushing it away from the food. GUS takes the turkey from WINNIE and sets it on the table.
SHAWN:
Speaking of smoked turkey, you know why Gus isn't a smoker? 'Cause when we were kids I made him smoke an entire pack of cigarettes, and he discovered he hated the taste. Pretty good influence if I do say so myself.
WINNIE:
Probably what gave him asthma. (sits)
BILL:
Probably what stunted his growth, too.
GUS:
I'm five-ten-and-a-half.
BILL:
We hear you, son. We hear ya.
HENRY:
Gus, you're tall enough. Shawn, you're an idiot, and to be fair, there's a lot of complicated causes for asthma. Now, let's eat.
SHAWN:
You know, it was actually Gus' asthma medication that first interested him in pharmaceuticals. So you're welcome for that.
HENRY:
(holds plate in both hands) You made your point, Shawn. You're a good friend.
WINNIE:
Yes, you're very close. So close, I wonder if he wouldn't be married by now if he wasn't spending so much time (looks accusingly at SHAWN) with you.
HENRY puts his plate down on the table in frustration.
GUS:
Trust me. I get mine. I mean...I'm just waiting for Mrs. Right.
BILL:
We at least thought you'd have a house by now.
GUS:
I have time. The market's still cooling off.
HENRY:
Yeah. So's the food.
WINNIE:
You won't have time if you keep using all your extra energy with this gypsy detective agency nonsense you two have cooked up.
SHAWN:
(chuckles) Mrs. G., it's a psychic detective agency. (puts right hand to head and uses left as if to mime a sign) Psych.
WINNIE:
And how does this differ from that pet baptism business you had as kids?
SHAWN:
First of all, that was an LLC. And I'm the one that let Gus believe that Jesus was black. The whole time we were grow... (tries to recover after everyone stares at him) Growing up, which of course he is. He is that. That... he is that.
(lowers head)
EXT. STREET, NIGHT
SHAWN, GUS, HENRY, BILL and WINNIE are with a group of carolers walking down the street.
BILL:
I say we skip Old Man Fuller's house. Nobody wants to sing to his old, mean behind.
WINNIE:
Can't hear the song over his cussing anyway.
SHAWN runs along to the front of Fuller’s house and stands on the front steps leading up from the sidewalk.
SHAWN:
Oh, come on, you guys! We're all adults now. Can't we let bygones be bygones? Even Old Man Fuller can use some Christmas spirit! Come on!
SHAWN leads the way up to the porch as everyone starts singing “We Wish You a Merry Christmas”.
SHAWN:
(knocks on front door) Mr. Fuller!
GUS:
He would have been throwing rocks at us by now if he were here.
They start singing again and SHAWN opens the front door. They stop when they see Fuller hanging by a rope from the second floor bannister.
PSYCH
“Gus’ Dad May Have Killed an Old Guy”
By
Saladin K. Patterson
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Oz Scott
**********************************************************************
INT. FULLER’S, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
The police have arrived at the scene and are investigating. LASSITER is on the second floor examining the rope.
LASSITER:
Yeah, it's an apparent suicide, but, uh, we're still working the scene.
SHAWN looks around the room. He notices a bleeding mark on Fuller’s head as he was being zipped into a body bag. He also notices a stain on the front of Fuller’s shirt. He looks over at a chair with a small table set in front of it. There is a broken tea cup on the floor. On the arm of the chair rests a TV guide with upcoming shows circled.
SHAWN:
Dude, what if this wasn't suicide? What if this was murder?
GUS:
Shawn, it's Christmas time. Can you please leave work at the office? They've already moved on.
SHAWN:
Look, there is no way that an 80-year-old man in Fuller's condition could have hoisted himself over that bannister. And check it out. He was clearly looking forward to watching some TV tonight. While he ate his lobster.
GUS:
You may be on to something.
SHAWN:
Plus, I psych it up nice for your parents, they might be impressed, you know? Put on a little dance. Maybe they realize I'm not such a bad influence after all.
GUS:
Which may get them off my case for deciding to go into business with you.
SHAWN:
Now you're feeling me, you convertible LeBaron.
SHAWN and GUS fist-bump. HENRY opens the door and peers in.
HENRY:
Are you guys coming or what?
SHAWN:
Sure thing, Pop.
SHAWN and GUS walk slowly towards the door as the gurney bearing Fuller’s body is wheeled over. SHAWN turns around, hands out.
SHAWN:
Stop! I'm sensing something.
HENRY enters the room. GUS stands by the door and ushers his parents inside.
GUS:
What is it, Shawn? Is it like the other 26 and a half crimes we solved for the police department?
SHAWN:
(grabs Santa hat in both hands) I'm sensing a struggle. (he groans as he pretends the hat is Fuller) Oh, please! (smacks the pom-pom at the top knocking it over) Fuller's unconscious.
GUS:
No, he was just an old man with a little soft skull.
SHAWN mimes wrapping a rope around the top of the hat, groaning as he does so.
SHAWN:
Oh, someone's wrapping a rope around his neck! What I'm sensing here, ladies and gentlemen, is murder.
LASSITER:
(comes downstairs) Spencer, old people are always offing themselves during the holidays.
BUZZ:
Well, according to CSU, Shawn might be right.
SHAWN:
Colorado State University?
GUS:
Crime scene unit.
SHAWN:
Them too.
LASSITER:
Let me see that. (takes notepad from BUZZ and reads) Blunt force trauma, signs of struggle.
BILL:
(looks at SHAWN) My Lord. He really is psychic.
WINNIE:
Maybe we were wrong about the boys working together... This time.
GUS makes a face of success behind his parents’ backs.
LASSITER:
Right. Get him outta here. It's an open crime scene, people, I need witness statements from each and every one of you carolers. (checks watch) Crap, I'm running late.
SHAWN:
Lassie, come on, man. Handle your business. Gus and I will take 'em down to the station tomorrow.
GUS:
We have passes.
SHAWN:
Which practically makes us co-workers. (leans an arm on LASSITER’S shoulder) Isn't that right, Big L?
LASSITER takes SHAWN’S pinkie and pulls it backwards causing SHAWN to scream out. LASSITER lets go and walks to the door.
SHAWN:
That hurt, man!
LASSITER just glares at him before leaving.
SHAWN:
But when they cut us, we bleed blue.
INT. O’HARA’S, FRONT HALL, NIGHT
JULIET opens the front door to reveal LASSITER.
JULIET:
Carlton! Hi! (pulls him into a hug) I'm so glad you could make it! (closes door) I hope you're in a Hogmanay mood.
LASSITER:
I doubt it. Whatever that is.
INT. O’HARA’S, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
A group of JULIET’S extended family is in the living room celebrating. They look over to the hall to see who arrived.
MAN:
The first footer!
Everyone cheers.
INT. O’HARA’S, FRONT HALL, NIGHT
JULIET:
Oh, the first footer. It's Scottish tradition to celebrate the first visitor of the holidays. You.
LASSITER waves at everyone. They stare at him.
LASSITER:
(whispers to JULIET) Why are they all staring at me?
JULIET:
(whispers) Well, the first footer traditionally brings a gift of food.
LASSITER:
All I've got is a Clif bar in my car. I'd really prefer to save it for my morning run.
INT. O’HARA’S, KITCHEN, NIGHT
JULIET leads LASSITER over to a table set up by a window where three young boys are creating their own manger scenes.
JULIET:
So these are my nephews, Drake, Finn, and Isaac. Boys, this is Detective Lassiter. He works with Auntie Julie.
LASSITER gives the boys a salute but they just stare at him.
LASSITER:
I like it better in here already.
JULIET:
I was helping them with their Christmas crafts. It's always my favorite part.
DRAKE:
(take’s JULIET’S hand) Look at this, Auntie Julie!
ISSAC:
Look at mine!
FINN:
Look at mine!
The boys clamor for their aunt’s attention.
JULIET:
Oh, my goodness. This looks fantastic, but you know, maybe Detective Lassiter would like to help out. (nods towards the boys)
LASSITER:
Sure. (sits) All right, fellas, what do we got going on here? Well, you know, Drake, technically Jesus was born around April, so we need to get rid of this winter foliage. (pulls the pieces from DRAKE’S nativity) Oh, and, Finn, the word “manger” actually refers to the wooden feeding trough that the animals used, so let's put baby Jesus in this little shot glass. (takes shot glass from the island and drops Jesus into it) Perfect.
JULIET:
Carlton…
LASSITER:
Well, you know, based on how far they had to travel, all the experts agree that the wise men didn't really get there until Jesus was two, so let's get rid of them. (tosses them aside)
JULIET:
Uh, uh, Carlton, remember, this is for the children.
LASSITER:
Right. Let's do one with Santa in it. Hand me Kris Kringle there, guys.
DRAKE hands LASSITER a Santa from the windowsill.
JULIET:
That's a great idea!
LASSITER:
You know, interestingly enough, the Dutch version of Santa used slaves to deliver the toys.
JULIET shakes her head.
INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, DAY
SHAWN and GUS arrive with WINNIE and BILL. GUS knocks on the door.
SHAWN:
We're here to give our official statements for the Fuller case.
LASSITER:
Yes. About that. Um, our investigation has confirmed Mr. Spencer's hunches.
SHAWN:
Ah, really? (to the Gusters) He was murdered.
GUS:
That's 27 and counting.
LASSITER:
Do you folks mind coming on in for a moment? Just have a seat. Make yourselves comfortable. Chair's right over there. I thought we could, uh, have more privacy this way.
BILL holds a chair out for WINNIE as LASSITER closes the door.
SHAWN:
Why? What, is there a problem?
LASSITER:
Well, this report says that there were traces of weed killer found in Mr. Fuller's system.
SHAWN:
Poison. I sensed that as well.
LASSITER:
There's just one slight problem. We found a box of the same type of weed killer on Mr. Guster's property. Can you explain that?
BILL:
Whoa, whoa, now. Slow your roll. I can explain that. Me and Fuller had a long-time feud about the property line. And every now and then I'd poison his shrubs because he refused to cut them back.
WINNIE:
Bill, that's not like you.
LASSITER:
How about this? Blunt force trauma to the head of the deceased was done caused by a bloody hammer found nearby with prints belonging to a Mr. William Guster.
BILL:
Yeah, but if you'd looked a little closer, you would have found a hacksaw and a pickaxe with my prints on them too. Fuller had been taking my tools for years. That's another reason we'd been feuding.
SHAWN:
Another perfectly reasonable explanation.
LASSITER:
Just one more thing, the rope used to hang Mr. Fuller matches rope from a boat belonging to...
BILL:
Let me guess. Me. (laughs)
SHAWN and GUS join in the forced laughter.
GUS:
That’s crazy.
SHAWN:
Mr. G.
BILL:
(notices LASSITER and JULIET’S straight faces) Wait. You mean it really was mine? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! (stands) Look, I just said that to be funny. I have no idea how it got there.
LASSITER:
I am sorry, Mr. Guster, the evidence is strong enough. You have the right to remain silent. (walks behind BILL)
BILL:
What?
LASSITER:
You give up that right, anything you say…
WINNIE:
(stands) No, wait!
BILL:
You can't arrest me!
LASSITER:
…and will be used against you in a court of law.
BILL:
I'm a deacon in a church!
LASSITER:
You have a right to an attorney. (leads BILL out the door)
BILL:
What will the Lord say?
INT. HENRY’S, KITCHEN, DAY
SHAWN, GUS, HENRY and WINNIE walk into the kitchen. GUS pulls out a chair for his mother and she sits.
WINNIE:
It's very nice of you to invite us over.
HENRY:
Oh, Winnie, it's the least I could do. Now when is Bill gonna be released from custody?
WINNIE:
Soon I hope. A thing like this could be devastating though to somebody with delicate health and weak disposition.
GUS:
We're gonna get Dad out before anything can happen to him.
WINNIE:
I was talking about you. Your father's strong as an ox, but you… Lord knows you have enough stress to deal with as it is.
SHAWN:
Mrs. G., you have my word, everything will be fine. We're gonna take this case.
GUS:
(sits next to WINNIE) Yeah.
HENRY:
Shawn, how about we get some food together here?
HENRY and SHAWN walk towards the fridge and have a whispered conversation.
HENRY:
Maybe you oughta pass on this one.
SHAWN:
I can't, Dad. I owe it to them.
HENRY:
(takes leftovers from fridge) Look, the Gusters are nice people, okay? They invite you over for dinner at 6:00. They don't serve till 6:30. So what? The point is, as a rule, you never wanna get involved in a case where personal relationships are involved.
SHAWN grabs a pineapple from the fridge before closing the door. He joins HENRY at the counter by the window.
SHAWN:
Dad, I think I can handle it.
HENRY:
What if Gus's dad is guilty?
SHAWN:
Are you out of your mind? How could you even say that?
HENRY:
(wags finger at SHAWN) That's what I mean. Right there, Shawn. You've already made your decision irrespective of the facts. You have already compromised this case.
SHAWN:
Compromised? Why? Because I'm not afraid of my own emotional attachment? I'll have you know that I view that as a tool in my problem-solving, not a liability.
HENRY:
It is that exact kind of lame-ass thinking... I can see why you were never a detective.
SHAWN:
And I can see why you ended up a divorced detective.
They glare at each other before SHAWN checks his watch.
SHAWN:
My God. We went almost three hours without having an argument.
HENRY:
It's our best holiday in years, huh?
INT. O’HARA’S, FRONT HALL, DAY
There’s a knock on the front door and JULIET opens it to see LASSITER standing there with a present.
JULIET:
Oh.
LASSITER:
Uh, I was just arresting someone in the neighborhood. I thought I'd drop by and say hi.
JULIET:
Oh, you know, we just sat down to lunch, so... Sorry.
The boys come running to the door.
LASSITER:
Hey, guys. Look what I've got. (steps inside and gives the boys the box)
The boys open the present.
DRAKE:
A Wii!
ISSAC:
Whoa!
FINN:
Awesome! (takes the console from the box)
JULIET:
Wow, that's actually very thoughtful. Thank you.
LASSITER:
It turned up in a sweep. I mean, they're welcome to use it, but technically it belongs to the D.A.'s office.
ISSAC:
Come on!
BOYS:
Let's play boxing! (they hurry down the hall)
LASSITER:
(to JULIET) You're not busy? (follows boys)
JULIET:
No, no. Go right ahead. (closes door and follows)
INT. O’HARA’S, KITCHEN, DAY
LASSITER is sitting with DRAKE in front of a TV, beating him in boxing.
LASSITER:
Oh, oh, Drake, you're too slow, my friend! You better change your name to Lassiter because I own you! Oh, he's down on the ground!
O’HARA and the boys simply stare at him.
DRAKE:
What a lame-o. (stands and walks away)
JULIET, ISSAC and FINN walk out with DRAKE. LASSITER doesn’t even notice.
LASSITER:
Come on. Who's next? Who's next? Come on! Let's go! Somebody come get some! Who's next? Get some! Come on!
EXT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS have driven WINNIE home and GUS helps her from the car.
WINNIE:
You guys sure you don't wanna take a sandwich or anything for the road? You hardly ate any of your food.
SHAWN:
Ooh, I remember once when we were little you made us these chicken cordon bleus.
GUS:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
But the ham was so thin...
GUS:
Shawn! We don't have an appetite. All we can think about is clearing Dad's name and getting him out of jail.
SHAWN gets in the car and shuts the door.
GUS:
I'll give you a call as soon as we have any leads.
GUS and WINNIE hug. SHAWN’S phone rings and he answers.
SHAWN:
Dad. No, it is not an engraved set of rubber bullets. Why would I possibly give you another excuse to shoot a gun? Well, you better keep thinking.
SHAWN gets in the car, closes the door and puts on his seatbelt.
GUS:
Shawn, I don't have to tell you how important this case is. So whatever you need, just let me know.
SHAWN puts on his seatbelt as GUS starts the car. He barely drives a few yards when SHAWN tells him to stop.
SHAWN:
Hold up, hold up, hold up.
GUS:
What? What is it?
SHAWN:
Give me a second. (studies Fuller’s place)
GUS:
Is it a clue that clears my dad?
SHAWN:
Can you shush for one second? I know you think this is easy for me, but I do go through a mental process. Like A equals B. B equals c. Which means A equals... (shoves GUS away) Would you stop it? That's too close! Now I gotta start all over. (goes back to studying the house)
GUS:
Damn it, Shawn, what's taking so long?
SHAWN:
Okay! All right! We need to figure out if there was a homeowner's association.
They get out of the car.
EXT. MITCHELLS’ HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS knock on the front door of a neighbor’s house. Mr. MITCHELL answers the door.
SHAWN:
Ah, Mr. Mitchell.
MITCHELL:
Yes.
SHAWN:
My name is Shawn Spencer.
MITCHELL:
I'm not interested in any fake vacation packages. I'm not giving you my social security number so I can claim the grand prize, and I'm not paying for any damn subscriptions for magazines that I know I'll never see. (slams the door closed)
SHAWN:
(loudly) I'm the head psychic for the Santa Barbara police department.
MITCHELL:
(opens door) Oh. Well, come on in then.
SHAWN and GUS enter the house and MITCHELL closes the door behind them.
INT. MITCHELLS’ HOUSE, KITCHEN, DAY
SHAWN and GUS stand on one side of the counter and MITCHELL stands on the other.
SHAWN:
We're investigating the death of Mr. Fuller. And I am sensing some unresolved conflict between the two of you. Something... something to do with rules and violations.
MITCHELL:
Yes, it's true. Fuller became a constant thorn in my side ever since I started the homeowner's association. He refused to follow the ordinances. When I'd give him citations, he'd tear them up and throw them in the trash. So I'd give him another citation. It was a constant, vicious cycle. (turns to the counter)
GUS:
It's him. He did it. Bust him, Shawn. See it, see it. See it. (grabs SHAWN’S hand and pushes it to his head, trying to make him have a “vision”)
SHAWN:
(pushes GUS’ hand away) Stop it. Stop…
MITCHELL turns back and they stop fighting.
SHAWN:
Sounds like you wanted him out of the way.
MITCHELL:
No, no, not at all. He was a pain, but he was our best supporter.
SHAWN:
Our?
MITCHELL:
The Mitchell family. We founded this neighborhood 100 years ago. Now we're lobbying the city to have them declare it a historical district. Fuller refused to sell his house after all these years. We were the only friends he had.
GLADYS MITCHELL enters the kitchen.
GLADYS:
Hello.
MITCHELL:
Oh, hi, honey. This is Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster.
GLADYS:
I remember the two of you from when you were no more than yea high. You had the cutest little lawn-mowing business.
SHAWN and GUS walk around to meet her.
SHAWN:
Oh, wow, that's right. We did.
GLADYS:
In fact I think we paid you $5.00 for a job that never got done.
They all laugh.
SHAWN:
(points at GUS) Oh! This guy.
GLADYS:
You know, the yard tools are out back. I'll go get them. (leaves)
SHAWN:
She's, uh...She's not serious, is she? She is.
EXT. MITCHELLS’ HOUSE, BACK YARD, DAY
SHAWN is struggling to push an old-fashioned lawn mower as GUS waters the plants.
GLADYS:
(steps out onto the porch) Oh, and make sure to water the gardenias. I've had them longer than you've been alive.
GUS fakes a laugh as GLADYS goes back inside. GUS continues to water and SHAWN pushes the lawnmower until he gives up in frustration.
SHAWN:
This is ridiculous! She should've just accepted the $5 refund offer.
GUS:
We need to be solving my dad's case.
SHAWN looks over towards Fuller’s house and sees someone pull down the shades.
SHAWN:
Dude. (walks to gate and peers through) There's somebody in Old Man Fuller's house.
GUS runs over, pushes SHAWN aside and leaves through the gate.
SHAWN:
I can't believe we're gonna bail on the Mitchells' yard again.
GUS:
Come on!
SHAWN creeps out the gate after GUS.
EXT. FULLER’S HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN and GUS jog up the front stairs and GUS cautiously reaches for the front door but it opens before he touches it. A WOMAN dressed in a business suit with a clipboard in hand steps outside and closes the door behind her.
GUS:
Who are you, and what are you doing here?
WOMAN:
I should ask you the same thing.
SHAWN notices hand-drawn landscape plans for the front yard.
SHAWN:
My name's Shawn. This is my partner, Skooney "U-turn" Singleton. We're from Dirty Boy Landscaping. I got a call from your office, said you needed some estimates on some renovations.
WOMAN:
You guys are fast. I just left word at the office saying I needed a landscape architect. You know, I cold-called this geezer for years pushing him to sell, and he always refused. Finally it's available.
GUS:
Really?
SHAWN:
What's so special about this place?
WOMAN:
It's the only lot in the neighborhood with 360-degree unobstructed views. (walks to the edge of the porch and looks out at the street) It'll sell for a fortune.
SHAWN and GUS look at each other.
GUS:
Don't worry, this yard will be immaculate when we're done. Bye-bye.
WOMAN:
Be in touch. (goes back inside)
SHAWN and GUS walk down the steps towards the street.
GUS:
You hear her, Shawn? She's been cold-calling for years. And she stands to make a fortune on this place. That's motive. Right?
SHAWN:
(stops on sidewalk) Yeah, yeah.
GUS:
It's gotta be her. What more do we need? Let's get the cops on it right away.
SHAWN:
I, I guess it wouldn't, uh, hurt to have them do a cursory background check. Maybe, maybe look… Look at the phone records.
GUS:
Right. (slaps SHAWN on the back and hurries to the car)
SHAWN:
Yeah. Okay. (follows slowly)
>>> LATER >>>
SHAWN and GUS are hiding behind some bushes watching the WOMAN as she talks with a possible buyer(?) for the house. LASSITER and JULIET pull up in LASSITER’S car.
WOMAN:
I'll do everything in my power to make this process as painless as possible.
SHAWN:
Jules. Jules, over here!
JULIET walks over to them as LASSITER looks away as he heads to the GUSTERS’.
GUS:
It's about time.
SHAWN:
Did you check the phone records?
JULIET:
Yep, your tip paid off.
SHAWN:
That's great. Thank goodness. There were all these vibes, but I wasn't sure.
GUS:
So it was Rosa.
JULIET:
Who?
GUS:
The real estate agent.
SHAWN and GUS point to the WOMAN and JULIET turns to look at her before turning back to SHAWN and GUS.
JULIET:
No, no. She has a solid alibi. But we discovered quite a few calls from someone else, who also made numerous cash transfers into Fuller's account. Possibly paying off a blackmail.
GUS:
Wait a second, if you're not about to arrest Rosa, what are you doing standing here?
JULIET:
Distracting you.
SHAWN:
Distracting…
SHAWN turns around to see LASSITER walking down the GUSTERS’ front path with WINNIE. She is in handcuffs.
JULIET:
Sorry, Gus.
GUS:
Shawn! Shawn! (runs over) Lassiter, get off my mom!
SHAWN looks at JULIET and holds his arms out in disbelief before going after GUS.
LASSITER:
No, no, no, Mr. Guster! Mr. Guster.
WINNIE:
Burton, Burton, please. Don't make a scene, darling. The neighbors. Neighbors are watching us. What is this? (licks her thumb and tries to wipe GUS’ face)
LASSITER:
Get in the car, ma'am. Please. Watch your head. (puts a hand to the top of the doorway to protect her head)
WINNIE:
Don't! Don't you touch my hair!
LASSITER puts his hands up defensively. WINNIE gets into the back seat of the car. They soon drive away leaving SHAWN and GUS standing on the sidewalk. SHAWN puts a hand on GUS’ back as they watch the car drive away.
INT. SBPD, INTERROGATION ROOM, DAY
WINNIE is sitting at the table, BILL and GUS standing on either side of her.
SHAWN:
We got here as fast as we could.
BILL:
This is our worst nightmare. It seems like everything is conspiring against us. So we lawyered up. That's how they say it in the bucket, son. Where I did an eight-hour bid.
SHAWN has walked over to stand beside GUS.
WINNIE:
I don't know those words. (sobs) I'm not gonna do well in prison.
BILL:
(wraps an arm around WINNIE) Don't worry, sweetheart. You'll be fine. (mouths to GUS over WINNIE’S head) She’s not gonna make it.
GUS:
I told you, nobody's going to prison.
SHAWN:
Mrs. G, why didn't you tell anybody that Old Man Fuller was blackmailing you for all these years?
WINNIE:
I wanted to, believe me, I did, but I couldn't. You see, this all started when Bill's sailboat caught fire. I tried to muster up the courage to tell everybody that it was my fault. But before I could, the insurance company had paid everything off already. Well, somehow, Fuller knew the truth of what had happened. He threatened to turn me in for insurance fraud if I didn't pay him every month. Well, he was so old, I figured paying him off for the rest of his life was the cheapest route.
GUS:
To the police it looks like motive.
WINNIE:
I know. But don't worry, son. We have called Nana. She's to look after you in case anything should happen to the two of us.
GUS:
Mom, I don't need my grandmother, who lives in a nursing home to look after me.
BILL:
We hear you, son. We hear you. Anyway, it's just until we can raise the money to post your mother's bail and pay our legal bills.
GUS:
Whatever the cost is, I'll cover it. Don't worry about it.
BILL:
We appreciate the gesture, Burton. But, son, we're talking real money.
GUS:
You have a savings account in a penny jar. I have a 401-K, a diversified asset-allocated portfolio full of securities and equity to tap into.
WINNIE:
He's always been so good with the big words. (turns to BILL) How much do you think we can get for the Cutlass, dear?
GUS:
Stop it! I can't take anymore! All of my life it's been “Gus can't handle this!” “Protect Gus from that!” Well, guess what? I'm the most responsible, well-prepared, non-criminal-record-having adult in this room. And it's high time you two stopped babying me. I'm 29-years-old. And by the way, I know you've only been married for 28 years. I did the math a long time ago. So stop protecting me from that. Starting now, I'm gonna take care of you. I'm gonna give you money. (puts an arm around SHAWN’S shoulders) And we're gonna solve this case. Shawn may not have always been the best influence on me, but he's always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself. And right now, I believe in him.
BILL:
We hear ya, son.
BILL walks over to GUS and holds out his hand. GUS takes his hand from SHAWN’S shoulders and grips his dad’s in a firm shake.
SHAWN:
(whispers) All right, dude. You had your moment, man. You nailed it. Now go ahead and make a timely exit. Come on, Before you gotta make another speech.
INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY
GUS closes the door to the interrogation room behind him as he follows SHAWN.
SHAWN:
Your mom being arrested might be Christmas miracle we need for the case. (heads up the stairs)
GUS:
How so?
SHAWN:
(stops) I suspect she wasn't the only one in the neighborhood that Old Man Fuller was blackmailing. We gotta get back in his house.
SHAWN jogs up the stairs and GUS follows.
INT. FULLER’S, HALL, DAY
SHAWN and GUS go up the stairs to the hall overlooking the living room. SHAWN heads to the spot where Fuller was found hanging. He notices rope marks on the bannister at the top of the stairs. There are also notes taped to the wall in obvious spots with simple reminders such as “Lock the door”, “Turn off stove” and “Keys”.
GUS:
Let's hurry up. This place gives me the creeps.
INT. FULLER’S, STUDY, DAY
They enter a room that has a bow window with a telescope set up in front of them. GUS looks through the closet. SHAWN sits in the rocking chair facing the windows and has a perfect view of the street.
SHAWN:
Bingo! (turns to look at GUS) This must be how Old Man Fuller saw your mom burn your dad's boat.
GUS walks over to stand behind SHAWN and steps on a creaky floorboard. SHAWN looks down and GUS tries it again.
SHAWN:
(stands) Dude, there's something in there.
GUS:
What do you think it is? (steps on board again)
SHAWN shakes his head and GUS bends over. SHAWN makes the sound of a heartbeat. GUS glares at him and SHAWN puts on an innocent face. GUS makes to go down again and SHAWN imitates a heartbeat once more. They repeat their actions a third time.
GUS:
Will you stop it, Shawn? You know how that story gives me the creeps.
SHAWN continues with the heartbeats, a little faster this time. GUS kneels down and moves the rocking chair with his hands.
GUS:
(in high-pitched voice) Norman! Norman!
SHAWN:
(nervously) Stop.
GUS:
Norman!
SHAWN:
Okay, stop it, that's enough! That's enough! Game over.
GUS:
Fine.
SHAWN slowly kneels down and then reaches his hands to his heart, ready to make the sound effects. GUS reaches for the rocking chair.
GUS:
Don't play, Shawn.
Together, they reach down and pry up the floorboard to reveal binoculars, a camera with a telescopic lens as well as a tripod. SHAWN pulls out a beat-up envelope.
SHAWN:
Just as I thought. He was snooping on the entire neighborhood from up here. These are his blackmail pictures. (pulls out photos) Suburban pot farm. Bootleg DVD ring. None of these are really cause for murder. (sees a pictures of lovers through a window – the woman’s face is hidden but there is a wedding ring) Covering an illicit affair. Now that's what I call motive. (looks at the distinctive window frame)
GUS:
What?
SHAWN stands and walks to the window. Using the camera, he examines the windows of the surrounding houses.
GUS:
You see anything?
SHAWN keeps looking.
GUS:
Hurry up.
SHAWN:
(finds the matching window) I know where our culprit lives.
EXT. NEIGHBOR’S HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN knocks on the front door and a young MAN answers.
SHAWN:
Hey. Got some questions for you about some illicit pictures. (holds up envelope)
The MAN takes off running back into the house and GUS runs after him.,/i>
SHAWN:
Man.
EXT. STREET, DAY
The MAN runs out of his yard and SHAWN and GUS run into each other while chasing him. The MAN runs down an alley.
SHAWN:
But we already know where you live!
SHAWN and GUS run after him to the strains of “Jingle Bells” by the Brian Setzer Orchestra. GUS takes the lead and SHAWN takes a shortcut through some backyards finally swinging out on a rope, knocking the MAN down. GUS trudges over, having stopped running when he saw SHAWN.
SHAWN:
We call that "Sammy Floyd's tree house ambush."
SHAWN reaches down and gives the MAN a hand up.
MAN:
Okay, okay. Okay. You got me. I'll give you your pictures back.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. We have pictures of you, Dude. The ones Old Man Fuller was blackmailing you for. What pictures are you talking about?
MAN:
I work at a one-hour photo. I thought you were asking about the pictures of hot, naked chicks I sometimes keep.
GUS:
Wait a minute. (holds up picture) This isn't you?
MAN:
No. But it kinda looks like my dad from about 30 years ago when we first moved here.
SHAWN:
Man, it was an old picture mixed in with the new ones. We couldn't tell the difference because they're all black and white.
GUS:
So we're looking for his dad?
SHAWN:
Yes.
MAN:
He passed away a few years ago.
SHAWN:
(shakes head) No. Who's this woman in the photo?
MAN:
It's not my mom. That's for sure. She died before we moved here.
SHAWN:
Well, who the hell is she?
MAN:
(puts hands up defensively) You know, don't really feel comfortable talking about my family secrets, all right?
GUS:
What's the name of that one-hour photo where you hide your filthy debauchery?
MAN:
I remember my dad had a female friend who would visit only at night.
SHAWN:
Uh-huh. What was her name?
MAN:
I don't remember.
GUS:
Do you know she lives?
MAN:
No.
SHAWN:
Can you tell us anything? I just swung from a tree.
MAN:
When she left the house would smell like White Linen perfume. I remember it because it was the same perfume my mom used to wear when she was alive.
SHAWN sighs.
GUS:
So our culprit is a woman?
SHAWN:
Apparently. Who looked like that 30 years ago.
MAN:
Yeah. She's hot.
SHAWN:
What?
GUS:
You have problems.
SHAWN and GUS walk away.
INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY
JULIET is sitting at her desk, typing at the computer when LASSITER walks by. He swerves and leans against the column by JULIET’S desk.
LASSITER:
You know, I was thinking, if you guys have an extra seat at that table for Christmas dinner, I might be available.
JULIET:
Carlton, I haven't been completely honest with you. You see, family…
LASSITER:
Say no more. Don't worry. I won't come around anymore. (starts to walks away)
JULIET:
I am so sorry, Carlton.
LASSITER:
(comes back) Don't be. I mean it's. It's totally natural for you to be jealous if your nephews like me more than you.
JULIET:
Come again?
LASSITER:
I get it. You're used to being the cool aunt that everyone wants to hang out with. But when I'm around, you just can't compete with that. Sometimes I just… I forget to dial down my coolness when I'm around kids. They're just so impressionable.
JULIET:
(nods) You are so right. I can't compete with that.
LASSITER:
Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. All right, I'm sure your nephews still think you're really fly. (leaves)
JULIET:
Merry Christmas, Carlton.
INT. GUSTERS’, KITCHEN, DAY
GUS and SHAWN enter through the back door with a large paper bag. WINNIE comes from the front of the house, mail in hand. BILL is at the counter.
GUS:
Great news. We're following a new lead on the case.
WINNIE:
That's great because I just got my notice to appear in court just in time for Christmas. (sits at table)
BILL:
Look at this. An announcement for Old Man Fuller's estate sale. Making people buy back stuff that was probably already theirs in the first place.
SHAWN takes Styrofoam containers from the bag as GUS takes the notice from his father.
SHAWN:
I don't know what they put in this stuff, but the jerk chicken from Kingston’s has always been the best.
BILL walks over to the table.
GUS:
Let me see. (takes container from SHAWN, opens it and sniffs) Well, they got the right ratio of black pepper, scotch bonnet, and thyme.
BILL:
Hey, son. (sniffs after GUS walks over) Whoo. I ain't mad at that. But they should have used a quarter less pimento.
SHAWN watches in amazement.
GUS:
Mom. (holds container for WINNIE)
WINNIE:
(sniffs) Minced nutmeg instead of ground.
GUS walks back to the counter and stands opposite SHAWN.
SHAWN:
My God. Gus, you came by the super smeller honest.
SHAWN looks at the notice on the counter and remembers.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK
EXT. STREET, DAY
MAN:
She also smelled like, yeah, White Linen perfume.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INT. GUSTERS’, KITCHEN, DAY
SHAWN:
Dude, can the super smeller pick out a scent from memory?
GUS:
Well, the olfactory and memory areas of the cerebral cortex share the same neural pathways.
SHAWN:
What is that? Is that a yes?
GUS:
Yes.
SHAWN:
Sweet! I think I know how to solve the case! Come on! (runs out the door)
GUS:
We'll be back. (follows SHAWN)
EXT. FULLER’S HOUSE, DAY
SHAWN stands on the front lawn by a sign for the estate sale. He’s on the phone. GUS stands behind him, watching the people on the porch.
SHAWN:
Jules, I'm getting a major psychic disturbance down at Old Man Fuller's estate sale. You might wanna get down here. Okay. Hurry. (ends call and turns to GUS) Check it out. If our culprit's here, she's gonna wanna get a hold of those photos.
GUS:
Right.
SHAWN:
If she's like most old ladies, she probably thinks you were on The Jeffersons, and she wears the same perfume from her youth. (pulls perfume bottle from his pocket) All you gotta do is identify who's wearing White Linen. I'll take care of the rest.
GUS:
Got it.
SHAWN spritzes the perfume in front of GUS who sniffs.
SHAWN:
You ready?
GUS:
Yep.
They hurry towards the house.
INT. FULLER’S, LIVING ROOM, DAY
There is a podium set up opposite the front door with rows of chairs that were occupied by a mixed crowd. There were also some standing in the back.
AUCTIONEER:
Ladies and Gentlemen, the next item up for bidding is this one-of-a-kind…
GUS “accidentally” drops his keys next to a woman sitting in the back row.
GUS:
Excuse me.
GUS bends over to pick up his keys and sniffs the woman as he straightens. He continues to sniff the women in the crowd as the auction goes on.
AUCTIONEER:
…antique Confederate Civil War battle flag. Who will open the bidding at $100? May I have $100? Thank you. I have $100 to open the bidding. How about $200? Can I hear $200? $200. Thank you. $200. Can I hear $300? $300? Anyone. Thank you, sir, $300. Do I hear $400? Who will say $400? Do I hear $400? Who will go $400? Thank you. I have $400. Do I have $500? $500? $500, who will… Thank you. I have $500.
SHAWN:
Come on. Any luck?
GUS:
No old lady in here is wearing White Linen.
SHAWN:
Sweet. That's our only lead.
AUCTIONEER:
Sold! To the man in the blue argyle sweater for $500, this antique Confederate battle flag. Thank you for bidding, sir. Enjoy your flag.
A young WOMAN walks over and holds the flag out to GUS.
WOMAN:
Here you go.
GUS yanks it from her hands.
SHAWN:
You can totally get a gun rack for your truck now.
GUS smacks him. SHAWN turns to see JULIET and LASSITER arrive.
AUCTIONEER:
Next item up for bidding is this box of heirlooms. Antique photographs.
SHAWN:
Dude, I don't know what to do.
AUCTIONEER:
$100 to open.
GUS:
You better do something.
SHAWN:
Super smeller was supposed to smell it, right?
In the front row, GLADYS raises her hand.
AUCTIONEER:
Thank you. I have $100. Who will go $200?
SHAWN notices dirt under GLADYS’ fingernails.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
FLASHBACK
EXT. MITCHELLS’ HOUSE, BACK YARD, DAY
GLADYS:
Oh, and make sure to water the gardenias. I've had them longer than you've been alive.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
INT. FULLER’S, LIVING ROOM, DAY
SHAWN takes out the perfume bottle and spritzes it in front of GUS again.
SHAWN:
Identify the base component of that fragrance.
GUS:
(takes two deep sniffs) Gardenia.
SHAWN:
Are you absolutely certain?
GUS:
Tahitian gardenia.
SHAWN:
Thank you. (mumbles) Now give me a push.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
(whispers) Give me a little push.
GUS:
I’m not pushing you…
SHAWN:
Would you just—
GUS pushes SHAWN who runs into LASSITER. The detective catches him and pushes him away.
SHAWN:
(grunts before talking in a deeper, older voice) Get that ball off my grass, Guster! Get out of my yard! If you kids don't keep it quiet out there, I'm gonna call the cops! (stumbles to the front of the room where the AUCTIONEER steadies him)
GUS:
He's channeling Old Man Fuller's grumpy drunken spirit.
SHAWN:
What's that? What's that, you miserable old geezer? The cops have the wrong suspects. Well, then who's the killer? Gladys Mitchell? (points at GLADYS)
Flashbacks show what SHAWN is describing.
SHAWN:
30 years ago you… You used to deliver flowers to the nice little widower who moved in down the street. One thing led to another. The next thing you knew, you were locked in a torrid, illicit affair. Dirty, sweaty, an affair that if it got to the public would not only ruin your marriage, but soil the good name of the neighborhood's founding family.
GLADYS stands, ready to protest but SHAWN doesn’t let her.
SHAWN:
Old Man Fuller knew your secret! He could see everything from his snooping perch. In exchange for his silence, you had to cater to all of his needs for the better part of 30 years. But oh, that bastard just wouldn't die, would he? No, it was as if his meanness was keeping him alive. And then your worst nightmare became a reality. He started going senile. You couldn't risk him telling somebody about the affair, so you took matters into your own hands, and you killed the son of a bitch!
GLADYS:
That's absurd. I couldn't possibly hang a grown man from up there.
SHAWN:
I can see it. (staggers back and picks up a teacup) You tried to poison him! But he spit it out. (hands cup to AUCTIONEER) Then you panicked. You grabbed a hammer. (imitates using a hammer) You tried to bash in his skull! But no, he just wouldn't die! His little feet twitching this way and that! In a really desperate move, you grabbed the disoriented Fuller! You pushed him over to the base of the stairs. (pushes GUS onto the chair lift) You found yourself a nice piece of rope. You tied one end around his neck! You draped the other end over the bannister and you tied it to the chair lift. And then you used that chair lift to pull Old Man Fuller all the way up and over the bannister at this ridiculous, agonizing pace. (GUS is on the lift going horribly slow) And that is how you killed that ancient, pruney relic.
GLADYS:
(turns to husband) I'm so sorry, honey. I just couldn't let him ruin everything that we worked so hard to build.
JULIET walks over and cuffs GLADYS’ hands behind her back.
LASSITER:
Guster, you can tell your parents we're gonna drop the charges.
GUS:
Whoo! (pumps fist) Good work, Shawn.
SHAWN holds his fist out for a bump but GUS ignores it.
GUS:
You've already had your moment. (rides the lift down)
INT. HENRY’S, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT
The Gusters and SHAWN watch as HENRY readies to light the Christmas tree.
HENRY:
All right, let's light this puppy up.
HENRY plugs in the tree and everyone claps.
HENRY:
Well, Shawn, it looks like another draw this year?
SHAWN:
Yes. It appears so.
HENRY and SHAWN exchange presents. SHAWN opens his and sees yellow golf balls with the Psych logo on them.
SHAWN:
Look at that. Little Psych golf balls. (passes them around)
HENRY:
I also signed you up for lessons with the golf pro down at the Santa Barbara municipal course.
SHAWN:
That's sweet, Dad. Thank you. All right, your turn.
HENRY:
All right. I have no idea what this is. (opens box and finds note) What is this? (reads) "Dear Dad, you got me monogrammed Psych golf balls and golf lessons with the pro down at the municipal course."
SHAWN:
Turn it over, turn it over, turn it over.
HENRY:
(turns over note and reads) “I believe his name is Pierre.”
SHAWN:
Boo-yah! I got you, old man! (laughs and jumps up and down)
HENRY:
That's it, Shawn, you know, this is the last year we're gonna play this stupid little game.
SHAWN:
Somebody doesn't like to lose. Because you're an old Grinch during Christmastime. The name is Ebenezer Grinch man.
HENRY:
Stop. Stop!
SHAWN:
Grinch of the Cruise Scrooge grinchies.
GUS notices WINNIE and BILL put off by SHAWN’S antics.
GUS:
Shawn.
SHAWN:
Here you go. Here's your real gift. (reaches down and gives HENRY a larger box)
HENRY:
What?
SHAWN:
Yeah.
HENRY:
Wait, what's it gonna do?
SHAWN:
Just give her a rip. So what's there? What's in there?
HENRY:
(opens box and takes out snow globe) Look at that. That's me fishing. (laughs)
SHAWN:
In the snow.
HENRY:
(holds globe upside-down) That’s good, it's snowing! That's really nice, Shawn. That's great. Thank you. (hugs SHAWN) Thank you. All right.
WINNIE:
Thank you. Thank you for a lovely dinner. I think we should be going now.
BILL:
Yes. Thank you.
HENRY:
It was my pleasure. Merry Christmas.
BILL:
Merry Christmas.
HENRY:
(to SHAWN) I got a perfect place for this.
GUS:
You all should get some rest. You've been through a lot. (puts an arm around WINNIE)
WINNIE:
Finally things can get back to the way they were.
BILL:
Well, almost. I've been thinking, maybe we could use some advice about that diversification stuff. Seems like you're doing pretty good for yourself.
WINNIE:
And making some good business decisions. (looks at SHAWN)
GUS:
Sure! No problem. Let me go get the car. Mr. Spencer. Shawn. (fist bumps with SHAWN on way out)
BILL:
(gives SHAWN a few $20 bills) Now, you look after Burton for us.
SHAWN:
Oh! Are you sure this is enough? I mean, this is Gus we're talking about, right?
BILL gives SHAWN some more money.
SHAWN:
Don't worry, Mr. G, I got it covered.
WINNIE:
Merry Christmas, Shawn. (leaves)
SHAWN:
Merry Christmas to you all. (waves)
BILL:
Merry Christmas. (leaves)
HENRY:
Bye, guys!
BILL:
Goodbye.
HENRY:
All right, all right, all right. How did you do it? Come on.
SHAWN raises a hand to his head and HENRY grabs it. SHAWN smiles.
HENRY:
Don't. Don't. Don't. (points at SHAWN)